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by Laparoscopic



Category: Katawa Shoujo
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Illustrated, Love, Multi, OT3, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-23 20:38:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 58,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15614520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laparoscopic/pseuds/Laparoscopic
Summary: Hisao & Hanako are at University, sharing an apartment with their friend Lilly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> With thanks to Zee McZed, who introduced me to Katawa Shoujo.

 

           “My home is not a place, it is people.”  
               _—Lois McMaster Bujold, **Barrayar**_

 

 

University was wonderful.

University sucked.

I sighed as I wearily contemplated that dichotomy on the bus ride back to my apartment after classes. It was almost two o’clock on Friday, and I had no more classes that day. Which in theory gave me almost two and a half day long weekends this semester, but all it really meant was I had a little extra time to study and work.

There was no denying that I loved learning, loved taking classes, loved gaining new insights into things I had long wondered about. In other words, as Hanako would have fondly put it, I was a nerd. That part of university was wonderful, and rewarding.

If only they didn’t try to teach me so damn much at _once_. If I had had one fewer courses per semester, I would have been a happy student. As it was, it felt like I was perpetually studying or working, and slightly under-slept.

The closest thing Hanako and I had had to a date in recent weeks was the evening she visited me at the game store where I worked and we chatted between times when I was helping customers. I was beginning to feel guilty about not having enough time for her. She never complained about it, but I had caught her gazing wistfully after Lilly as she headed out on a date last weekend.

I stared out the bus window, not really seeing the city passing by, as I considered the problem. I knew Hanako was sympathetic about my course and work load, she was studying and working hard herself, but somehow it seemed like it was always _me_ who had just one more article to read, one more shift to work, one more paper to write. Hanako, and Lilly too for that matter, managed to keep up with their classes and jobs without destroying their social lives or sleep patterns.

I could, of course, have gotten more sleep if I didn’t wake up at the crack of dawn six days a week to go running. But given the choice between a little sleepiness now and taking an eternal nap if my heart weakened and gave out, I doggedly opted for the former. _You can sleep when you’re dead_ , as the morbid old saying went. I had no idea how much longer I could force my heart to keep pumping, but I was doing everything in my power to make it last as long as possible. I wanted to have all the time in the world to be with Hanako. That notion kept me devoted to my cardiovascular exercise regimen more strictly than Emi ever managed.

If only I could actually spend more of that extra time _with_ Hanako.

As I got off the bus and trudged toward our apartment building, I resolved to power through my weekend’s homework as quickly as possible. I only had one work shift this weekend, on Saturday evening. I could make time for us to do _something_ together.

Maybe we could do a double-date with Lilly and her boyfriend, Toshiko Ogata—but no, Hanako deserved some time alone with me. As did I with her. Besides which, if I was being totally honest, I didn’t really care that much for Ogata. I wouldn’t have minded going out with just Hanako and Lilly, but unless I got lucky and he was out of town this weekend or something, we would have to invite him along too.

I knew, intellectually, that Ogata had to have _some_ redeeming qualities, or else Lilly wouldn’t have been dating him for the past four months, but he always struck me as a bit plastic. Artificial. A bland smiling visage that didn’t seem to hide any real depths. He had similar manners to Lilly, very proper and buttoned-down, but without her warmth. Though I supposed he was warmer in private. I was just grateful that when they spent the night together they did so at his place.

As I entered our apartment, I called out “Hello?” even though Lilly and Hanako both had classes until five. But sometimes Hanako skipped out on classes early on Fridays, if the week had been too hard on her. I was grateful that my call got no response, which meant she was probably still in class. As I considered it, I realized that it had been several months since she had skipped class for anything other than physical ailments, and I smiled.

It had been a slow process, but Hanako had settled into university life. It had taken a few months for her classmates to get used to her appearance, and then a few more months for Hanako to finally _believe_ that they had, but she was managing well, now. Better than she ever had at Yamaku. Her confidence was slowly increasing, her fears slowly fading, and it was delightful to watch. The first time she’d gone out to a karaoke bar with some classmates after class, _I’d_ been a nervous wreck, waiting at home for her to return, but she’d breezed into the apartment shortly after midnight, humming softly under her breath, the night a success.

I pulled together a quick late lunch of leftovers and then dove into my books, determined to carve out enough time for a date that weekend.

Somewhere around five thirty, I heard a soft _ding_ in the hallway outside our apartment, signifying that the elevator had arrived at our floor. Two sets of footsteps and Lilly’s gentle voice grew louder as they approached our apartment’s door. Lilly and Hanako managed to come home together most Fridays, which worked out well for both of them. Having Lilly with her made the bus ride to our apartment from campus less stressful for Hanako, and likewise it was easier for Lilly to have Hanako to guide her. Two friends, helping each other.

I stood up from the table and stretched a moment, the tension in my lower back reminding me just how long I’d been sitting there working.

“Hello, ladies,” I said, as they entered the apartment, and gave them a big smile. I was relieved to see that Hanako looked more than okay for a Friday, smiling back at me as she pulled her key from the door and shut it behind them.

“Hi, Hisao,” Hanako said quietly as she set her backpack down by the door in its usual spot.

“Hello,” said Lilly, also smiling. She likewise set down her book bag beside Hanako’s, and she left her cane leaning in the corner next to the door. She knew our apartment well enough that she never used it while at home. They took off their coats and shoes, and slipped into house slippers.

I crossed the room and gave Hanako a hug and a kiss. I crassly took advantage of our roommate’s blindness by giving Hanako’s bottom a gentle squeeze as I hugged her. She frowned reprovingly at me a little, but the frown was ruined by the tiny smile she was unable to repress. I buried my nose in her hair for a moment, just enjoying her scent and the way it relaxed me. My appreciative sniff prompted a small giggle from her.

“How were your days?” I asked them both as I let go of Hanako. She and Lilly sat down on the couch, and I stepped over to the kitchen nook to turn on the kettle for tea.

“It was fine, but I’m glad the week is over,” said Lilly. She turned sideways on the couch and let her legs rest across Hanako’s lap as she flopped back gracelessly against the armrest. I grinned as I watched her. She’s usually so very prim and proper, but even Lilly has her limits. Hanako isn’t the only one who gets more tired as the week wears on. The fact that she’s willing to look less than perfectly composed in our presence says volumes about our friendships, and how comfortable she is around us. Without being asked, Hanako removed Lilly’s slippers and began rubbing her feet.

Lilly made a soft whimpering noise of pleasure at Hanako’s attentions, then she said, “You should tell him your news.”

“News?” I repeated, intrigued. Given that Hanako was studying journalism, that term could be more or less literal, depending upon the context. I looked at Hanako, an inquisitive expression on my face. Hanako looked away from Lilly’s feet for a moment to give me a shyly proud smile.

“I g-got a ninety-seven on my ethics in j-journalism paper.”

“Ah! Excellent!” I crowed. I couldn’t help but grin at her. “Was that the one you were calling a ‘steaming pile of incoherent gibberish’ last weekend?”

She rolled her eyes and gave an embarrassed shrug. “Maybe.” I laughed.

“I want you to read the professor’s comments to me,” said Lilly. “Hanako refused to say anything other than ‘he was nice about it.’ ”

I stepped over to the couch and bent down to give Hanako another kiss. “That’s wonderful, sweetie. Good job.”

Blushing, Hanako turned the conversation away from herself. “And you? How was y-your day?”

I shrugged as I returned to preparing the tea. “Not bad. I only had quantum this afternoon, so I’ve been plowing through homework ever since.” I glanced at the table where I’d been working. “My notes and laptop are spread out all over the table, Lilly. I’ll tidy up before dinner.” Although we had a tiny table with four stools in the kitchenette area, we usually ate sitting on the floor around the low table in the living room area, the table that used to be in Lilly’s dorm room.

“Thank you,” she murmured quietly, apparently being lulled into a sleepy state by Hanako’s strong hands on her feet. I paused and watched them for a moment, smiling at the picture they presented. Hanako looked over at me and smiled back, and I blew her a kiss.

“I assume I’d be out of luck if I asked for any help in preparing dinner?” I asked Lilly and Hanako.

Lilly gave a little groan that was almost a growl and said, “If you try to pry my feet away from Hanako right now, you will have a serious fight on your hands.”

Hanako and I laughed. “I’m not feeling that brave tonight,” I said, as I started to poke through the cupboards to pull together a meal. Hanako and I had both learned a bit about cooking from Lilly over the past few years. Although I wasn’t as good as Lilly, I wouldn’t be accused of poisoning anyone with my cooking.

By the time dinner was ready, Lilly had finished returning the favor to Hanako, and my feet were feeling a little envious. As we ate, I said to Hanako, “I’m working tomorrow evening, but…I’m really trying to get my homework done early. Would you like to go out to lunch tomorrow, or maybe go see a movie Sunday?”

Hanako’s face lit up like I’d just offered her a free lifetime supply of chocolate. I felt a little guilty that such a small thing should cheer her so. I _really_ needed to take more time to spend with her. Education may be important, but _she_ was the most important thing in my life, and I needed to make sure she knew that.

“A m-movie would be nice, but…I think I’d like to do lunch, or d-dinner. So we could have some time to talk.” She smiled at me.

“There’s a new Thai place on Senbon that’s nice, and affordable,” Lilly suggested. “Toshiko and I have eaten there a few times. You might like it.”

“As long as they can make stuff not _too_ spicy,” I said dubiously. I’d had my taste buds fried off at a Thai place last year.

“Toshiko’s taste in spice is about as adventurous as yours, Hisao,” Lilly said with a smile. “You’ll be fine.”

“I like Thai,” said Hanako

I smiled. “Thai it is, then.”

I dove into my work with single-minded focus after dinner, determined to be able to give Hanako my full attention on our date. I tottered off to bed just before midnight. Unless I had a pressing deadline, I couldn’t afford to stay up past twelve, since my tyrant of an alarm clock was always going to go off at six a.m. for my morning run. Thankfully, my cardiologist had adjusted my meds over the years so that insomnia was less of a problem for me than it had been when I’d first gotten out of the hospital.

I tried to slip into bed without waking Hanako, but she rolled over and snuggled up to me, mumbling something quiet and affectionate as she did. I kissed the top of her head, breathing in her scent, which warmed and relaxed me. “Good night, sweetheart. I love you,” I said.

“Love you, too,” she murmured.

 

* * *

 

A couple of Sundays later, Hanako and I were in the living room. I was studying, and she was reading one of her romance novels, when Lilly came home from a date. I was a little surprised at her return. Aside from the fact that she often spent Sunday nights at Ogata’s place, it seemed awfully early in the evening to be calling it a night. “Hi, Lilly,” I said.

“Welcome home,” said Hanako.

“Hello,” Lilly replied flatly.

The first thing I noticed was that she was wearing her dark glasses. I had never seen her wear them at home before. She mostly only wore them when she was out in a new and crowded place, and wanted to display a signifier of her blindness in addition to her cane for the strangers around her, to simplify interactions.

The second thing I noticed was her body language. Normally, she was fluid and graceful, moving with a poise and precision that I knew some viewed as affected. But her motions as she set aside her cane and took off her coat and shoes were quick and jerky. Her hands were trembling with more than the winter chill.

“L-lilly? Is…everything all right?” Hanako asked, just beating me to the question.

Lilly turned her head towards us and gave us the most unconvincing smile I’d ever seen, the dark glasses hiding her eyes making the expression even more odd and off-putting. “I’m fine, thank you.” She shoved her feet forcefully into her house slippers and headed towards her bedroom, her steps still over-quick, almost stomping. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m tired and nee— _ow!_ ”

Apparently her jerky movements had thrown off her internal spatial map of the living room, because she slammed her shin full speed into the edge of the low table in the center of the room. She crumpled to the floor, biting her lip against the pain.

“Lilly!” Hanako exclaimed as she rolled off the couch and knelt by Lilly’s side.

“I’m…fine, f-f-fine,” Lilly stammered through her pain, rubbing her shin. As Hanako put an arm across her shoulders, Lilly repeated, “F-f-fine, fine, I’m fiii…” Her words disappeared in a sob, and she turned towards Hanako and buried her face in her hair, her arms coming up to clutch at Hanako. I could see her arms trembling, her grip on Hanako was so tight, and she continued weeping, the likes of which I’d never seen from her.

Hanako returned Lilly’s embrace, holding her tight. She rubbed one hand up and down Lilly’s back, and she stared at me over Lilly’s shoulder, her eyes wide and uncertain. She silently mouthed the word _help!_ at me. I unfroze from where I’d been watching this meltdown and scooted over to Lilly’s other side, so we could both hug her. Lilly startled a little as I put my arms around her, which surprised me. I hadn’t been quiet, she would normally have known I was there. But after that first little flinch, she relaxed into our embrace, and Hanako and I hugged her tight, trying to console and reassure her, whatever the problem was.

“It’s all right, Lilly, we’re here, we’ve got you,” Hanako murmured softly, squeezing Lilly tight as she continued to whisper soft words of comfort and assurance to her best friend.

“We’re here for you,” I echoed.

Eventually, Lilly’s sobs trailed off, and she slumped against us, sniffling. Somewhere in the middle of the emotional firestorm, Lilly’s glasses had come off, and I could see her half-opened eyes. They were red and swollen—not a little bit, like they would be from a mere five minutes of crying, but more like she had already been crying for quite some time before she got home. No wonder she had been wearing them.

“Can you tell us…what’s wrong?” Hanako asked quietly.

“I…” Lilly paused, her breathing still ragged, then she said, “I need a tissue.”

I snorted at that and disengaged myself from the other two. I got a box of tissues from the shelf, and brought them back. Hanako slid over a little, so that she and Lilly could lean more comfortably against the couch. I sat down on Lilly’s other side and placed the box in her lap.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, then daintily wiped her eyes and nose, some of her normal poise returning. Hanako also took a tissue and wiped at her eyes. I hadn’t realized she’d been crying a bit, too.

“What’s wrong?” Hanako repeated. “You d-don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, but…”

Lilly shook her head. “I want to. I…it’s just…” She abandoned propriety and blew her nose, then wiped at her eyes again. She balled up the tissues in a tight fist, her hand trembling a little. “Toshiko. He and I…we…”

“Fought?” I offered.

Lilly shook her head again. “Broke up.”

“Oh, no, Lilly, I’m so sorry,” said Hanako. “H-how—why?”

Lilly’s glowered, her expression bitter. She was silent for so long I wasn’t sure she was going to respond. Eventually, she spat out, “Apparently, I’m not _Japanese_ enough. And I’m _broken_. And I’m _fat._ ” I winced at the words, and the venom with they were delivered. She paused, taking a deep, hiccuping breath, obviously fighting back her tears again.

“He told me he was going to have dinner with his family next weekend, and I asked, when was I going to get to meet them? We’ve been dating for four months, after all. He danced around it for a few minutes before admitting, never. He had no intention of ever introducing me to his family. He had no long-term plans for us to stay together. I was just some exotic foreigner for him to dally with. A—a _cripple_ to play with, to give him new experiences to write about.”

“Ohh, Lilly,” said Hanako softly, pulling Lilly close and stroking her hair. A few more tears leaked out of Lilly’s tightly closed eyes, and she held her breath for a few moments, fighting to maintain her self-control.

I fought down the urge to get up and seek out Ogata, just to punch him repeatedly in the face. I took a mental step back, and tried to focus on Lilly. _This isn’t about my anger at him_ , I reminded myself. _This is about Lilly._ Besides which, if I ever got into a fist fight with someone, they would probably accidentally kill me. Which put an additional damper on my anger, even as I resented the fact. Some stupidly primitive part of my brain insisted I should be able to physically defend “my women.”

I pushed aside my own anger, and said, “What a jerk. But I’m glad you found that out about him before you wasted any more time on him.”

“What an _asshole_ ,” Hanako corrected, and I could tell from her flinch that Lilly was as startled as I to hear such language from Hanako. “He doesn’t d-deserve someone as wonderful as you, Lilly. I hope he lives a long and lonely life, n-never finding anyone to care for or love.”

Given that that had once been one of Hanako’s greatest fears for herself, it was a deep and meaningful curse. And heartfelt, judging by her scowl. I didn’t often see my girlfriend angry, and seeing her now, I was grateful that her rage wasn’t directed at me. Honestly, she looked a little scary.

Hanako also seemed to realize that she wasn’t being very comforting, and she visibly relaxed, also putting aside her anger. She pulled Lilly a little closer to her and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry you’re hurting,” she said, more quietly. “Let me know what I can do to make it better.”

“Us. Let us know,” I amended.

Lilly gave a tremulous smile. “You’re already helping. Thank you.”

“At the risk of sounding cliché…would you like a cup of tea?” I offered.

Lilly and Hanako giggled at that, and Lilly, said, “Actually, yes, that would be nice. If nothing else, I need to rehydrate a little.”

I got up and prepared the tea. Living with Lilly for a couple of years, I had picked up the proper technique for brewing tea to her standards. As I worked in the kitchen, Lilly and Hanako talked quietly, mostly Hanako consoling Lilly, from the sound of it.

I brought the tea set into the living room and poured the tea, even though Lilly usually performed that task for us. Lilly held the cup of tea below her face for a moment, just inhaling the scent before sipping. “Perfect,” she complimented me, though her smile seemed a little sad as she said it. We drank in silence for a few minutes before Lilly broke the quiet with a question.

“Hisao? Do you think…am I fat?” Lilly asked. I’d rarely heard her sounding so timid and uncertain, and the way her shoulders slumped as she asked the question made my heart hurt.

I may be emotionally dense and oblivious at time, but even _I_ knew that there was only one possible answer to that question. “No, of course not, Lilly. You…” I glanced at Hanako, then continued, “You’re beautiful.”

Lilly made a scoffing sound. “You hesitated. Do you really mean that?”

I sighed. “I hesitated because I was momentarily uncertain about complimenting another woman in front of my girlfriend. But then I came to my senses, knowing how Hanako feels about you. You are truly beautiful, Lilly, and don’t ever let any jerk try to convince you otherwise.”

“Hisao is right, Lilly. I know your standards for b-beauty are not…visually based, but trust us when we say, any random p-person on the street who saw you would think you beautiful. I’ve always th-thought you were beautiful, even before I got to know you.”

Hanako had given me a minute to gather my thoughts. “I think what that jerk”—I wasn’t willing to say Ogata’s name out loud at the moment—“meant was that you’re not a tiny porcelain doll. It sounds like he’s one of those shallow twits who’s looking for a perfect little model wife who will stand meekly in his shadow.”

Lilly sighed. “I know I’m of above average height for a woman, but…that’s not the same thing as _fat_.”

I shot Hanako a questioning look, and she smiled and nodded at me. I took hold of Hanako’s hand and squeezed it tight for a moment. “Lilly, you’re not fat, you’re…it’s not just your height that’s above average. You have a, a, lush, and beautiful body, with gorgeous large…well rounded…er, uh…”

Hanako giggled at my blushing babble, and after a moment Lilly joined her.

“You’re quite beautiful,” I finished lamely.

“Listen to the b-blushing idiot,” said Hanako fondly. “You’re s-stunning, Lilly. With beautiful large b-breasts and nicely rounded buttocks, as Hisao was unable to say.”

“Hanako!” I protested, blushing even more. I took some small solace in the fact that Lilly was blushing at Hanako’s words as well. Hanako giggled again at us.

I tried to recover a little. “Truly, Lilly, you’re beautiful. Almost as beautiful as Hanako, and that’s saying something.” Now it was Hanako’s turn to blush.

Lilly smiled. “If I’m only half as beautiful as Hanako, then I would be content. Thank you for…reassuring my foolish vanity.”

Hanako squeezed Lilly tighter for a moment. “It’s not foolish to want reassurance after that j-jerk tried to hurt you.”

I growled, “What kind of… _cad_ insults a woman’s appearance as he’s breaking up with her?”

Lilly snorted. “Cad. I suppose that’s a politer term than…asshole.” The vulgarity sounded just as wrong coming from Lilly’s mouth as it did Hanako’s.

“Both apply,” said Hanako.

“I should have told him how bad in bed he _really_ is,” Lilly muttered, then ducked her head, looking abashed.

I was momentarily struck speechless at such an intimate revelation, but Hanako said, “Yes, you should’ve. It’s n-not too late to tell him, you know.”

Lilly waved that away, “Sorry, no, I should not have said that. It wasn’t…polite.”

“Good riddance to him. Life is too short to p-put up with bad sex,” Hanako said.

Lilly chuckled. “And I know you’re an expert on _good_ sex,” she said, sounding faintly envious.

“I w-wouldn’t say _expert_ …” Hanako smiled, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. “But…definitely an enthusiastic learner.”

I stood up hastily and said, “Well, it sounds like this is turning into one of those ‘girl talks,’ so I think I’ll head off to bed.” They both laughed at that.

“Good night, Hisao. And thank you…for everything,” said Lilly.

“Of course.”

“Good night, sweetie,” said Hanako. “I’ll be in shortly.”

“Try not to embarrass me _too_ much,” I couldn’t help but ask, which just won me another round of feminine laughter.

“Oh, I’m sure you have nothing to be embarrassed about,” said Lilly with a smile.

After living with Lilly for over two years, I had grown resigned to the fact that Hanako and I couldn’t completely hide our love life from her superior sense of hearing, but I usually tried to repress that knowledge. I just mumbled another “Good night,” and beat a hasty retreat.

 

* * *

 

I changed into my pajamas and spent the next hour sitting in bed reading a textbook, trying to ignore the occasional laughter that drifted in through the door from the living room. Eventually, Hanako came to bed, smiling. I smiled at her.

“Did you have a good talk?”

She nodded “Yes. We haven’t had one of th-those ‘girl talks,’ as you put it, for quite some t-time. It was good to reconnect with her like that. I think it ch-cheered her up quite a bit, too, which is nice.” She began undressing for bed as she talked, and I smiled as I watched. If I ever failed to appreciate the sight of my beloved getting naked in front of me, it would be time to punch me in the chest and put me in a casket.

“Did you eviscerate jerk-face in absentia?”

Hanako shook her head. “We talked very little about that…cad, actually. We focused on more p-pleasant things.”

“Good.” I felt my breath catch as she unhooked her bra and slid it off her shoulders. Her breasts jiggled in a most delightful fashion. “Ahh, speaking of pleasant things…”

Hanako shot me an amused glance. “You are _so_ silly.”

“Not about that I’m not,” I countered. “You are _so_ sexy, my love.”

“I’m glad you think so,” she said, as she slipped into her night gown. I gave a sad little sigh to see her naked body disappear.

“I _know_ so.”

Hanako smiled and gave me a kiss, before heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

I finished the page I had been reading then put my textbook aside. When Hanako returned from the bathroom, I took my turn at my nightly ablutions.

I turned off the overhead lights in our bedroom when I returned, and slipped into bed next to Hanako. I was about to reach over and turn off the bedside lamp when I heard Lilly tapping gently on our bedroom door. I glanced at Hanako, who shrugged, then nodded. “Come in,” I called.

Lilly opened the door, and took half a step forward, not quite entering our room. I swallowed hard, then looked away from her, blushing. I didn’t think she knew just how translucent her peach pajamas were; her lovely nipples were rather obvious through the thin fabric, and I didn’t dare look further down. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Hanako put a hand over her mouth, trying to hide a grin at my reaction. I kept my face determinedly turned away from Lilly.

“I…wanted to say, thank you again. For your support,” said Lilly.

“Of course,” I said, staring at the ceiling.

“No th-thanks needed,” said Hanako. “You’re our friend, Lilly.”

Lilly nodded, her unfocused gaze directed towards the floor. She took a deep breath. “I was wondering…if I could impose upon you…for one more favor.”

I frowned and gave Hanako a puzzled glance, uncertain as to what Lilly was asking for. But Hanako replied, “Of course, Lilly. You’ve done the same for me often enough.”

“Thank you,” Lilly whispered, and she stepped into the room, moving slowly towards the bed. Although she had the rest of the apartment thoroughly memorized, our bedroom was the room she was least familiar with.

As Hanako slid over in the bed, I realized what they meant. In the early days of attending university, Hanako had had some rough days, days where she was ready to call it quits and abandon everything. Several times, the three of us had ended up sleeping together, Hanako sandwiched in the middle, taking comfort and reassurance from our presence. We hadn’t had to do that in over a year, now, Hanako having come to realize her strengths and grown more assured as time went on.

And now Lilly, for the first time, was asking for that same comfort. It was hardly surprising that Hanako would want to return the favor, would want to support Lilly much as Lilly had supported her in the past. I was a _little_ surprised that Hanako had simply agreed to Lilly’s request without asking me first—it’s my bed, too, after all—but it’s not as if I would have said no. She knew me well enough to know I would never turn Lilly away from us.

I stood up and placed a guiding hand on Lilly’s forearm (determinedly _not_ glancing down at her chest), and lead her to our bed. She slipped into bed next to Hanako and wrapped her arms around her. As they embraced, I sat down on the bed next to them and realized that there could be certain…issues…that might come up with this arrangement.

 _It’s not about sex, it’s about comfort and friendship and love, the same as it’s always been,_ I scolded myself. But in the past, we’d always been holding Hanako between us. My lover, who was used to waking up in the morning being prodded by my…anatomy.

Now, I hesitated, blushing furiously, as I looked at Lilly’s lovely backside. _It’s not about sex, it’s not about sex, but oh gods does she have a lovely ass. So soft and smooth and lush…_ The fact that her peach colored pajamas were almost flesh color, creating an illusion of nudity in the dim light of the bedside lamp, didn’t help matters any.

I shook myself and stood up again. “Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” I said. I hoped my voice wasn’t as squeaky as it sounded to me. I snagged a pair of underwear out of the dresser on my way to the bathroom. Maybe wearing underwear beneath my pajamas would provide another layer of insulation, help keep things a bit more restrained. I briefly considered masturbating just to cut down on the internal pressure, but, honestly, I wasn’t that horny just then, I was mostly worried about my morning wood.

I flushed the toilet to provided a cover story for my absence, washed my hands, and returned to the bedroom. Hanako and Lilly were giggling together as I entered the room. I paranoiacally wondered if they were giggling about _me_ , and my blush returned. “What’s so funny?” I asked, in what I hoped was a casual tone of voice.

Their giggles ceased, but they were both smiling at me as I sat back down on the bed. Thankfully, Lilly was now under the covers, so she wasn’t providing me with any more distractions. Visual ones, anyway.

“We were just talking about what a gentleman you are, Hisao,” Lilly said.

I wasn’t sure why that should make me blush even more, but it did. “Um. Thank you? I guess?” I slipped under the covers next to Lilly and turned on my side, propping my head up on my elbow so I could see them both.

“It’s a g-good thing, Hisao,” said Hanako reassuringly.

I sighed, and decided to be direct. “I can be a gentleman. I’m more worried about…involuntary actions in my sleep.”

Lilly chuckled, and she reached out and found my shoulder, then my cheek, and patted it. Her hand drifted across my face as she “looked” at me for a moment. “I know that, Hisao. You’re _always_ a gentleman. And don’t worry, I know men don’t have any control over their… _responses_ while they sleep. I wouldn’t hold anything like that against you.”

 _Yeah, but what about when I’m holding it against_ ** _you_** _,_ I didn’t dare say out loud. Instead, I sighed, and nodded. “All right. I apologize in advance for any offense or embarrassment I might cause.”

“Would you rather Hanako sleep between us?” Lilly asked.

I shook my head, and for once, because of the position of her hand, she could read that reply. “No. This is for _you_. I’m sorry we’re getting distracted from that fact by my…biology.” Hanako and Lilly chuckled at that, and Lilly turned over again, wrapping an arm around Hanako. I hesitantly snuggled in a little bit behind her, and draped my arm across them both, my hand resting on Hanako’s shoulder. I gave her a squeeze, and she lifted her head to smile at me over the top of Lilly’s head. I smiled back and blew her a silent kiss.

Lilly gave a deep sigh, and I felt her relax into our embrace. I felt abashed that I had distracted us from comforting her with my own petty biological concerns.

“Good night, Lilly,” murmured Hanako. “We love you.”

“Good night. I love you too,” said Lilly.

“Sweet dreams,” I said. I did my best to ignore the scent of Lilly’s hair, and the soft, lush buttocks that my groin was mere centimeters away from. Some mental review of my physics homework was _definitely_ in order.

_Let’s see, quantum entanglement occurs when a pair of particles are generated or interact so that the quantum state of each particle cannot be described independently of the state of the other particle, even when they’re separated in space…_

 

* * *

 

Far too soon, my alarm went off at its usual time for my morning run. I stretched an arm over my head to slap at the snooze button without opening my eyes. I groaned and wrapped my arm back around Hanako, my hand cupping her breast automatically as I pulled her close and rubbed my groin against her ass.

 _Hanako’s breasts…aren’t this large. Nor is her ass this soft_ , I fuzzily realized, then I opened my eyes to a mass of blonde hair filling my field of view. I was instantly awake as I recalled last night. I let go of Lilly’s breast and sat up, pulling away from her. I managed to refrain from cursing out loud at myself, hoping against hope that neither woman was awake. Lilly was _not_ a morning person, so perhaps she had slept through the alarm?…

No such luck. As I sat up, I realized that _I_ was now in the middle of the bed, between two sleepy but unfortunately awake women. I vaguely recalled Hanako getting up in the night to go to the bathroom; she must have just slipped back into bed next to me instead of trying to squeeze back in between Lilly and the wall. I silently cursed my luck—why couldn’t I have been facing Hanako when the alarm went off?

“Good morning, Hisao,” said Lilly, sounding sleepy and amused.

“Good morning, love,” said Hanako.

“Uh, g-good morning, uh, ladies” I replied automatically, my brain scrambling for something coherent to say. Fortunately, Lilly seemed to sense my embarrassment, and she took pity on me.

“Hisao, I _told_ you I wouldn’t hold anything your sleeping body did against you,” she said, then yawned.

“Oh? And what d-did his sleeping body do?” asked Hanako, an impish smile playing across her lips. Lilly merely chuckled in response.

I groaned, and floundered out from under the covers, trying to leave as much of the other two covered as I could in the process. “I gotta run. Go on my run. Go back to sleep, I’ll see you in an hour or so. After my run,” I babbled at them as I pulled my winter running clothes out of the dresser. I had never been so glad that Lilly was blind, so I didn’t have to worry about hiding my morning erection from her. Hanako noticed, however, and smirked at me. I gave her an embarrassed shrug, then bolted for the bathroom, closing the door behind me on a pair of sleepy giggles.

 _Well. That could have gone better. But I guess it could have gone worse._ Hanako’s reaction certainly could have been worse. I was relieved that she could find the whole thing amusing—even a year ago, she probably would have been too insecure about me waking up next to Lilly like that to find any humor in the situation. I was grateful that she was finally as fully certain of my love as I was of hers.

 

* * *

 

A little over an hour, and about seven kilometers later, I returned to the apartment, quietly closing the door so as to not wake anyone. As I sat down to take off my running shoes, I realized I needn’t have worried, as I could hear both women talking in the bathroom. I headed to the kitchen nook to make my morning coffee, and heat some water for Lilly’s and Hanako’s tea.

A few minutes later, they emerged, dressed for the day. I glanced at the combined schedule we’d posted on the refrigerator door—we all had morning classes today. I headed for the now empty bathroom, giving Hanako a quick kiss in passing.

What with the rush to get to class in the morning, we didn’t really have much time to talk, although I was relieved that there didn’t seem to be any lingering awkwardness among us. It wasn’t as if the three of us hadn’t slept together before, after all. Though it _was_ the first time I’d gotten, shall we say, handsy with Lilly. But she seemed to be staying true to her word not to hold anything I did in my sleeping (or half-awake) state against me.

Well, _she_ may not have held anything against me, but _I_ still felt a little guilty about it. I’d have to address that with her— _them_ —soon.

Hanako’s classes ended before mine that day, so she was already back at the apartment when I returned in the middle of the afternoon.

She was curled up at the end of the couch, looking relaxed and reading. “Hi, Hisao,” she said, looking up from her book. It looked to be recreational reading, not a text book.

“Hello, beautiful,” I replied. She still blushed a little when I called her that, but at least she smiled while she did so. I bent down to give her a kiss on my way to the kitchen, where I scrounged up a late lunch of leftovers.

I sat down on the couch next to her, bowl and chopsticks in hand, and downed some cold noodles with chicken and broccoli. Hanako leaned against my shoulder as she continued to read. I watched her out of the corner of my eye as I ate. She caught my eye at one point, and smiled briefly at me before returning to her book.

So much of Hanako’s and my relationship is non-verbal, that an outside observer watching our apartment might think that only Lilly and I, or Lilly and Hanako, ever communicated. But they’d be missing on all the little touches, the shy smiles, the quick glances that mean so much to us. We’ve certainly done our share of talking—hashing out boundaries, figuring out how to live together without driving each other crazy, simply saying “I love you” in a dozen different ways—but at the end of the day, we’re both pretty introverted people. We’re happy with sharing a friendly silence, and we know and appreciate that about each other.

But still, some things need to be addressed verbally. I didn’t want anything to fester between us, and I was feeling guilty about how I’d woken up that morning. After I finished my lunch, I set the bowl down on the table in front of the couch and put an arm around Hanako. I gave her a squeeze, and she lowered her book, giving me an inquisitive look.

“Ah…about this morning,” I began hesitantly.

She arched an eyebrow at me and I saw a little gleam of a smile in her eyes that didn’t quite reach her lips. “Yes? What about it?”

I sighed. She wasn’t going to make this easy for me. “I…was only half-awake after the alarm went off, and I…um…” I petered out, unsure as to just how much she had witnessed, or intuited, or how much Lilly had said to her.

Her lips twitched in a barely repressed grin. “You g-got a handful of…Lilly boob?”

“Gah!” I buried my reddening face in my hands. “Yeah. That. I’m sorry, it was an accident, I’m sorry, I thought it was you next to me, I didn’t realize, I mean, I’d never—“

Hanako pulled my hands away from my face and placed a finger over my lips to shut off my babbling. I looked down at her. Her grin had melted into a fond smile. “Hisao,” she said chidingly. “I know how you wake up in the morning. I also know you w-wouldn’t have done anything like th-that if you’d been fully awake. Like Lilly said, you’re always a gentleman.”

I smiled nervously back at her. Gentleman. Right. “Yeah, but…I also…I, um…I kinda rubbed myself against her butt,” I blurted out as quickly as I could, before losing my nerve.

At that she actually giggled. “Didn’t I j-just say I know how you wake up in the morning? You d-do that to me almost _every_ morning before stumbling out of bed.”

I blinked, surprised by both her reaction and her revelation. “Uh. I do?” I said blankly.

She kept giggling. I felt a profound sense of relief that she was taking this so much better than I’d feared. “Yes. You do,” she confirmed.

“Oh.”

Her smile turned slyly playful. “Was it at least a _nice_ boob and butt to wake up to?”

“ _Hanako!_ ” I had thought I couldn’t get any hotter under the collar. I had been wrong.

She giggled. “You’re too much fun t-to tease.”

I glowered at her, torn between relief that she wasn’t upset by anything I’d said or done, and exasperation at being teased. Eventually, relief won out, and I began to chuckle along with her. I gave her a kiss. “I love you. Even if you are a mean, mean woman who teases me mercilessly.”

That provoked another giggle. “And I love you, too. B-but you still haven’t answered my question.”

I stared at her blankly. “Question?”

“Was it a _nice_ b-boob and butt?”

I groaned. “Seriously? This is _Lilly_ we’re talking about. I don’t want to think about her that way.”

“Hmm.” She looked thoughtful. “Don’t _want_ to think about her that way isn’t the s-same thing as _not_ thinking about her that way.”

I gave her a puzzled look. “Are you…trying to start a fight? What _is_ this line of questioning about?”

Hanako shook her head and gave me a kiss. “N-not a fight. No. I’m just…curious.”

I stared at her for a few moments, bemused by this response. Eventually, I realized what I could say. “She has beautiful large breasts and, and, nicely rounded buttocks. As you put it.” She laughed at my quoting her back at herself. I bent down to kiss the left side of her neck, where she’s most sensitive. “But she’s not as lovely as you.”

She gasped a little at the kiss, then brought a hand up to run through my hair. “Flatterer.”

I shook my head and kissed her again, this time lingering a little bit. “No. The honest truth.” I pulled back to gaze into her lovely violet eyes, so she could see the truth. Lilly was lovely, true, but Hanako was the most beautiful woman in the world to me.

The teasing smile on her face faded into an affectionate one, and she shook her head a little. “What did I ever d-do to deserve you?” she said wonderingly.

I chuckled. “Well, you were patient with a depressive ass at a time when he needed you most, for starters.” I brushed her hair back behind her ears, so I could see her full face. The face of the woman that I loved so much.

“It was only fair, given how p-patient you were with me.”

“So, are you saying that we deserve each other?”

Her smile grew broader. “Yes. I believe we do.” She raised her face for another kiss, and I happily obliged. At length.

A couple of minutes later, we came up for air, and Hanako observed, “You know, Lilly has class until six o’clock tonight.”

I thought about the paper I had due Thursday. Then I shoved that thought ruthlessly aside and smiled. One must have priorities, after all. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Hmm. So, if we have the apartment to ourselves for the next three and a half hours…” I put a thoughtful expression on my face, then snapped my fingers. “I know! We can alphabetize the bookshelves.”

Hanako leaned in close to me, and, despite the fact that there was no one around to overhear her, she whispered into my ear, “Or, you can take me to bed and try to make me scream.”

Her words and hot breath on my ear produced an immediate rush of heat throughout my body, and my pants suddenly felt tighter. I melodramatically clapped a hand to my chest and said, “Are you _trying_ to kill me, dear?”

She chuckled. “No. I’m trying to make sure your heart gets a proper workout, so I can keep you around longer.”

“Ah. Well, in _that_ case…” I stood up and pulled her to her feet with me. “I’m all in favor of a proper workout regimen. Lead on.” I followed her to the bedroom, admiring the way her hips swayed as she walked.

And, for the record, I _did_ succeed in making her scream.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

One Friday, as I exited the elevator, I spied an armless redhead sitting in the doorway of our apartment, a large messenger bag on the floor by her side. “Rin?” I called out, puzzled.

No response.

I walked over to the door and saw that she was asleep, leaning against the doorframe. I crouched down next to her and gently shook her shoulder. I was struck by how thin it was, but of course she wouldn’t have much in the way of shoulder muscles. She opened her eyes and blinked at me a few times. “Oh. Hello Hisao. It is nice to see you again.”

“Rin? What are you doing here?”

She frowned and shook her head, “No, that’s not what you’re supposed to say. You’re supposed to say it’s nice to see me too. I’ve been taking a class in social interaction.”

“Ah…that’s nice.” Heaven knows if there was ever a person who needed lessons in social interaction, it was Rin. “But what are you doing here?”

She shook her head again. “That’s still not what you’re supposed to say.”

I sighed. “It’s nice to see you too, Rin. What are you doing here?”

“Sleeping. Until you woke me. Now we’re talking.”

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. I had forgotten what conversations with Rin could be like. I looked at her and, knowing I would probably regret asking, asked, “Why are you here?”

Rin looked thoughtful. “That’s an awfully deep question to be addressing while sitting in a doorway.”

“Then maybe we could address it inside my apartment?”

Rin looked up at the door. “This is your apartment?”

“Er. Yes. You mean you just happened to end up sleeping on my doorstep by accident?”

“I was looking for Hanako. I guess it was just luck I found you instead.”

“Hanako lives here.”

“I thought you said it was _your_ apartment?”

I took a deep breath. “It is. It’s my apartment, _and_ Hanako’s _and_ Lilly’s. We all live together.”

“Oh. Are they your girlfriends?”

“What? No! I mean, yes, _Hanako_ is, but Lilly is just a friend. A roommate.”

“Oh. Well, if this is your apartment, can we go in now? I need to pee.”

“Uh. Sure.” I stood up and unlocked the door. Rin rose to her feet by unfolding her legs underneath her. I pushed the door open, and she entered before me. I grabbed her bag and brought it in.

She stood in the entry way for a moment, looking around, and then she nodded firmly. “Good.”

“Good?”

“Your apartment. It’s good.”

“Er. Thank you?”

“It needs more art on the walls. I’ll fix that.”

I had a sudden vision of Rin painting our apartment wall with a huge mural, like the one she had done at Yamaku. I glanced down at her bag—it hadn’t felt that heavy, I didn’t _think_ it had a set of paints in it, but what did I know about art supplies?

“Does your toilet have a washlet?”

“What? Oh, yeah.”

“Good. It would be awkward to ask you help me, especially since we haven’t seen each other in years. Though I would ask, if I had to.”

I had never been so grateful for our toilet’s sanitary amenities.

“Right. Well, the toilet is straight ahead, between the two bedrooms.”

Rin kicked off her shoes and headed towards the bathroom. “Don’t you want to take off your jacket first?” I asked.

She shook her head. “I _really_ need to pee.” She stopped in the doorway to the bathroom, and stared at the toilet for a moment. “Hisao?”

“Yes?” I replied, dreading what would come next.

“I can’t operate this model with my feet. I’ll need you to push the buttons for me.”

“Uh…”

“It’s still less intimate than wiping my vulva for me.”

“Um. Right.” I walked slowly towards the bathroom, hoping against hope that Hanako or Lilly would miraculously decide to cut out on classes early and show up to rescue me.

No such luck.

She turned around so she was facing the right way, then said, “As long as you’re here, could you pull down my pants for me? I can do it, but it’s easier to do with hands.”

I wanted to demur, but there was no denying her logic. I took a deep breath, then reached for the front of her pants. I unbuttoned and unzipped them, then turned my head to the side so I wasn’t looking at her as I pulled her pants and panties down her legs. Her hips were slim, and the pants loose, so they came down easily enough.

“I’ll just, uh, wait outside here for you until you need me,” I said, as I hastily stepped out and closed the door.

I tried to ignore the sounds coming from inside the bathroom, but she hadn’t been kidding about really needing to pee. The sound of her urinating lasted for almost a minute.

“I’m done.”

I stepped back inside, keeping my gaze to the side, not looking at her. I operated the bidet controls by touch and memory, and then the dryer.

“Your face is all red,” Rin observed.

My eyes flicked over to her, keeping my gaze above the neck. She was looking curiously at me. “Well, yes. I don’t assist young ladies in the toilet every day.”

She frowned. “Am I a lady?” She stood up, and I hastily turned my gaze back to the far wall.

“Could you pull up my pants?”

I fought down my blush, and reversed the earlier process.

“Thank you,” she said, for all the world as if this were a normal, every day occurrence.

Then I realized that, for her, it possibly was. All traces of body modesty must have been long ago been burned out of her, just on the basis of sheer necessity. _I would ask, if I had to_ , she’d said. I grimaced, as I realized I had been making a big deal out of what was, for her, probably a very common problem.

“You’re welcome. And…I’m sorry.”

She cocked her head and gave me an inquisitive look, looking like a curious bird. “For what?”

“For being so awkward about all this.”

She shrugged. “You were fine. Better than most guys. At least you didn’t stare at my genitals.” Her mouth twitched in a momentary little grin. “Just be happy I’m not having my period.”

I barked out a short laugh. “Yeah, I’m grateful for that.”

We went back out into the living room, and I helped her take off her jacket. She was wearing a soft black long-sleeved shirt with the arms tied off, with a bright green t-shirt over top. It felt odd to see her in something other than a Yamaku school uniform, even though it had been years since I had worn it myself. Her t-shirt had an elaborate logo in English on it, which I sounded out as reading “Pouncing Platypuses.” Whatever that meant.

“Do you feel like a cup of tea?” I asked.

“I don’t think so. I’m not liquid.”

I closed my eyes for a moment.

“Well, I guess technically I’m about ninety percent water, but I don’t _feel_ liquid.”

“Fifty-five, actually.”

“Pardon?”

“You’re only about fifty-five percent water, not ninety.”

“Oh. Well, that would explain why I don’t feel like tea, then.”

“But do you feel like—do you wish to drink a cup of tea?” I asked, trying to be as literal and precise as I could.

Rin stared at the blank wall above our small book case. “I wish for a lot of things,” she said softly, sounding a little sad. “But wishing doesn’t make them so.”

I stared at her, moved by her tone. What on earth was she doing here? Looking for Hanako, apparently, but why? I wondered if I would ever find out. Or if I would find out before she drove me mad.

I headed into the kitchen area. “I am going to make a pot of tea for myself. Please tell me if you wish—if you want me to pour you a cup, too.”

“That would be nice. Do you have any straws?”

“Um, no. Sorry.”

“There are some in the outside pocket of my bag.”

I went and got her bag, and found the straws.

Rin was silent as I prepared the tea, walking slowly around the living room, examining the books, games, and movies we had on the shelves. She stared for a long time at a poster we had on the wall by the door to Lilly’s room before shaking her head and turning away. It was one of my posters, one of Hokusai’s prints of Mount Fuji. Not the famous wave image, but one of the simple black and white ones that had no people in it, _Fuji Under Clear Skies_. I liked the stark simplicity of it. I wondered why Rin seemed to disapprove of it, but was afraid to ask.

I brought the tea to the low table in the middle of the living room, and poured for both of us, putting Rin’s straw in her cup. She sat down across from me, and bent forward to blow on her tea for a moment, cooling it.

“So. Rin. It’s nice to see you again and all—“

“We’ve already done that part of the conversation.” She frowned. “Are you developing memory loss?”

“No, I—” I decided that explaining was pointless. I chose to tackle my questions piecemeal, instead of asking broad open questions that could lead her to wander.

“Why were you looking for Hanako?”

“In order to find her.”

“Why did you want to find her?”

“I want to ask her for a place to sleep tonight.”

“Why?”

“Because I need to sleep.”

“Why do you need a place to sleep tonight in this city? Aren’t you studying in Tokyo?”

“Yes, I’m studying in Tokyo, but I’m not there now. So I need a place to sleep _here_.”

I should have known better than to try and ask two questions at once.

“What brings you to our fair city?” Then I held up a hand to cut her off. “No, wait, let me guess, a train?”

She looked puzzled. “Why did you ask me if you already knew?”

I sighed. “What I should have said was, _why_ are you visiting here?”

“Mana Kikuchi.”

“Mana Kikuchi?”

“Yes.”

“Who or what is Mana Kikuchi?”

For the first time, some animation lit her eyes. “She’s an artist. She’s having a show that’s opening tonight. I need to see it.”

“Why?”

Rin actually paused to put some thought into her answer. “Her art…feels like my art. I need to see it in person. Need to see _her_.”

“She paints abstract human figures?” That being most of what I recalled of Rin’s work.

Rin frowned. “No, she mostly paints landscapes. I didn’t say she painted what I paint. I said her work _feels_ like mine. I just want to know…” She stared at her tea cup, looking wistful. “I just want to know if she really understands.”

I sipped my tea, feeling out of my depth. “Understands what?”

Rin looked up and met my eyes. “Me.”

I shook my head. “Has she ever met you?”

“No. Or at least, not that I know of. I might have ridden next to her on a bus and not known it.”

“Then…how would she understand you? I know you and _I_ don’t understand you, half the time.”

“Only half?”

I stared at her, startled, then I burst into laughter. A ghost of a smile graced her face as she watched me laugh, then she bent to drink her cooling tea.

“Did Hanako know you were coming to visit?”

“I don’t think so. Unless she’s developed precognitive abilities. But I hope she hasn’t.”

Against my better judgement, I indulged my curiosity. “Why not?”

Rin looked at me like I was crazy. “Precognition of future events would wreak havoc with the concepts of causality and free will.”

I blinked at that, startled by her remarkably cogent argument. “Um. True. So, why didn’t you call ahead to ask if you could sleep here?”

Rin shrugged. “I forgot.”

“For that matter, how did you know Hanako lives here?”

“Ooe told me.”

“Natsume Ooe?”

“Yes. She’s kept in touch with Hanako, so she had her address.”

“Yes, I know, she visited us last year.”

“Oh. So she knew you lived here too.”

“Yup.”

“Huh. I wonder why she didn’t mention that?”

Knowing Rin, it seemed to me quite likely that she had, but Rin had forgotten. I wondered how Rin knew Natsume well enough to ask her for Hanako’s address, but decided I didn’t need to dive down that particular rabbit hole just now.

“Well, I don’t like to speak for Hanako or Lilly, but I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t mind you spending the night here. We don’t have a guest room, but the couch is pretty comfy.”

Rin shrugged. “The couch is fine. I sleep on my studio floor half the time anyway. But I promised my advisor that I wouldn’t sleep in the subway or a park. She worries about me getting mugged or raped.” She frowned at me. “You won’t mug or rape me, will you?”

“ _Rin!_ What kind of question is that?”

She nodded. “A fairly pointless one, you’re right. A mugger or rapist is already morally bankrupt, and would probably just lie to me.”

“That’s not what I meant! Just asking me that question implies that you think I _could_ be a mugger or a—a rapist.” I glowered at her. “That is—that is _not_ _cool_.”

She looked mildly surprised by my outrage. “I don’t _think_ you’re a criminal, Hisao, but I haven’t seen you in over two years. I could be wrong. People change.”

I rubbed at my temples. “Not you, apparently,” I muttered.

“I don’t?” She looked pleased by my assessment. “Good. I don’t like change.” She suddenly stood up from the floor and sat back down on the couch. “You interrupted my nap earlier. I couldn’t sleep on the train, there were too many clouds to watch. I’m going to sleep now.” And with that she lay down and closed her eyes.

I stared at her, dumbfounded, my annoyance at her implied accusation slowly fading away. I shook my head and smiled. “Nope. You haven’t changed one bit,” I said softly.

She opened one eye and peered up at me for a moment, before closing it and burrowing into the cushions. I got up and pulled a blanket off a shelf and draped it over her. “Thank you,” she murmured, then her whole body relaxed as she apparently fell asleep almost instantly. I stared at her for a moment, envious of that ability, then quietly gathered the tea things and took them to the kitchen.

After tidying up, I grabbed my books and sat back down at the table to do some studying. I suspected that Rin’s presence might mean I was going to lose some of my usual study time this weekend, although she had implied she was only staying for the one night. But assumptions were rarely safe around Rin, so I cracked the books and dove in.

Around five thirty, the door to the apartment opened and Lilly and Hanako came in. I looked up to see Rin’s eyes open at the noise, then she yawned and sat up, the blanket puddling around her waist.

“Hi, Hanako, Lilly. Rin Tezuka is here,” I said, to let Lilly know we had company.

“Rin?” Hanako froze for just a split second in the act of pulling the door shut behind her, looking startled. Then she relaxed and closed the door. “Hello, R-rin.”

“Rin? Well, that _is_ a surprise,” said Lilly. Before I spoke she had already been relaxing, slipping out of her public face as she entered our apartment. Now I saw her posture tighten up again. “What brings you here?”

“A train,” said Hanako and Rin simultaneously. Hanako giggled. I snorted, and Rin shot me a puzzled look.

“Are you _sure_ she hasn’t developed psychic abilities?”

“Or maybe you’re just that predictable?”

Rin looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded. “Yes. A train _is_ the logical choice for medium-distance transportation.”

That was not quite what I had meant, but I let it slide.

Rin turned to Hanako and Lilly. “It is nice to see you again,” she said, with almost the exact same inflections she had used for greeting me.

“It’s n-nice to see you, too,” replied Hanako, smiling.

Either one response was sufficient for Rin’s sense of propriety, or else she felt that the formulaic greeting was inappropriate for a blind person. I decided to save Hanako and Lilly from a game of Twenty Questions with Rin. “She’s in town to see a gallery opening tonight, and wanted to know if she could sleep here tonight.”

“Although I’ve already slept here,” put in Rin. “But more sleep, later, would be nice, too.”

“Um, sure,” said Hanako.

Lilly nodded in agreement, “But of course,” she said as she hung up her coat.

“Rin’s bag is on the floor at the right end of the couch,” I told Lilly, letting her know about changes to our normally static living room.

Lilly nodded. “Thank you.” I saw her hand reach toward her cane, as if contemplating using it in the apartment, then she dropped her hand and walked toward her room. “If you’ll excuse me a moment, I need to get out of these slacks and into something more comfortable.”

“Hisao can help you with that,” offered Rin. “He was very helpful in taking off my pants.”

I closed my eyes and winced. “ _Rin…”_ I groaned.

Lilly said, in a tone dry enough to desiccate a watermelon, “I’m sure he was. But I believe I can manage on my own.”

I cracked an eye open and peeked hesitantly over at Hanako. She had a hand clamped over her mouth, and her eyes were dancing with merriment. Thank god she seemed to remember what being around Rin was like. Lowering her hand, she tried to keep a straight face as she said, “W-was it at l-least a _n-nice—”_

“ _Don’t_ finish that sentence, please,” I begged. At that Hanako finally lost control, and burst into giggles. I could also hear Lilly laughing through her closed bedroom door. Rin just looked blankly at me, then shrugged. Her universal response to other peoples’ incomprehensible actions.

“I was just helping her in the bathroom,” I said, trying to salvage some shred of my dignity in the face of my laughing girlfriend.

“I’m sure you w-were a complete g-gentleman,” Hanako sputtered through her laughter.

“He was,” confirmed Rin. “He didn’t stare at my genitals at all.”

At that, Hanako had to sit down on the couch, she was laughing so hard.

I sighed, got up, and went to the kitchen to start working on dinner. I just hoped that I could survive a full evening of Rin.

 

* * *

 

We somehow made it through dinner without Rin making any more terminally embarrassing pronouncements, just her usual oblique and opaque ones. I did gradually piece together the impression that school was going well for her. It seemed like she had gone from being a big fish in a little pond to being a little fish in a big pond, and that suited her. She was no longer the star pupil, the unwanted center of attention, but rather she was just one of many talented young artists.

The bright spot to my Rin-provided embarrassment was that Hanako’s prolonged belly laugh seemed to have put her into a good mood, and she dealt with Rin’s obscurities in good humor. Lilly, as usual, had a harder time keeping up with Rin, but she gamely soldiered on, determined to be a good hostess for our odd if uninvited guest.

“What time is the opening?” Lilly asked Rin after dinner, as Hanako and I were clearing the table.

“It starts at six.”

Hanako looked startled. “It’s almost s-seven already. You should go, if you w-want to see her.”

“Oh. Yes, I guess I should.” She remained seated, staring at the table.

Lilly asked, “Do you need help getting to the gallery?”

Rin shook her head, still staring at the table.

“She shook her head,” I murmured to Lilly.

Rin looked up at that, frowning slightly, then she seemed to realize what I was doing. “No. I know the address. I’ll take a taxi.” But still she stayed seated.

Hanako and I exchanged a glance, then she asked gently, “Would you like s-someone to go w-with you? You look like you could use someone t-to—to provide support.”

Rin stared at Hanako for several long moments, long enough for Hanako to begin to fidget under her gaze. Finally, Rin gave a short, sharp nod. “Yes.”

Hanako bit her lip, glanced at Lilly and me, then offered, “Should we all go?”

Rin looked at Lilly, then me, and shook her head. “I don’t think there will be much of interest to Lilly. And she’s not very comfortable with me, so she wouldn’t be good support.”

“And she’s sitting right beside you, so referring to her in the third person is a touch impolite,” said Lilly, with just a hint of asperity in her voice. “Nonetheless…you are correct, there would not be much for me to do there.”

“And you’re uncomfortable around me.”

Lilly hesitated a moment, then said, “I would never be so rude as to say that.”

Rin cocked her head to the side. “Does that mean it’s rude for _me_ to say that?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Oh. I still have problems figuring out what other people find rude.” She looked at Lilly, and her voice took on a formal cadence that made her sound rehearsed. “I am sorry if I gave offense, none was intended.”

Lilly actually smiled at that, and relaxed a bit. “I accept, and appreciate, your apology. Now, you three should get ready to go, so you doesn’t miss your chance to meet your idol.”

“I don’t actually worship her,” said Rin as she rose from the table. “I just…need to meet her.”

“I’ll call the taxi,” I said.

“If you could finish clearing the table before you go, Hanako, I’ll finish clean-up,” said Lilly, also rising.

“Of c-course.”

The ride to the gallery was quiet, with Rin staring out the window the whole way. She seemed to be getting more and more tense as we rode, her right foot tapping on the floor in an irregular pattern. As we drove by a small park, she twisted around to watch it recede behind us.

“That looks like a good worry tree,” Rin murmured.

Hanako gave me a puzzled glance, and I just shrugged. Rin’s favorite gesture was rubbing off on me.

The gallery was in an old building, but the interior was bright and modern looking, light spilling out onto the sidewalk through huge glass windows. As the taxi pulled away, we stood outside for a moment, Rin just staring through the windows, seeming frozen in place.

There was a small crowd in the gallery, maybe two or three dozen people. It wasn’t a shoulder-to-shoulder crowd, there was space enough to view the art work. I glanced at Hanako, and she gave me a tight smile and a brief nod. She was doing better with crowds, but she still did not enjoy them. I took her hand in mine and squeezed, and she smiled more warmly at me.

Hanako took a deep breath. “Shall we g-go in, Rin?”

Rin didn’t respond, but after a moment, she walked into the gallery. She didn’t stop at the guestbook or the table with wine and canapés, but went straight to the closest painting and planted herself in front of it. Hanako and I followed along, stood arm-in-arm behind her, and also studied the painting.

Rin had said that Kikuchi mostly painted landscapes, but that was like saying Rin mostly painted portraits. The painting looked almost like an abstract built of random organic shapes, but the longer I stared at it, the more I saw non-abstract details—trees, buildings, birds, fish, a river. But no one item was in the same scale as the other items, or even had correct internal proportions. Rather, things were distorted and twisted almost to the point of unrecognizability, so that I questioned whether some of the shapes I saw were actually meant to be what I was interpreting them as. Or maybe that shape was _meant_ to be both a bird and a fish?

“That…is oddly disturbing,” Hanako murmured to me. I had to agree.

Rin seemed content to stare at the painting indefinitely, so Hanako and I moved on to examine the next one. There looked to be twenty or so paintings in the show, ranging in size from just under a meter square on up to one massive one that was two by three meters.

By the time Hanako and I had looked at all the pieces in the show, Rin was still less than half-way through. I wondered if it was just that artists could see more in a painting than the average layperson, but none of the other gallery guests seemed to be spending as much time examining the art as Rin was. Having seen all the work present, I agreed with Rin’s statement about how Kikuchi’s work felt like hers. They shared no common subject, but their execution and emotional content felt oddly congruent.

Hanako and I each got a glass of wine and a couple of canapés, and wandered over to a quieter corner of the gallery, away from most of the crowd, to nibble and drink. I watched the crowd as we stood there. Eventually I deduced which person was Kikuchi by the way the crowd centered on her and flowed around her. She was a sylph-like woman in her mid to late thirties, shorter than Rin, with short cropped straight black hair and a brilliant smile. She was dressed in a flowing hand-painted top in shades of green and blue, echoing the dominant colors of her paintings. I wondered if she had painted the top herself.

Rin was walking around with the ends of her jacket sleeves tucked into the jacket’s pockets. If you didn’t look closely and notice how flat the sleeves were, it looked like she was just walking around with her hands in her pockets. I cocked my head and looked at her for a moment, trying to imagine that that was in fact what I was seeing. That she had arms like everyone else. It was an oddly disturbing thought. The mental image of her with arms was just _wrong_ somehow. It wasn’t Rin. Not that she _is_ her handicap, solely defined by it, but at the same time, it’s such an integral part of her that it seemed off-putting to imagine her otherwise. I was startled to realize, imagining Rin _with_ arms provoked the same kind of unease in me that seeing someone _without_ arms or legs used to provoke, before I attended Yamaku.

Rin seemed to sense me looking at her, because she tore her gaze away from the painting in front of her and looked at me. Her expression was blank, and she stared at me in much the same way she had been staring at the paintings, studying me. After a half minute of this unsettlingly intense scrutiny, I asked uncomfortably, “What?”

She gave her head a brief shake, said, “No,” and moved on to the next painting.

“What was th- _that_ about?” Hanako whispered to me.

“I have no idea.”

As Rin headed toward the huge canvas that Kikuchi was standing in front of, I felt myself growing tense. I had no idea how Rin and Kikuchi would interact. I knew that Rin had been surviving on her own for a few years at art school. She obviously could function in the world better than she did in high school. Nonetheless, the urge to intervene, to “translate” Rin-speak, was there. I glanced at Hanako, and she gave me a nervous smile

“I hope K-kikuchi will be…” she paused, as if trying to figure out what she hoped for Rin. “Understanding,” she finished.

I gave a short laugh. “Of Rin?”

Hanako’s smile turned a touch sad, and she bit her lip as we watched from across the room.

Rin paid no attention to Kikuchi, but just focused on the large painting. Eventually Kikuchi seemed to notice the young woman beside her, staring fixedly at her painting. She turned to address Rin, a bright smile on her face.

“Here it goes,” I murmured to Hanako. It had the feeling of watching a powerless ship slowly drift towards an iceberg. An accident in slow motion, where you hope that somehow the ship might turn aside at the last second, but you just know in your gut that it won’t.

“Should we go over there?” I asked Hanako. I knew what her answer would be, but I _really_ wanted to go over and help in some way.

She shook her head. “N-no. This is her world. She’ll…handle it.”

I nodded, although I wasn’t as confident as she. It was odd. I didn’t know Rin all that well, and she’d embarrassed and inconvenienced me today, but nonetheless I wanted to help her. There was something about her slightly off-kilter approach to life that made her seem almost like an other-worldly spirit, drifting delicately through our world, needing protection.

Rin didn’t seem to respond to Kikuchi’s initial greeting, and Kikuchi’s smile faltered. She said something else, and at that, Rin turned to look at her. When she saw Kikuchi, she lifted her chin in a quick, nervous gesture, as if startled. She said something back, and Kikuchi replied in kind. I felt myself relax as they seemed to settle into something that, from a distance at least, resembled normal conversation. They both glanced at the painting they were standing in front of, and Kikuchi nodded at something Rin said.

“Looks like they’re t-talking just fine,” Hanako said. Unspoken was the thought that my intervention hadn’t been needed.

“Shall we wander over and join them?” I asked. “Now that Rin has made first contact?”

Hanako snorted at my phrasing, but after a glance at the size of the crowd around Kikuchi, she shook her head. “You can go, if you w-wish. I’ll wait here.”

I looked at Hanako, realizing that I’d been so focused on Rin that I hadn’t really been paying her any attention. She looked a bit on edge from the crowd, but not unduly so. No worse than she would on a trip to the mall—an experience that was mildly unpleasant for her, but manageable. I squeezed her hand. “Are you sure?”

She smiled at me. “I’m not m-made of glass. This is a…quiet crowd.”

“All right.” With a final squeeze of her hand, I turned towards Rin and Kikuchi—

Rin was nowhere in sight. And Kikuchi was staring out the doorway of the gallery with a baffled look on her face.

“Shit,” I muttered. Hanako and I turned and looked out the front windows. Rin was standing on the sidewalk outside, just staring across the street. Without talking about it, we headed back out, leaving our wine glasses on a table.

We walked up to Rin, who still hadn’t moved. We stood beside her, but she didn't acknowledge our presence in any way.

“Rin?” Hanako asked. Rin didn’t react. Hanako looked at me, and I shrugged. “How d-do you feel?” Hanako asked tentatively.

After a long pause, Rin said, “The same way everyone else does, I suppose.” She looked down at the sidewalk. “Except not with my hands, of course.”

“I meant…” Hanako paused, as if trying to rephrase her question in a Rin-proof manner.

“I know what you meant,” Rin said quietly.

“Oh.”

I cleared my throat. “So…how _are_ you feeling?”

Rin stared across the street at some brightly lit neon bar signs. I studied her face as we waited on her response. Although she looked as flat and unexpressive as she normally did, there were subtle, barely detectable muscular twitches at the corner of her eyes and mouth. I wondered if this were normally the case with her, and I had just never been close enough to her to notice it before. Or perhaps these twitches were only visible because she was feeling something so strongly.

It seemed like she was upset, or at least feeling _something_ strongly. Both the subtle facial tics and the rigidity of her posture seemed to indicate that. But not having been privy to the conversation she had with Kikuchi, I was clueless as to precisely why or how the show and conversation had affected her so. I thought back to what she had said earlier that afternoon.

“So, I take it…Kikuchi doesn’t understand you the way you’d hoped?” I offered.

Rin’s shoulders slumped a little, and she turned to look back into the gallery for a moment. With the light from the gallery full on her face, I could see a trace of sadness in her eyes. She tilted her head back and looked up, between the buildings. “I can’t see the stars in the city,” she said quietly. She turned to put her back to the gallery, and stared back out across the street. “Can you call a cab? I’d like to go to sleep now.”

I glanced at Hanako, and she nodded. As I got my phone out of my pocket, a cab pulled up, apparently to drop off another gallery guest.

“That was fast,” Rin said, and she slipped into the back seat of the cab before the previous passenger could close the door. The woman looked startled, and I gave her an apologetic smile.

“Thank you,” I said, with a quick bow. She hesitated a moment, then nodded and headed into the gallery.

The ride back was as silent as the ride out had been, but the atmosphere was different. Rin didn’t stare out the window, but instead just stared at the back of the seat in front of her. Halfway home, I felt her head drop onto my shoulder, and realized she had fallen asleep.

I half-carried Rin upstairs to our apartment when we got back; she was doing a good imitation of Suzu, just barely able to keep her eyes open as she staggered into the living room. She collapsed immediately onto the couch, and went utterly limp. Hanako gently pulled off her shoes, which she had left on as she entered the apartment. I covered just her legs with the blanket, figuring her jacket would keep her torso warm enough.

Lilly emerged from her room. “How was the opening?” she asked.

Hanako made a shushing sound, but I said, “I don’t think we can wake her with our talking. She’s really out.” Nonetheless, I lowered my voice, and the others followed suit.

“Rin is asleep?” Lilly looked puzzled.

“She passed out on the cab ride home, and was barely able to wake up enough to make it into the apartment.”

“I th-think…it’s her way of coping with…disappointment,” suggested Hanako.

Since Rin was asleep in the living room, we went to Hanako’s and my bedroom to talk. Having no chairs in our room, we all sat on the bed.

“So, things went that poorly for Rin?” asked Lilly.

Hanako and I gave Lilly a run-down on the events of the gallery opening. What we knew of them, not having heard any of Rin’s conversation with Kikuchi.

When we finished, Lilly looked thoughtful for several moments.

“It sounds like she had a lot of hopes and expectations riding on this opening,” she said.

“This afternoon, she said something about how Kikuchi’s art ‘felt’ like her art,” I said. “And she’d hoped Kikuchi might understand her.”

“Understand her? Oh, dear.”

“That…s-seems to be a…universal reaction.”

I frowned. “I still wish I could have helped her in some way.”

“Th-that’s kind, but the art world is _her_ world. She needs to t-tackle it on her own terms. Not be rescued by you.” Hanako softened the criticism by giving me a hug.

“I know, I know.” It was a recurring problem in our relationships. Sometimes it was a fine line, a balancing act, between caring for your loved ones and taking care of them.

Everyone needs someone to take care of them sometimes, and that’s normal in a relationship. The tricky part for us had been finding the line between _taking care of_ and _smothering_ one another.

Lilly and I both had strong urges to take care of others, to “fix” things for them. I had come to realize over time that part of that desire was not so much because I wanted to help—or rather, not _solely_ because I wanted to help—but because I was uncomfortable being around the other person’s pain, and I wanted to decrease my own discomfort.

Learning how to _support_ Hanako through her problems and pains without trying to “fix” things for her was an on-going process. We all three of us struggled with it to one degree or another, and we all slipped up occasionally. But just being aware of it, and knowing that the other person was acting from a place of love, kept it from becoming toxic. Having Lilly in our life certainly helped—she could often tell when the two of us were falling into an unhealthy pattern, and gently intervene. And likewise, we tried to do the same for her.

As I said. A balancing act.

I sighed. “It’s just—she seemed so hopeful. I feel sorry for her.”

“I doubt she wants p-pity, Hisao.” Pity was one topic that almost every Yamaku graduate agreed on.

I shook my head. “Not pity, just—empathy. I feel sad on her behalf. I had hoped she could find what she was looking for.” Indeed, I was kind of surprised at the depth of my feeling for her plight. I hadn’t seen her in over two years, but something about her invited that kind of caring. Maybe it was the couple of hours of we spent in conversation over dinner, trying to understand her and her world view, that lead to my increased sense of empathy for her.

“I just wish I could have helped,” I repeated.

“Sp-speaking of helping her,” Hanako said.

“Yes?”

“Why _were_ you helping Rin t-take off her pants?”

Lilly chuckled, and I winced. “I told you, I was just assisting her in the bathroom. I didn’t peek at her or anything,” I added, a little defensively.

Lilly and Hanako both looked puzzled. “Hisao, she’s our age. She’s got to be twenty-one years old or so,” Lilly pointed out.

“Yeah? So?”

“So, don’t you think that in twenty-one years she’s learned to use the toilet without assistance?”

“Uh…” I felt a little stupid. “I guess. But…then why did she ask for help?”

Lilly shrugged. “I’m sure certain things _would_ be easier with a pair of helping hands, but I don’t doubt she’s fully capable of managing on her own without if needs be.”

“Erm…”

“M-maybe…because you’re a Yamaku g-graduate…she just assumed you might be used to assisting others in…awkward situations?”

“Maybe. I suppose I could ask her.” Even as I said that I pictured the range of possible answers I might get, and shook my head. Hanako smiled wryly at me and also shook her head. “Ah, no, never mind that.”

Rin as a topic of conversation petered out, and we chatted quietly for a while about our respective days, discussing things we hadn’t gotten to over dinner while talking with Rin. We all eventually slumped into a comfortable pile together on the bed as we talked, Hanako leaning against my side, Lilly reclining with her head in Hanako’s lap. Hanako gently stroked Lilly’s hair.

“W-would you like to sleep here, tonight, Lilly?” asked Hanako, as our yawns increased to the point where we couldn’t ignore them any longer.

“I…do not need comforting. Nor do you, unless there is something you’re not telling me.”

Hanako shook her head. “No. N-not comforting, but—this feels nice. Why sh-should we require a c-crisis to feel nice?”

“But what about Rin?” Lilly protested weakly.

“What about her?” I asked. “She’s asleep. It’s none of her business where you sleep. And even if she did realize we were all together, she’s practically the poster-child for odd behavior. I don’t think she’d judge us.”

“It _does_ feel nice…” Lilly admitted. She arched her head against Hanako’s hand on her hair, looking remarkably feline.

“Good,” I said, pretending that she had just agreed to spend the night. “Let’s brush our teeth and get changed and go to sleep. It’s been a long week.”

Lilly acquiesced to my fait accompli, and that’s what we did, this time with Hanako in the middle. I turned off my alarm, deciding to make tomorrow a rest day from running. Hanako was right, it _did_ feel nice to have Lilly with us without a crisis.

In the morning, when we awoke, Rin was gone.

The blanket was draped over the end of the sofa, surprisingly neatly folded given that she had to have done it with her feet. Of course, she’d had a lifetime of practice. There was a note on top, written in broad kanji, that said simply _Thank you,_ with no signature.

“Well, it’s n-not as if it c-could be from anyone else,” Hanako said dubiously, as she examined the minimalistic note.

“Still, she could have at least said good bye and thank-you in person,” said Lilly, sounding slightly miffed.

I placed a soothing hand on her shoulder. “This _is_ Rin we’re talking about,” I reminded her. “Saying goodbye in person would probably have entailed an additional hour of conversation about how the bandersnatch and jubjub birds were doing this morning.”

Lilly snorted and shook her head, smiling slightly.

Hanako frowned at me. “She’s odd, Hisao, b-but she’s not…delusional,” she chided.

I shrugged, a little embarrassed by my remark. “Well, no, I suppose not, but sometimes her remarks are so difficult to understand that they _feel_ delusional. Even if they make sense to her.” I headed into the kitchen to start breakfast. “So, do either of you have any interesting plans for this weekend?”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

I was almost out the door on my way to class one Wednesday morning when my phone rang with Hanako’s ringtone.

“Hi, Hanako, what’s up?” I answered. Phone in one hand, I tried to slip my backpack on. I had what felt like a hundred kilos of notes and books for today’s classes, and it was awkward to maneuver one-handed.

“Are you s-still at home?”

“Yeah.”

“I left my m-media history notebook at home. Could you g-grab it and give it to me at lunch time?”

“Sure, no problem.” I dropped the balky backpack and kicked my shoes back off. “Where is it?”

“Bedroom, I think.”

As I headed toward our bedroom, Lilly came out of her room. I assumed she had heard my phone ring and knew I was on the phone with Hanako, so I just nodded to her in passing. Then I gave myself a mental kick. Even after living with her for two years, old habits die hard. But at least she hadn’t been able to see me being so stupid. Then I kicked myself again for being insensitive.

“It’s the g-green one, I _think_ I left it on the b-beside table.”

“Ah…” I glanced at the table, but nothing green was in sight. “No luck. Anywhere else?”

Hanako paused a moment, thinking, and I bent down to check if it had fallen off of the table and under the bed. It wasn’t as if our room was so large that there could be a lot of places for it to hide.“M-maybe the bookcase?”

“Hmmm…nope. There are a couple of green notebooks, but neither is marked media history. Just multimedia and storytelling two.”

“How about—”

I missed the rest of what Hanako said as I heard a crash and a thud in the living room, followed by the extremely rare sound of Lilly cursing out loud. I felt myself go pale as I remembered dropping my backpack on the floor, right in front of the door.

“Oh, shit.”

“I c-can do without it if—”

“It’s not you, I left my backpack on the floor, Lilly just tripped, I’ll call you back,” I said quickly as I rushed back to the living room. “Bye.” I hung up without waiting for a response.

Lilly was, as I expected, sitting on the floor by my heavy backpack. The cursing had cut off, but I could see the muscles in her jaw rippling as she clenched her teeth. She was rubbing one knee.

“Lilly, I’m _so_ sorry, I was just grabbing something for Hanako, I didn’t think—”

“ _Obviously_ ,” she growled. I flinched at the tone of voice and her expression, both of which were very un-Lilly-like.

I drop to my knees beside her and put a hand on her shoulder, then jerked it back when she flinched. “Is there anything—what can I do to help?” I stared helplessly at her, trying to see if there was any other damage besides a bruised knee.

“Not leave stacks of bloody bricks in the doorway,” she snapped. Then she bit her lips and took a deep, shuddering breath, obviously trying to get her emotions under control.

“I’m sorry,” I reiterated. “It’s my backpack…it _is_ rather heavy.”

“Backpack?” She shook her head. “You’re going to give yourself scoliosis if you carry around that many books.”

“I don’t think scoliosis works that way,” I offered hesitantly, relieved that she could be making a joke about it.

Lilly smiled a little, but then I was shocked to see the smile fall away and she squeezed her eyes shut, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. She took another deep breath and held it.

“Lilly? I’m so, so—”

“You’re sorry, yes, I know, you said that,” she said in clipped tones. She swiped at the corners of her eyes, brushing away the errant tears.

I felt at a loss for words or what to do. I had messed up before and caused her discomfort or annoyance, but she seemed to be taking this much worse than usual for some reason. Though it _had_ been over a year since the last time Hanako or I had messed up in such a major way.

She bent her head, breathing normalizing, and she stopped rubbing at her knee. I was relieved to see no blood when she dropped her hand, although I suspected there would be a good sized bruise for a couple of weeks. I anticipated feeling guilty watching her limp around for the next few days. Limping was harder on her than it would be for me or Hanako, since it threw off her proprioception a bit, and made it harder for her to navigate a known space by memory.

Like our apartment.

I bent down low, my nose almost touching the carpet, so Lilly could hear my apologetic bow. “I was inconsiderate and stupid, and I caused you pain. I promise I shall work harder in the future to—”

I stopped as I heard her give a shuddering gasp, and I glanced up to see her clamping a hand across her mouth, tears forming in her eyes again. I sat up and reached out a hand, then paused before touching her, remembering her flinch before. “Lilly? What—do you have some injury I can’t see?” Terrified visions of a broken wrist, or a blow to the head that I couldn’t see through her hair, flooded my imagination.

Hand still clamped over her mouth, she shook her head, then she reached out toward me with her other hand. Reassured, I scooted closer and put an arm across her shoulders. “Lilly?” I said hesitantly. I couldn't help but feel that something other than my mis-placed backpack was at play here, but I was clueless as to what it was. “Is something—”

She cut me off by pulling me close and burying her face in my shoulder. She didn't cry, but her torso shook for a few moments, as if she was suppressing sobs. I ran my hands up and down her back, softly murmuring, “Shh, it’s all right, I’m sorry, I’m here…”

Her shudders stopped, and she inhaled deep, relaxing in my arms as she blew out a slow breath. I continued to hold and stroke her back, guilt-wracked and puzzled, wondering what was going on.

“I’m sorry, Hisao,” she said quietly.

I gave an involuntary snort of disbelieving laughter. “ _You’re_ sorry? _I’m_ the one who messed up. You should be able to walk around your own living room without worrying about tripping over bags full of bricks.”

She shook her head, and pulled away from me, sitting up straight. “It’s not…it’s not just that. It’s not you, nothing you’ve done.” She smiled toward me. “I’m fine.”

I frowned at her, watched as her polite social mask slowly reassembled itself, blocking off her emotions from public display. “Lilly…” I hesitated a moment, then said, “This is Hisao you’re talking to. Please don’t lie to me.”

She flinched and turned her head away from me, then sighed and nodded. As she turned back to face me, her mask cracked, and I could see some sorrow in her expression. Her shoulders slumped, and she resumed rubbing absently at her reddened knee.

“It wasn’t you…I mean, yes, it was your backpack, and thank you for the apology, but my overreaction…” She shook her head and leaned against me again, and I automatically brought up my arms to hug her. “It was Tosh—Ogata.”

“Ah.” I had no idea exactly what she was talking about, but I once again had a knee-jerk desire to seek out Ogata and punch him. Potentially fatal consequences notwithstanding.

“His apartment…” She sighed. “He kept it neat, and after a while I didn’t need my cane in order to move around in there, but sometimes…” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Sometimes, I think he moved his furniture around by just a few centimeters. Just enough so that I might brush into the couch, or a table, while walking around.”

“What—why on earth would he do _that_?” I asked, utterly baffled and appalled.

“I asked him about it, but he said that of _course_ he never moved anything around. He asked me the same thing, why would I think he’d do such a thing? And he always sounded so reasonable, I assumed my memory was just a little off, until one time…one time…”

I could feel my heart pounding its irregular rhythm in my chest as my pulse increased, my face heating up as my anger grew. _This isn’t about me, it’s about Lilly_ , I reminded myself, but by _god_ did I ever want to deliver a world of hurt to Ogata.

If I could just figure out how to do it without committing suicide.

I struggled to dampen my anger, before it could adversely affect my heart. Having a heart attack in the middle of the living room would not help Lilly deal with…whatever this was about.

“One time, I fell down next to the couch, and I could feel in the carpet…indentations from where the couch feet had been pressed into the carpet for a long time. Until the couch was moved over a few centimeters.”

“That… _asshole_ ,” I growled. Hanako’s assessment seemed like the only really applicable term. Lilly ignored me.

“When I confronted him with that evidence, he laughed and apologized, said that he must have shoved the couch over a bit while he was vacuuming or something.” She shook her head against my shoulder. “I accepted that explanation. Despite the fact that it was a heavy couch, and the indentations in the carpet must have taken months to form.” She slumped even more against me, her entire postured dejected. “I was such a fool,” she whispered.

“ _No_ ,” I said firmly, and hugged her tight. “No, you were not a fool. When someone deceives you, it’s _his_ fault that he’s a jerk, not yours. _You_ did nothing wrong. Nothing!”

“Thank you. I know that. Intellectually, I know that. But in my heart…I still feel like a fool.”

“I’m…so sorry, Lilly. That you had to deal with that. But I’m glad you’re free of him now.” She just nodded.

I held her and rocked her for a couple of minutes, calming down, hoping she was taking some comfort from my hug as well. Once again I wanted to ask her what it was she’d ever found desirable or good about Ogata, but now was not the time for that conversation. Eventually, she pulled away from me and sat up.

“Well. We’re both going to be late to class this morning. I’m sorry.”

“Would you _please_ stop apologizing to me for something that’s my fault?” I asked. “I shouldn’t have left my backpack in the middle of the floor.”

“Are you sure there aren’t any bricks in there?” she asked, poking the backpack. Her hand glided across the pack, until she found the shoulder strap and lifted the pack with a little grunt. “Heavens, Hisao, I may have been joking about the scoliosis, but this is _ridiculous_.”

I grimaced. “I know. Fortunately, it’s only on Wednesdays that I have all three classes. And I still need to find Hanako’s notebook and add it to the rest.” I glanced toward the table in front of the couch, and my position on the floor allowed me to see a green binder on the floor, under the table. “Ah. There it is.” I retrieved the notebook and added it to my load—really, it was nothing, compared to the weight of three textbooks already in there.

I got up and helped Lilly to her feet. She grimaced only a little as she put weight on her right leg, but I felt as guilty as if I’d knee-capped her with a baseball bat. She took a moment to tidy her hair and pull on her coat and shoes. While she did, I sent Hanako a quick text.

Hisao: _Found your notebook will c u @ lunch_

Hanako: _How’s Lilly???_

Hisao: _A little bruised. Will tell you about it lunchtime <3_

Hanako: _< 3<3<3_

 

* * *

 

I met Hanako for lunch at the little tea shop just off campus where we shared lunch most Tuesdays and Wednesdays between classes. As we ate, I gave her a summary of what Lilly had told me.

“Why d-didn't she tell us a-b-bout this before?” Hanako asked plaintively.

“I think because she was too embarrassed.”

“ _She_ didn’t do anything wrong!” Hanako exclaimed, with a strength of conviction that she rarely displayed except in defense of others.

“I know that. You know that. Even _she_ knows that, I think, but still…I think it shames her to think about how long she stayed with that cad.”

Hanako’s eyes flicked left and right, as if making sure no one was near enough to hear, then muttered venomously, “That _asshole_.” Then she blushed.

I laughed. When Hanako glared at me, I held up my hands in protest. “I’m not used to hearing you swear.”

She looked down and shrugged. “He’s…earned it.”

“True.”

“What can we d-do to help her?” Hanako asked.

“I…don’t know. Just…continue to love her, I guess. Be there for her.” Hanako shot me an odd look. “What?”

She gave a tiny smile, and shook her head. “Nothing. I agree. And if _I_ ever see O-g-gata again, _I’ll_ punch his lights out.”

I laughed again, at the notion of Hanako being violent—but, if she was ever going to be violent, it _would_ be in defense of her friends. “I’ll hold your purse for you while you do,” I gallantly offered.

“Thank you, dear,” she said sweetly.

 

* * *

 

About a month after Rin visited, the apartment building supervisor stopped me as I entered the building one afternoon.

“You have a large package that was delivered today,” said Mr. Hirano. I was surprised; none of us had ordered anything recently that I knew of. When he brought out the package, I was even more puzzled, as it was large and flat. A little over a meter square, but only twenty centimeters or so thick. When I saw “Tezuka” in the return address field, I remembered Rin’s comment about “fixing” the lack of artwork in our apartment. I thanked Mr. Hirano, then lugged the awkwardly large box up to the apartment. It was a lot heavier than I thought it would be, assuming it was just a canvas. And the center of gravity was odd, too, very low.

The box was addressed to all three of us, so I decided to wait for Lilly and Hanako to come home before opening it. The box itself was almost a work of art—the shipping label was a standard machine printed label stuck on the corner of the box, but our names were also written in broad brush strokes across the whole front of the box. The kanji were loose and flowing, but surprisingly legible, and I was reasonably sure Rin had painted them herself.

I put the box in the bedroom, so it wouldn’t be in the way to trip Lilly, should she come home while I wasn’t around to warn her of its presence. And then I dove into my ever-present pile of waiting homework.

Once we were all home, I pulled the box back out to the living room. I got a sharp knife from the kitchen and sliced the tape sealing the top of the package. Lifting the top flap, I found a sheet of folded paper, with a computer-printed note. I read it out loud to Lilly and Hanako:

_Thank you for your hospitality. Your apartment needs more art. I don’t normally paint impasto, but I did this time so Lilly could appreciate it too. It’s acrylic on canvas with a masonite backing, so it’s sturdy enough to withstand being handled._

There was a dark red chop stamped below the text. The calligraphy was ornate, but I could just decipher Rin’s last name in the mark.

“Impasto?” said Hanako, sounding puzzled.

I was clueless myself. “She painted with…noodles?”

Lilly choked back a laugh. “It’s an artistic style where the paint is applied very thickly to the canvas, creating a textured surface,” she said. “I think you’ll see what she means when you take the painting out of the box.”

Thus prompted, I flipped up the next flap on the top of the box. There was just a corner of canvas sticking up, not an edge, surrounded by wadded up newsprint. As I pulled out the paper and fished the canvas out of the box, I realized that the canvas was not a traditional rectangle, but an equilateral triangle.

I saw immediately what Lilly had meant about a textured surface. The paint was applied so thickly in places that it almost qualified as sculpture. Which accounted for the box’s unusual weight.

“Oh, my,” said Hanako, looking startled. I moved around to the front of the painting so I could get a better look at the painting too, and was similarly startled.

“What is it?” asked Lilly.

“It’s…us,” I said, slowly. “She’s done a portrait of the three of us.”

Lilly waited a moment for us to describe it further, then she asked, “May I feel it?”

I shook myself a little, to pull myself away from staring at the portrait. “Sure,” I said. I moved the canvas closer to her and reached out to place her fingers on the top of the piece.

She knelt on the floor beside it to let her hands pass lightly over the whole piece quickly, then she went back to explore it slowly, in more depth. As she felt it, I provided her with additional description.

It was triangular, and each point of the triangle contained a profile portrait of one of us, with the top of our heads pointing towards the point. I was pleased she had portrayed our left sides, so that Hanako’s scars weren’t visible. The images weren’t photo-realistic, but they were more realistic than was Rin’s usual style; there was no mistaking that they were meant to be us. Our shoulders met in the middle of the picture, where our arms blended together into a heart. A muscular, realistic heart, not the valentine kind. It had a bandage across the left ventricle. Hanako’s and Lilly’s hair were drawn as intertwining among the three of us, more like vines than hair, and the hair wrapped around the heart as well. Hanako’s dark hair contrasted sharply with Lilly’s golden blonde.

The impasto effect was especially prominent with the hair, which made it look even more like vines. I ran my fingers over the painting of my face, and could easily determine the outline of my face and features.

There was no “correct” way to hang the painting, so far as I could tell—Rin had placed her signature chop three times, once in each point of the triangle, so the canvas could conceivably be rotated to place any one of us at the top or bottom. I looked at the back of the canvas, and found six attachment points arranged in a hexagon for hanging, further emphasizing that fact. There was also a small bag with some sort of hardware taped to the back.

“That is amazing,” I finally concluded. “Not what I was expecting when Rin told me we needed more art in here, but neat.” I looked over at Hanako, and was pleased to see a gentle smile on her face. “You like it, Hanako?”

She nodded slowly. “It’s very…sweet. Not at all what I w-would expect from Rin, either.”

“What about you, Lilly? Can you read the impasto enough to get an idea of it?”

“Oh, yes, I can feel the faces, although I can mostly tell who is who from the hair, not the facial features. It was surprisingly considerate of Rin to make that effort for me.” She also looked pleased. She let her fingers trace over the outlines of our faces one more time. “This is the first painting I’ve ever been able to appreciate.”

“Where should w-we hang it?” Hanako asked.

“Is there some available wall space where I could easily reach it, should I wish to examine it again?” Lilly asked.

Hanako and I look around the living room, and I offered, “If we move the Hokusai poster somewhere else, I think it could fit on the wall by your bedroom door.”

Hanako nodded. “That could work.”

“It’s so heavy, we’ll need something sturdy to hang it—oh, wait,” I interrupted myself, recalling the plastic bag taped to the back of the painting. I tugged the bag off and peered inside it. “Rin included hanging hardware, too.”

It was the work of a few minutes to take down the poster and hang up the painting, and Lilly stepped up to it to run her hand over it again. She nodded. “I think it looks wonderful there,” she said. She smiled towards us. “But why did you choose to hang it with my face at the top?”

“Honestly, that was just the way it was oriented when I grabbed it,” I admitted. “No deeper meaning.”

“We can…rotate it periodically,” said Hanako.

“That might be nice,” said Lilly.

“We should s-send her a thank-you,” Hanako said.

“Yeah…though I doubt a regular thank-you note would mean much to Rin,” I mused.

“Hmm. Perhaps we can give some thought to a more creative thank-you,” Lilly suggested.

Hanako giggled. “M-maybe send her some spaghetti? P-pasta for the impasto?”

I groaned, and Lilly looked like she was trying to suppress a similar reaction. “Perhaps something a little less…punny,” Lilly suggested drily.

I recalled one of the first things Rin had told me when she showed up on our doorstep. “Actually, I take that back. She said she’s taking a class in social interaction. Perhaps a ‘proper’ thank you note would be just the right thing.”

“Ah. Yes. An opportunity to reinforce social norms for Rin should not be missed,” said Lilly with a wry smile. She rose and headed toward her bedroom. “If I provide the stationery, could you write the note, Hanako?” Lilly’s handwriting, although tight and precisely legible, was not terribly “pretty,” and the less said about my own handwriting the better.

“Of course,” said Hanako.

So we ended up sending Rin the most commonplace thank-you note I had ever written, meticulously proper and correct in its phrasing and praise of the artwork. I hoped that her social interactions teacher would be pleased.

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

I was just coming out of class when I spotted a familiar blonde head sitting on a bench across the quad, despite the cold weather. I had a half hour until my appointment, so I crossed over to where Lilly was sitting. “Hi, Lilly,” I called as I approached, but I got no response. As I drew closer, I realized she had headphones on. I sat on the bench beside her and gently touched her shoulder. She paused the recording she was listening to, and lowered her headphones.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Lilly.”

“Oh, Hisao. Hello.”

“It’s awfully chilly to be doing homework outside, isn’t it?”

Lilly smiled. “Yes, but at least it’s sunny. It’s been so long since I’ve spent any time outdoors, I just wanted to feel the sun on my face for a while.” Her rosy cheeks told me she’d been sitting out here for some time already. She flexed her gloved fingers a few times. “Although I probably should head inside soon.”

“Where is your next class?”

“Kofukan hall,” she replied, gesturing to the building to our left.

“Ah, I was going to be heading there myself in a little while. Meeting with an advisor.”

Lilly looked pleased. “So, do you really think you’ll be transferring to education after all?”

“I think so. That’s what we’ll be talking about. See if I can finish all the requirements without having to add any extra semesters to my schooling.”

“I’m glad. You’re a good teacher. I never would have gotten the scores in science I did without your assistance.”

I shrugged, embarrassed but also pleased by the compliment. “Thanks. It’s not that I don’t love science, but I’ve really enjoyed tutoring my classmates, helping them to understand things. It feels like maybe I should be focusing on that.”

“Well, the world could use more good science teachers.”

“I may have to come to you for help with the theories of education classes. I’ve looked over some of the class materials, and they seem a bit…opaque.”

Lilly chuckled. “Obfuscatory, in some cases. I’ll let you in on one of the dirty little secrets of education _about_ education. It’s full of the flavor of the month and fads. Getting an education degree is a hoop you jump through in order to be able to teach, but don’t expect the theory classes to teach you too much about how to actually do it well. Fortunately, you already have a knack for it, and the pragmatic courses are good, so just jump through those hoops, then go forth and teach.”

“Oh. That’s…a bit depressing.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be discouraging. I may be being overly cynical about it.” She sighed. “Probably because I was just listening to notes for Professor Hayashi’s class. He’s one of the worst offenders in that regard.”

“Avoid Professor Hayashi, check.”

“I don’t think you’ll be able to, but good luck.” She pulled her headphones off from where they’d been resting around her neck, and wrapped the cord around them before stowing them in her bag. “Shall we head inside, before my fingers fall off?”

“Sure.” As we stood up, I offered Lilly my arm, and she rested her hand lightly on it. “How’re your classes going? Did anyone ever track down a braille copy of that text book you were looking for?”

“No, unfortunately, so I’ve been making do with an audio copy.” She grimaced. “It’s a lot harder to skim and skip around an audio text, even with proper indexing and bookmarking.”

“I’ll bet. My only experience with audio books is fiction; I can’t imagine text books would work very well that way.”

Lilly shrugged. “One adapts. At least with modern audio players I can listen at six times speed and not have it sound like a chipmunk.” I laughed.

As we entered Kofukan hall, we passed through a large lobby-slash-study area, with numerous tables and comfy chairs scattered about. I was focused on the path in front of us, aware of my obligation to help Lilly navigate the slightly cluttered space safely, so I didn’t really pay attention to who was present until I felt Lilly’s hand spasm tighter around my arm for a moment. At that I looked up, and saw Ogata sitting at a table with several other students across the room. He was laughing at something, which was probably what Lilly had heard. I noticed a smiling young woman—short, slim, with long black hair—was hanging on his arm.

I clamped down on my immediate desire to confront him, aware that that wouldn’t help Lilly any, and we walked through the lobby to where the elevators were. I don’t think Ogata saw us as we passed through the space, though I was sure Lilly had felt me tense up.

“Where is your next class?” I asked Lilly, in what I hoped was a casual voice. I don’t think I was very successful, because Lilly sighed before responding.

“Room four-twelve.”

I pressed the elevator call button, and we boarded the elevator with several other students. As we exited the elevator onto the fourth floor, I finally asked, “So, is that why you were studying outside, instead of in the study lounge?”

Lilly grimaced. “I really _did_ want to get some fresh air,” she evaded.

“Uh-huh.”

She sighed. “It's impossible to avoid him entirely. The creative writing program is in this building too. And he's very social, always hanging around holding court.”

I snorted at that description. “Holding _court_? Is he royalty?”

Lilly shrugged uncomfortably. “ _I_ first met him in that lounge.”

I wanted to ask her what she’d ever seen in him, but we arrived at her classroom. I glanced in and saw a few other students had already arrived and were settling in. “Here you go, room four–twelve.”

Lilly smiled and patted my arm before unfolding her cane. “Thank you, Hisao. I hope your meeting goes well. Are you heading home after that?”

“I need to swing by the library to dig up an article first, but yeah, after that. It's my turn to cook tonight, right?”

“I believe so, yes. I'll be home after five.”

I smiled. “See you then.” I turned to leave as she entered the classroom.

When the elevator arrived, Ogata and the young woman I'd seen on his arm stepped out. He noticed me, and his eye twitched momentarily before he nodded and said, “Nakai.”

I gave him a curt nod. “Ogata.” I hoped my tone of voice was as cold as I felt. I curbed my impulse to shove past him, and waited for them to finish exiting before I entered the elevator. The young woman looked puzzled, obviously picking up on our enmity, but not understanding it. I had a momentary desire to warn her about the cad, but nothing caustic and pithy enough occurred to me before the doors closed.

I sighed, and pressed the button for two, where I was meeting the education advisor. _Let it go_ , I told myself. _You can't “avenge” Lilly, and she wouldn't thank you for it if you tried._ I did feel sorry for the woman with Ogata, but she was also outside of my purview.

As I sat outside the advisor’s office, waiting for my meeting with her, I brooded on Ogata. _I should have said “Oh, is this your new toy for this month?” Or “Watch out, he’ll ditch you if you gain any weight.” Or…heh…”I’m sorry, Toshi, but my VD test came back positive. You’d better get tested too.”_

I smiled sourly at myself. I’d never dare say anything like that to someone in real life, but the fantasies were pleasant, anyway. Besides, if I was going to transfer to the education program, I’d be spending more time in this building myself. Which meant I’d be bumping into him occasionally, like it or not. That in and of itself was almost an incentive to not switch majors. Not that I was going to let him dictate my life choices.

I sighed. Hanako had said something about grudges once…what was it? _Holding a grudge against someone is like giving them a space to live in your head, rent-free._ I wasn’t sure if that was a quote from a book she’d read, or from her therapist, but it applied. I shouldn’t give him any more thought. He was out of our lives, and we were the better for it.

“Mister Nakai?” The advisor poked her head out of her door. I popped to my feet, and gave her a quick bow before entering her office. _Move forward, don’t keep looking back,_ I admonished myself.

“So, I hear you’re interested in transferring to education…”

 

* * *

 

Papers and exams, classes and work, our life proceeded apace for the next few weeks. One Saturday evening, after dinner and clean-up was done, the three of us curled up on the couch to listen to a book together. Lilly and Hanako tried to do this together every week or two, classwork permitting, and I joined them when I had the time. Occasionally one of us would read to the other two, but in general it was more relaxing to borrow an audio book from the library, so we could all relax and listen together.

We took turns choosing what to listen to, although since I was often absent from these social literary sessions, Lilly and Hanako picked most of the books. Besides which, my preference for recreational reading ran to science books or science fiction, which was not really to their tastes.

Hanako and Lilly shared an affection for modern literature, which I had come to develop a small bit of appreciation for. It’s not something I would choose of my own accord to read for fun, but at least I no longer cringed when they picked out something by Murakami to listen to.

Lilly occasionally tossed some classic English literature into the mix, thankfully in translation—the one time we tried to listen to _Little Women_ in the original, we were pausing every few minutes so Lilly could translate some word, idiom, or cultural referent for Hanako or me.

For herself, Hanako eventually confessed to a love for potboiler romances, and we’d listened to a few of those, too. I would have a hard time admitting it to anyone outside of the three of us, but I actually found them to be almost disturbingly compelling. I got surprisingly wrapped up in the soap-opera love-lives of those fictional characters. To the point where I once sought out the book we were listening to so I could read ahead, just to find out who ended up with whom. Even Lilly conceded that there was something relaxing about the simplistic formulaic love stories.

Tonight, we were listening to _Moonrise over Lake Biwa_ , one of Hanako’s romances. It was a new author, from a series that we’d not listened to before. We were only a quarter of the way through it, but it was already set up with a classic love triangle, where Chiyoko has been put into a situation where she was feeling torn between two friends of whom she is equally fond, Takumi and Jiro. I found myself unreasonably on edge as the story moved along, because it was plainly obvious that Chiyoko truly felt attracted to both, and they were both good men, who were friends of each other; there was no obvious “bad guy” in this triangle whom I could predict was going to lose out in the end.

Hanako and Lilly were laying head-to toe on the couch, cuddled up against each other, sharing a blanket. Lilly had her head propped up on a pillow at one end of the couch, and Hanako’s head was in my lap at the other. We listened for about an hour and a half before my repeated yawns prompted Hanako to say, “Shall we c-call it a night?”

I didn’t want to be a killjoy, but I _was_ exhausted. “As soon as this chapter ends,” I suggested, which kept us going for another five minutes. I slipped out from under Hanako as she and Lilly started to disentangle themselves from each other and the blanket. “Who is she going to end up with?” I asked Hanako. She had read the book before recommending it as a listen. “Jiro?”

“Why would you think that? I think she’s obviously more attracted to Takumi,” said Lilly. “Just listen to the way she describes his hands.”

“Maybe, but Jiro’s good-looking too. And he has a better job.”

“Does that really matter in affairs of the heart?”

Hanako just smiled and said nothing. I gave her a puppy-dog look. “Come on, Hanako, give us a break. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to listen to the whole book, what with finals coming up.”

“Then we’ll all w-wait together to finish it,” she said placidly. I groaned. Lilly was sometimes willing to reveal plot details of books we hadn’t read before, but Hanako was adamant that the joy of the story was in the journey, and we’d just have to wait until we got there.

As Hanako stood up from the couch, Lilly remained seated, looking pensive for a few moments. I tidied up last few cups in the kitchen as Hanako folded the blanket she and Lilly had been sharing. As I started to head towards the bedroom, Lilly lifted her head and said quietly, “Hanako? Hisao? Would you mind…if I joined you tonight?”

I glanced at Hanako and nodded. If Lilly was feeling bad, I wanted to help.

“Of course,” said Hanako. “Is…everything all right?” Lilly hadn’t _seemed_ distressed or upset that evening, but if I had missed something, it seemed like Hanako had missed it also.

“Just…” Lilly shook her head, looking embarrassed. “It’s silly.”

“If you’re feeling b-bad, it’s not silly,” Hanako said.

Lilly grimaced. “This sounds stupid, but…listening to a romance novel is…depressing, in a way.”

“Ah. Yes.” I could understand that. Though it had been over two months since her breakup with Ogata, the particularly nasty way he’d gone about it seemed to have left some wounds that were still healing.

“You’re always welcome in our bed,” Hanako said, and I blushed as I considered different ways that phrase could be interpreted.

Lilly seemed taken aback by the phrasing too, but she just nodded. “Thank you,” she said, then she gave a glimmer of a smile. “And I won’t wear my peach pajamas this time, Hisao.”

“Er…”

Lilly and Hanako laughed. “I t-told her that those pajamas were…a t-touch revealing.”

“Yes. Well, thank you for that,” I said stiffly.

“At least that explains why they were Toshiko’s favorites,” said Lilly, then her face fell a little at the thought. She shook her head as if banishing the cad from her thoughts, then she stood up and headed to her bedroom to change.

Hanako and I changed into our sleep wear while Lilly was in the bathroom. Hanako refrained from verbal comment when I slipped into a clean pair of underwear before donning my pajamas, although her mouth twitched a little.

“Sometimes I wish I could just punch Ogata,” I grumbled. “I want to make him pay for hurting Lilly.”

“P-please don’t get into any f-fist fights,” Hanako said mildly. “Although sending Ogata to prison for m-manslaughter might have its g-gratifying aspects, losing you would not b-be worth it.”

“I know, I know. Though the thought of him in prison _is_ an attractive one.”

Hanako shook her head. “Let’s focus instead on…helping Lilly feel b-better.”

I smiled at Hanako. “Wise woman.” I gave her a kiss, grabbing the opportunity for a moment of privacy before Lilly joined us.

The kiss went on for a couple of minutes, and I was sufficiently distracted that I didn’t hear the bathroom door open. Eventually I looked up, to see Lilly standing in the bedroom doorway, smiling toward us. “That sounded like a nice one.”

Hanako chuckled in response. “Yes.”

I coughed and blushed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” said Lilly, as she came into the room. She found the edge of the bed, then sat down. “I love you both. It makes me happy, to know you two are happy.”

“We love you too,” said Hanako, as she sat down next to Lilly. I sat down on Lilly’s other side. Hanako and I wrapped our arms around Lilly’s back, hugging her between us. Hanako leaned in to give Lilly a kiss on the cheek, and without thinking about it, I mirrored the motion.

Lilly drew in a sharp breath, looking startled, and her hand flew up to touch her cheek where I’d kissed her. Hanako and Lilly had shared friendly little pecks many times, but it was the first time I’d ever kissed Lilly.

“Sorry!” I blurted. “I—that was forward of me, I’m sorry, I—”

Lilly cut me off by turning her head and kissing my cheek in turn. My words stumbled to a halt, my face flushing. I looked nervously over at Hanako, to find her beaming at the two of us.

“Don’t apologize,” said Lilly. “Thank you. Thank you both. For reminding me that I’m lovable.”

“Always,” said Hanako. “We want you to be happy, too.”

I nodded in agreement. “Yes.”

Lilly smiled and shook her head slightly. “You two…” she trailed off.

“We what?” I asked, after a few moments of silence.

Lilly turned her smile to me. “You two are wonderful,” she said.

“Er. Thank you,” I said. I couldn’t help but feel like she had started to say something else, but I couldn’t think of how to ask her about it.

“Who g-gets the middle this time?” asked Hanako.

“If you wouldn’t mind…” Lilly said.

“Not at all,” I assured her. Some more mental review of my physics homework could only help my grades. We crawled into bed and cuddled up together. _If we're going to keep doing this, we should probably invest in a larger bed_ , I thought wryly.

“Good night,” said Lilly. “I love you.”

“We love you too,” I said.

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

The flurry of final exams that came at the end of the school year were tough, but not as tough as previous semesters’ had been. I didn’t know if that was because I just had easier classes this term (hah), or if I was getting used to the pace of university life.

Lilly finished with exams first, on Wednesday, and was on a plane to Scotland later that evening. Hanako and I had our last exams on Friday, so we bade her a brief farewell in the apartment before returning to cramming.

When I got back to the apartment after my last exam was over, I found Hanako passed out asleep on the couch, her jacket still on. I smiled and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. She vaguely pawed at me and whined piteously, “ _Nooo_ , jus’ five more minutes…”

“Come on, sleepy head. You’ll sleep more comfortably in bed.”

Hanako slowly peeled her eyes open and blinked up at me, a confused expression on her sleepy face. “Hisao? Why are you in Scotland?”

I laughed. “What were you dreaming about?”

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, then looked back up at me. “Oh. I…th-thought I was in Scotland. With Lilly.”

“Nope, afraid not.” I gave her another kiss. “Do you want to go to bed, or nap here?”

“Mmmm.” Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment, then she forced them open again and pushed herself up. “Bed. With you.”

“Well, how can I refuse a sleeping beauty?” I draped an arm across her shoulders and supported her as we lurched off to the bedroom. I managed to get most of the outer layers of her clothing off before verticality was no longer an option for her. I pulled the covers up over her, stripped myself, and crawled into bed with her for a short nap.

 

* * *

 

We were awoken by my alarm going off for my morning run. My first thought was that the alarm clock had malfunctioned, and we had only slept for a couple of hours, but the pressure in my bladder was enough to convince me that, yes, we had indeed slept for over thirteen hours. My mouth tasted like it, too, so when I staggered to the bathroom to relieve myself, I also brushed my teeth. I scowled at myself in the mirror as I realized I had missed my evening medications last night, then I downed my morning doses. I decided it might be prudent to make today my break day from running this week. I didn’t work until the afternoon tomorrow, so I could run tomorrow morning.

My hair, never tidy at the best of times, was truly epic in its messiness. I only gave a token effort at flattening it out before giving up and going back to the bedroom to see if Hanako had managed to fall back to sleep.

She was sitting up on the edge of the bed, eyes only half-opened. She had taken off her shirt, and her bra was unhooked and dangling from her shoulders. She rubbed at the indentations the bra had left in her skin. “Gah. Why d-did you let me s-sleep in my bra?” she grumbled.

“I couldn’t keep you upright long enough to get it off. It was a major achievement just getting your pants and jacket off.”

“Hrmph.” She looked like she wanted to grouse about it more, but couldn’t contradict my statement. She stood up slowly and stretched, bra dropping to the floor.

I was awake enough to appreciate the view, indentations and all. Then I frowned at the marks on her right ribcage, where her scars looked especially irritated. “We should put some lotion on you. We skipped it last night.”

Hanako gently poked at the marks on her scars and nodded, wincing. “Shower first, though,” she said. She ran her tongue over her front teeth and grimaced. “And tooth b-brushing.”

I was once again sorry that our apartment’s tiny shower was too small for two people to shower at once. “You go first, I’ll start on tea and coffee.”

She managed a smile at that. “Bless you.” She stumbled off to the bathroom as I headed to the kitchen to get breakfast started.

An hour later, we were cleaned, lotioned, dressed, and fed, lingering over our cooling beverages as we talked. We hadn’t had much time for conversation in the past week, our every waking moment having been consumed by studying.

“Sugiyama and Masuda are taking time off over spring break, so I’ve picked up a few extra shifts,” I told Hanako. “I’m sorry I won’t get to spend more time with you, but the extra money will be nice. And I did manage to arrange for a four-day weekend at the end of break. We should do something fun.”

Hanako nodded. “I… _think_ I have some extra sh-shifts at the library over break.”

“You think?”

She gave an embarrassed shrug. “I g-got an email about it, but was too focused on studying to p-pay it much mind.”

I felt a moment’s alarm. “I hope you didn’t have a shift this morning.”

She gave me an amused smile. “We woke up in t-time for your morning run. The library opens l-later over break, so it won’t open f-for another two hours.” She stood up and walked over to her backpack to pull out her laptop. “B-but you’re right, I should check.”

We sat and compared our respective work schedules. It seemed like far too often, we had complementary shifts: when she worked mornings, I was working evenings, or vice versa.

“We’ve got…t-two and a half days off t-together in the middle of next week,” observed Hanako.

“Maybe…” I began hesitantly.

“Maybe what?”

“Maybe we could go visit my parents for a day or two?”

“Ah…” Hanako looked uncertain. Although she had met my parents several times over the last couple of years, we had never spent the night at their house together.

“I know it’s not a terribly romantic trip, but Mom has been bugging me for us to visit them.”

“Us? Or y-you?”

“Us,” I said firmly. “She saw just _me_ last month when I went home for her birthday.” Hanako had had a major paper due, and hadn’t been able to accompany me on that trip. “She wants to get to know you better, I think.”

Hanako looked daunted at that. “No p-pressure or anything,” she muttered.

I put an arm across her shoulder and gave her a hug. “They already like you, sweetie. She just wants to spend more time with us, is all.” She still looked dubious, so I added, “They know I love you. They love you just for that, if nothing else.”

She sighed and leaned her head on my shoulder. “Is it…important to you?”

“That my parents know and like the woman I love? Yes. We don’t have to if it’s really uncomfortable, but—”

Hanako waved a hand to cut me off. “Let’s d-do it. M-my nerves aren’t…m-my social an-anxiety, it’s just ‘spending time w-with the p-parents of my b-boyfriend’ nerves.”

“Well, everyone has to deal with those nerves eventually, I suppose.”

Hanako looked down. “Not you,” she said softly.

I mentally kicked myself for the way I’d phrased that.

“S-sorry,” said Hanako. “Th-that was an unfair comparison.”

I shook my head and hugged her tighter. “No, it wasn’t. I…won’t ever be lucky enough to meet your parents, but…I am always grateful to them for giving me such a wonderful daughter. I get to know them through you.”

Hanako smiled. “Thank you,” she whispered.

A sudden inspiration struck me. “If you’d like…we could spend just one night at my parents’, then the next day go to your old home town to visit your parents’ graves.”

Hanako’s head shot up at that, and she stared at me. “If…if you w-wouldn’t mind…”

“I just suggested it. I would be honored to go with you, if you don’t mind.”

“I…haven’t been there since b-before I met you.”

“Then I’d say we’re overdue.” The smile she gave me told me that it had been the right decision.

 

* * *

 

When we got to my parents’ house, I was surprised to find my mother home, despite it being only five o’clock. Normally, she and my father both worked until late in the evening.

When I expressed my surprise while getting a hug, she said, “Well, if you’re only going to be here one night, of course I’m going to be home in time for dinner. Your father should be home soon, too.”

She turned to Hanako and smiled, “And it’s wonderful to see you again, too, dear.” Hanako looked uncertain as my mother wrapped her in a warm hug, but she was smiling shyly when my mother released her.

I gave Hanako a brief tour of the house after we dropped our bag in my old bedroom. She giggled at some of the posters on my bedroom walls. “I never knew you l-liked Digimon so much.”

I rolled my eyes. “Those are pretty old. I just never got around to taking them down.”

It was strange to realize that it was the first time Hanako had visited my parents’ home, the place where I grew up, despite us having lived together for a couple of years. Perhaps what was stranger was the realization that it now was my _parents’_ home, not mine. Despite it only having been just over three years since I’d moved out, it felt a touch alien to me. Constrained, like a hermit crab’s old shell, left behind when I moved on to a larger one.

We ended up in the kitchen, where we helped my mother with preparing dinner. My father arrived just before we were ready to sit down to eat, and he gave me his usual hearty handshake, clapping his other hand on my shoulder. “It’s good to see you, son.”

I smiled. “Good to see you too, Dad.”

He smiled at Hanako, and reached out a hand just as she was tentatively opening her arms for a hug, so he converted his handshake into an awkward hug. They both blushed and pulled apart quickly.

“And it’s, ah, good to see you too, Hanako. It’s been too long.”

“Yes, since l-last summer,” she agreed. “It’s nice to s-see you too, Mr. Nakai.”

I had assured Hanako several times that Dad’s awkwardness around her had nothing to do with her, and everything to do with how socially awkward he was in general. My father worked with computers, not people, and it showed.

Over dinner, my father asked how university was going.

I took a deep breath. I wasn’t sure how this one was going to go. “It’s going well, although I’ve changed majors recently.”

My father looked up from his plate, his gaze on me sharpening. “Oh? To what?”

“Education. I want to be a science teacher.”

Both of my parents were silent for a moment, digesting that. Hanako was watching them both, her expression wary. She knew I’d been nervous about this conversation.

“Teaching…is an honorable profession,” my mother said hesitantly. She was also watching my father.

My father frowned. “But not as remunerative as science.”

I shrugged. “That’s debatable, actually. If I had a physics degree, odds are fairly good I’d end up as a university instructor anyway.”

“So why not pursue a physics degree?” my father asked. “It would leave your options open to do both.”

“Because I want to teach younger students. High school level.”

My father glanced at my mother, then sighed. “It can be good to…follow your dreams. But it’s also good to have a viable career lined up when you graduate.”

“Science teacher is actually a very viable career. There’s an overabundance of general ed and humanities teachers, but there’s a shortage of math and sciences teachers.”

“And Hisao is v-very good at it,” Hanako put in. “His tutoring g-greatly improved both my and L-lilly’s science scores in the university entrance exams. As well as a f-few other of our classmates’.”

My mother smiled. “I’m glad you have a talent for it.”

“A talent for it, and…” I hesitated a moment. “Maybe saying I have a ‘passion’ for it is overstating it, but—I truly do enjoy it. It is rewarding, to help someone else understand how the world works. And Lilly has offered to help me with any of the education classes I have problems with, so I’m pretty sure I can finish the degree without needing any additional semesters.”

My father blew out a breath. “That’s good, because your education fund isn’t going to last beyond the usual four years.” My parents had saved for years to make sure I had an education, but a not insignificant chunk of that savings had gone to paying for my time at Yamaku before I even started university.

I nodded. “Then I’ll make certain to finish it before then.”

My father shook his head. “Well, I think you’re making a mistake, but it sounds like you’ve thought about it. And it is your life.” His mouth twitched in smile. “But there goes my dream of one day introducing you to people as my son, the Nobel-prize winning physicist.”

The rest of us laughed. I was glad he hadn’t taken a harder stance against my choice. Fortunately, due to years of my essentially raising myself, my parents were used to letting me set my own course.

After dinner, we retired to the living room to talk some more. We filled them in on what we’d been doing—just studying and working in my case, I felt fairly boring—and also what Lilly had been up to. Hanako noticed the chess set on a shelf, and challenged me to a game.

As we played out our game—meaning, I was trying to lose with as much dignity as possible—my mother raised the issue of baths. “Hanako, since you’re our guest, you can have the first turn at the bath.”

Hanako looked up from the chess board and smiled. “Th-thank you, Mrs. Nakai. I’ll b-be done beating Hisao in j-just three moves.”

“What!” I exclaimed, scanning the board as my parents laughed. “No, I can—uh—that is…” I trailed off as I examined the board, realizing I’d allowed myself to get pinned by her knight and bishop. I sighed and tipped over my king, conceding defeat rather than draw out my ignominy in front of my parents. I glanced sideways at my parents, and shook my head subtly at Hanako. I didn’t want to engage in our usual post-match kiss in front of them. She just nodded and stood up to head to the bathroom.

“Thank you for the g-game,” she said, smiling sweetly.

“Any time,” I replied with a wry smile.

After she left, I said to my parents, “Whichever one of you takes a bath next, you’ll need to warm up the water.”

“She doesn’t like a nice hot bath?” asked my father.

I shook my head. “She can’t tolerate high temperatures because of her scars. Scar tissue doesn’t sweat, and her body’s internal thermostat is a little wonky. She overheats easily.”

My mother glanced down the hall, as if making sure the bathroom door was closed, then quietly asked, “The scarring covers that much of her body?”

Really, my parents had been remarkably restrained about asking personal questions about Hanako’s injuries since they’d met her. All they’d seen of her scars over the years were her hand, neck, and face. But I’d opened the door to questions with my remarks, so I felt obliged to answer.

“The scars run all down the whole right side of her body, face to ankles.”

My mother gasped. “That poor girl. I had hoped that her clothes had protected the rest of her body when she was injured.”

“No. The only thing that protected her was her mother’s body. But she couldn’t completely cover Hanako, and her right side was burned.” We had told my parents that Hanako’s parents had died in the fire that scarred her, but not that particular detail. My mother’s eyes went wide, and my father looked very somber.

“The scars will never disappear entirely, but they _are_ fading. And she does stretching exercises and applies lotions to keep the skin supple. Her range of motion is better now than it was when I first met her.” Part of that being due to me reminding her to do those exercises, which she had only done sporadically in the past, but I didn’t need to tell them that.

“I see,” said my mother. She shook her head slowly. “You are very kind to put up—”

I cut her off sharply before she could finish that sentence. “ _No_. I am not ‘kind,’ Mom. I don’t ‘put up’ with anything. I love her for herself. _All_ of her. Charity or pity has nothing to do with it.” I glared at her, probably the sternest look I’d ever given her. “I love her. It’s as simple as that. She’s not defined by her scars, any more than I’m defined by my bad heart.”

My mother at least had the grace to look embarrassed. “No, of course not. I’m sorry.” She bobbed her head in a small bow of apology.

I took a deep breath to calm down, then nodded back. “Thank you.”

“Well, the fire obviously didn’t affect her brain,” said my father, trying to cut the tension. “Not if she can beat you so handily at chess.”

I chuckled, and shook my head. “It’s been almost four months since I’ve beaten her. But I’ll do it again, someday.”

“You hope.”

I gave my father a mock scowl. “Whose side are you on? What about your own flesh-and-blood?”

“I’m siding with the smart and pretty young woman who my flesh-and-blood is so smitten with, in this case,” said my father with a smile.

We all shared a laugh at that. _Smitten_. Yeah, that was a good word for me.

 

* * *

 

When I returned to the living room after my own bath, my mother gestured toward a pile of linens on the coffee table.

“Hisao, I’ve got sheets and a blanket for you, you can make up a bed for yourself on the couch,” said my mother.

“On the couch?” I stared at her blankly.

“Well, you certainly weren’t planning on making Hanako sleep on the couch, were you? She’s a guest. She can have your old bed.”

“Mom…you _do_ know that we usually, ah, sleep together?”

“Hmpf. What you do at your place is your concern,” she said, echoing my own comment to Lilly of a while back. “But there will be no hanky-panky while you’re under my roof.” I heard Hanako choke back a giggle at that.

I felt my face going red, but I managed to squeak out, “Trust me, we hadn’t planned on _any_ ‘hanky-panky’ while we were here. Not with you in the next room.”

Mom managed to work up a blush at that herself, but she determinedly said, “Nonetheless. You can sleep together here once you’re married. Not before.”

“ _Mother!”_ I briefly contemplated clutching dramatically at my heart, but I didn’t want to panic her. Hanako would recognize it as a joke, but I wasn’t sure my parents would.

“What, you can talk with your mother about hanky-panky, but talk about marriage is off-limits? I want grandchildren someday, Hisao. I’m not getting any younger, and she’s a fine young woman.” She gave Hanako an approving smile.

I could come up with absolutely nothing to say in response to that, so I just stared at her, face red, my mouth hanging open. Hanako sounded like she was going to choke, she was biting back her laughter so hard. My father looked like he was struggling to look serious, but he too was making suspicious noises.

I snatched up the linens and started to shake out a sheet. “Fine,” I muttered, just wanting this conversation to be over.

As my parents brushed their teeth and got ready for bed, Hanako helped me make up my sofa. When we were done, we cuddled together for a while, waiting for the bathroom to become available. I was partially reclining, and Hanako was lying beside me, head on my chest. Her favorite position for listening to my heart. I stroked her lovely long hair and relaxed into the comfort of her presence. _Tried_ to relax, anyway. My mother had brought up a perturbing subject.

I hesitantly cleared my throat. “You know…” Then I got stuck for words again.

After a few moments, Hanako looked up at me. “What?”

“I’m…sorry about how… _direct_ my mother was.”

Hanako chuckled. “I wasn’t p-planning on any hanky-panky t-tonight either.”

I shook my head. “No. Not just that. I mean…my reaction. I don’t want you to get the idea that I’m against the notion of our ever…of us…getting married.”

I felt Hanako stiffen, and her hand, which had been idly stroking my arm, stilled.

When she didn’t say anything in response, I went on, a little desperately, “I mean, I’m in _favor_ of it. Someday. If you still haven’t come to your senses and married Lilly instead. And I’m still alive. When we’ve graduated. Or whenever. But only if _you_ want to, of course. I mean—”

She cut me off by kissing me. A remarkably effective tactic. It wasn’t a simple kiss, either; it went on for a nice long time. When she pulled away from me, my heart wasn’t galloping from nervousness any more, but it wasn’t beating any slower.

“Yes,” she whispered. A soft voice, but not shy, full of quiet promise and desire. Hinting at possible futures together.

That single word made me so happy, I found myself laughing out loud as I squeezed her tight.

“I love you, Hana.”

“And I love you, Hisao.”

I kissed her, and was happy to see that her smile was just as broad as mine, her eyes bright and loving.

My father cleared his throat from the doorway. “Ah, the bathroom is available. For the next person.”

We broke apart guiltily and glanced toward the hallway door, but all I saw was my father’s swiftly retreating back. Hanako giggled nervously. “I th-think I’m glad that was your f-father, and not your mother.”

“Oh, yes,” I agreed.

We brushed our teeth, and I tucked her into my old bed. She gave me a sidelong look as I sat on the edge of the bed beside her, and said, “So what was th-that you said about m-me marrying Lilly?”

“Oh.” I blushed. “I don’t know. That just…popped out of nowhere. I was nervous. Babbling.”

“Hm. Well, if _she_ p-proposes to me before _you_ g-get around to it—”

I cut her off with a kiss, and she chuckled.

“Good night, my love.”

“Good night.”

I retired to my couch bed. I couldn’t really complain that it was uncomfortable—I had spent many hours asleep on it in my youth—the only problem with it was that it was _lonely_. I was glad we were only staying the one night. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

My mother packed us a couple of bentos to take with us on the train, even though the trip was barely two hours long. At least it would save us from having to buy lunch, which was nice. We hugged both of my parents good bye early in the morning before they headed off to work, and a while later we headed to the train station.

When we arrived at Hanako’s home town, we checked into the small hotel I’d found listed on-line. Affordable, clean, but a bit run-down and shabby. Perfect for college students on a budget. We left our bags and set out for the cemetery, getting directions on which bus to take from the desk clerk There was an Aura Mart by the bus stop, and Hanako went in and bought a large assortment of flowers, as well a small scrub brush and some paper towels with which to clean the tombstones.

Once we got to the cemetery where Hanako’s parents were buried, it took us a while to find their markers. “It’s been over f-five years since I was here last,” she said defensively. “I… _think_ they w-were near a stand of bamboo.” The only problem being, there were many such stands in the cemetery.

We wandered for a while, systematically working our way up and down the long lines of stones. I passed a marker for someone named Hisashi Nakai, and shuddered. That was too close to home. At least he had lived to a ripe old age of seventy-seven. Maybe I could take that as a good omen. I doubted we were at all related, but I paused and gave him a brief bow, just in case. As I continued searching, I tried not to think about how soon _I_ might be residing in a place like this. Then another marker caught my eye.

“Hanako?” I called. “I think I’ve found—oh. Never mind.” I’d found a pair of markers with the name Ikezawa, but the dates were wrong, much too old to be Hanako’s parents. But Hanako came over to me, drawn by my call, and she stopped and drew in a sharp breath. I turned to her, and she was standing at the plot next to me. Another pair markers engraved Ikezawa, these the right ones.

Hanako stared at her parents’ graves for a long moment, then tore her attention away and looked at me and where I was standing. “Oh. Yes. M-my grandparents. I b-barely remember them, th-they died when I was very young.”

“Ah. Well, now it’s a good thing we bought so many flowers. We can spruce up their graves, too.”

Hanako nodded. “Yes. Th-that would be good.”

Apparently Hanako’s parents had pre-purchased their plots and stones, because they were fairly nice ones. I was surprised to see how tidy they looked. The cemetery grounds keepers did a nice job of keeping everything generally neat, but it seemed to me that someone had paid some personal attention to the grave sometime in the last few months. It was much neater than the grandparents’ grave, and did not have five years worth of moss or dirt on it.

After we had tidied both pairs of graves and placed fresh flowers on them, Hanako and I knelt in front of her parents’ stones. I bent forward at the waist and bowed deeply. “Mr. and Mrs. Ikezawa. We’ve never met, but I shall be grateful to you every day of my life for giving Hanako her life. Not only once, as most parents do, but twice. I want you to know that your great sacrifice has been rewarded, for she has grown up to be a wonderful, strong woman, with a kind and generous heart. I promise I shall always do my best to care for her, just as she cares for me.” I paused for a moment, trying to think of what else to say, then simply added, “Thank you.”

As I sat back up, I looked over to see Hanako looking at me with a gentle smile on her face and brightly shining eyes. “Thank _you_ ,” she said quietly. Then she wiped at her eyes, and also bowed.

“Mama. Papa. I love you and miss you. But I want you to know that I’m finally happy, now. And although I’ll always wish you were with me, I am grateful to you for your sacrifice, for giving me my life. Twice. For giving me a chance to meet Hisao, and Lilly. For giving me a chance to live. And love. Thank you.”

As she sat back up, my cheeks were wet, too. I put my arm across her shoulders, she slipped an arm around my waist, and we knelt there for a while, just being there.

 

* * *

 

Eventually, I stood up, my knees protesting a little at kneeling for so long, and I gave Hanako a hand in getting up too. I put an arm across her shoulders as we continued to regard the grave.

“Did you know the Ikezawas?” came a voice behind us.

Hanako flinched slightly, and we turned around to see a slim older woman, her short black hair shot with silver, regarding us with a friendly, curious smile. Her smile disappeared and her eyes went wide when she saw Hanako, and I felt Hanako tense under my arm in anticipation of the stares and pity her scars sometimes engendered. But the woman’s next word put that worry to rest immediately.

“Hana?”

Hanako froze entirely for a long moment, staring at the woman, then she stammered out incredulously, “M-mrs. M-matsumoto?”

“Oh, Hana, it _is_ you! I’d recognize that beautiful face anywhere.” Mrs. Matsumoto beamed at her. “Good heavens, how you’ve grown.”

Hanako swayed slightly under my arm, and I gave her a worried look. “Do you need to sit down, Hanako?”

“Yes, I th-think I’d b-better,” said Hanako faintly, and she plopped down on the ground, looking stunned. She stared up at Mrs. Matsumoto.

Mrs. Matsumoto frowned, looking worried. “Are you all right, dear?” She crouched down beside Hanako, and rested a concerned hand on Hanako’s knee. I joined her, kneeling beside the two of them.

Hanako nodded mutely, just staring at Mrs. Matsumoto. Since it didn’t seem I could count on Hanako to make introductions just now, I bent forward in a brief bow and said, “I am Hisao Nakai, Hanako’s boyfriend.”

Mrs. Matsumoto took her attention from Hanako, and nodded to me. “I’m Mrs. Matsumoto. I lived next door to the Ikezawas for years. Until that dreadful fire.” She turned her attention back to Hanako. “I never could find out what happened to you, after. Because I wasn’t family, they wouldn’t tell me where you were sent.”

“Oh. I…I spent most of n-n-nine months in the h-hospital. Before b-being sent to an, an orphanage.”

“An orphanage? You had no other family to take you in?”

Hanako just shook her head mutely, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She sat up straighter, and gave Mrs. Matsumoto a hesitant smile. “Y-you used to b-babysit me. I remember p-playing with y-your cat…Momo?”

“Why, yes, dear old Momo. She died long ago, but I still have one of her kittens—now an old cat himself—named Reo.”

This exchange of commonplace memories seemed to steady Hanako, and she stood up. “I’m s-sorry for my behavior.” She bowed to Mrs. Matsumoto. “I was j-just surprised t-to see someone…I knew. From before.”

Mrs. Matsumoto smiled as she rose to her feet too. “That’s quite all right dear.”

“Do we have you to thank for the care of the Ikezawas’ graves?” I guessed.

Mrs. Matsumoto nodded. “I come here regularly to visit my husband’s grave. It seemed a shame that no one was taking care of their grave, so I clean it up a little when I have the time.”

“Th-thank you. Very much,” said Hanako, bowing again, deeper this time. “I ap-preciate your care and c-concern.” She glanced guiltily at her parents’ graves and explained, “I’ve been at s-school, too far away t-to visit regularly.” Then she frowned. “When did Mr. Matsumoto p-pass away?”

“Almost five years ago. Of karōshi.” Her smile faded. “He worked so hard to provide for me and the boys, and he never got to enjoy the fruits of his labors.”

The notion of working oneself to death, usually by heart attack, sobered me. There was more than one way my heart might betray me, if I wasn’t careful. Apparently Hanako had similar thoughts, because she took my hand in hers and squeezed it.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” I said, and Hanako murmured the same.

Mrs. Matsumoto shook off her brief gloom. “Thank you, dears, but it was a while ago, and I’m used to it by now. At least he had enough foresight to invest wisely, so that I might continue my work as an artist.” She smiled. “It is rewarding work, but more so emotionally than fiscally.”

“What kind of art do you do?” I asked, thinking of Rin.

She put her hand behind her and pulled a fancy camera on a shoulder strap around to the front of her body. I had assumed the strap over her shoulder was for a purse. “I’m a photographer.”

“Th-that’s right. I re-remember you let me watch you d-develop photos in your d-darkroom a few times.” Hanako smiled. “It seemed like m-magic, the way the pictures b-blossomed on the page.”

“Hah. Blossomed on the page. I like that,” said Mrs. Matsumoto. “Alas, these days, I’ve given in to the march of progress, and I work digitally. A different kind of magic. Though I do miss the darkroom, now and again. Seeing peoples’ faces peering up at me as they ‘blossomed.’ ”

Hanako’s hand suddenly clenched my hand tighter. I glanced at her, and she had gone pale. “Mrs. Matsumoto. D-do you think…might you have…any old pictures of…my p-parents?”

“Oh, yes, I'm certain I do somewhere. And of you. From neighborhood parties, or festivals.” She noticed Hanako’s stunned stare, and asked “Would you like to see them, dear?”

 

* * *

 

Perhaps fortunately, Mrs. Matsumoto had moved to an apartment shortly after Mr. Matsumoto’s death. I’m not sure how Hanako would have reacted to visiting her childhood neighborhood, even though her family home had, of course, been replaced by a newer structure. But the prospect of finally having some decent photos of her parents was probably shock enough for one day.

“This may take a few minutes. When I moved into a smaller place, I had to compact a lot of storage. My formerly tidy archive files are now packed into stacks of boxes.” She led us to what would probably have been a second bedroom for most people, revealing a room lined with shelves on two walls, stacked high with boxes. The third wall held a large window and filing cabinets, and the fourth wall was taken up by a large desk with a computer system and three huge monitors.

The boxes were all neatly labeled and dated, and I noticed that they were all marked “Archival and Acid-Free.” If these orderly ranks of boxes were her archives in disarray, I could only imagine what they had been like in her previous residence.

“I may miss the darkroom at times, but I must admit that storage, search, and retrieval are much easier in the digital age. Provided that I label and tag everything properly. Now, let’s see, your family moved here just after you were born, so we should start looking around twenty years ago.” She scanned the labels on the boxes, then nodded.

“Young man, would you be so kind as to bring down that box up there?”

I reached overhead and pulled down the indicated box. I was surprised at how heavy it was. I set it on the desk where she indicated, and she folded back the top lid. Hanako just stood silently by, staring intently at Mrs. Matsumoto.

The box was filled with a mixture of photos and plastic sheets, which I realized were filled with rows of negatives. Tabbed cardboard dividers organized everything. Mrs. Matsumoto pulled out a stack of black and white photos from the front of the box, each page covered with many tiny pictures.

Noticing my puzzled look, Mrs. Matsumoto explained, “These are contact sheets, a single roll of film printed on a single page. A way to index what’s in the box.” She flipped through the pages rapidly, too quickly for me to get more than a general impression of what she was looking at. Most of the photos seemed to be of people. “No, not this box.” She returned the contact sheets to the box and closed it. “If you would replace this and take the next box below it down?”

It took five boxes before Mrs. Matsumoto paused in her quick flipping through the contact sheets to examine something closer. The images were so small, I was amazed she could make out any details at all, but I supposed it was partly a matter of experience. “Ah. Yes. That’s right,” she murmured. She replaced the contact sheets and began to flip through the rest of the box, referring to the index tabs with dates and notations written on them. She at last pulled out a single photo, glanced at it and nodded. “Here you go, dear. This was shortly after you all moved in next door.”

She handed the photo to Hanako, and I moved beside her. I watched her face instead of looking at the photo, alert for any sign of impending breakdown. She stared hard at the photo for several seconds, and then she slowly smiled as her eyes filled with tears. “Papa. Mama,” she whispered.

I shifted so I could look over her shoulder. I had always assumed that Hanako’s mother would look like an older Hanako, and her father like a typical salaryman. But as it turned out, Hanako favored her father. He was a tall slim man, with long hair tied in a tight braid. The braid was clenched tight in the chubby hand of baby Hanako. Her mother was a full head shorter than Mr. Ikezawa, and round of features. They both looked a touch tired, as the parents of a baby might, but also happy.

Hanako wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her wrist. “I d-don’t remember Papa having l-long hair.”

“He cut it off shortly after this photo was taken. Part of trying to look more ‘respectable,’ I think.” Mrs. Matsumoto sighed. “The sacrifices we make for our careers. It was lovely hair.”

Hanako looked up at Mrs. Matsumoto. “Could I m-make a copy of this?”

“You can have it, dear. I still have the negative, after all.”

Hanako stared at Mrs. Matsumoto like she’d just given her a million yen. “Th- _thank_ you,” she whispered, her voice thick with unshed tears, and she bowed deep.

Mrs. Matsumoto looked puzzled at this reaction. “You’re welcome, Hana.”

As Hanako straightened up, it looked like she wasn’t going to be capable of speech for a few moments, so I explained, “All of her family photos were destroyed in the fire. The only pictures she has of them are a couple of blurry newspaper photos from their obituaries.” Looking at the photo in Hanako’s hand, I would never have recognized her parents from those grainy old newspaper photos.

Mrs. Matsumoto looked shocked. “Oh, my poor dear.” She glanced around the room. “If there’s one thing I have in abundance, it’s photographs. Let us see if we can’t find you some more.”

 

* * *

 

After a half hour of searching, Mrs. Matsumoto had found another two photos, and an additional dozen or so images on contact sheets that she hadn’t printed. Hanako and I peered at the tiny pictures, but the faces were so small on some of them that I wondered how Mrs. Matsumoto could be certain who they were.

The first photo was taken at some sort of festival, and Hanako’s parents were sitting on a blanket in front of a tree. Her father had short hair. Six year old Hanako was little more than a motion blur in front of her parents, as they laughed at her racing past them.

“You never walked when you could run. Unless you were stopped to ask an adult innumerable questions, you were running.” I had a hard time imagining such a thing, but Hanako looked wistful as if she were remembering running like that. Running like Emi, the fastest thing on no legs.

The second photo wasn’t of Hanako’s parents, but of Hanako at around age seven, cuddling Momo. It was odd to see her without scars, looking joyous and carefree. Innocent. Momo looked like she was tolerating being adored, just barely.

“You were adorable,” I said. Hanako shook her head, but she was smiling.

“I’m just s-sorry that Lilly won’t be able to s-see these pictures,” Hanako said. I nodded in agreement.

“Who’s Lilly, and why won’t she?” asked Mrs. Matsumoto.

“She’s our b-best friend, and roommate. But she c-can’t see the photographs b-because she’s blind.”

“Oh.” Mrs. Matsumoto shuddered. “I must confess, of all the possible injuries or disabilities in the world, blindness scares me the most.”

“Well, you’re a visual artist. That only makes sense,” I said.

“Lilly has been b-blind since birth, so…I can’t say she doesn’t _miss_ sight, exactly, b-but…she’s used to it.”

“How did you meet?”

“We m-met at Yamaku, a high school for students with v-various physical disabilities. We were all s-students there, and met there.”

“Yes, I’ve heard of it.” She shot me a curious look. “You were a student there also?” Unspoken was the obvious question.

I tapped my chest. “I have a defective heart, an arrhythmia.”

“Ah. I’m sorry for prying, that was impolite.”

I shrugged. “It’s only natural curiosity. I’m not offended.”

Mrs. Matsumoto turned to the stack of contact sheets she had accumulated as we looked for photos. “For these images on the contact sheets, I just need to scan the negatives, then I can print them out for you. They won’t be archival quality prints, but they’ll be good enough for memories.”

“Would it be possible to have—could we buy”—I was keenly aware that she was a professional photographer—“the digital files after you scan them? Then we could get them printed more permanently.”

Mrs. Matsumoto waved aside any question of payment. “Good heavens, you have no pictures of your family. I couldn’t charge you for these. Besides, most of these photos are more of the nature of snapshots, not professional work that I would ever exhibit or sell.”

I didn’t know enough about photography to be able to articulate what it was that made her photos look different from standard family snapshots, but something about the composition and lighting made it clear that they had been taken by a professional, despite the casual subject matter.

Mrs. Matsumoto offered us tea, and we adjourned to the living room. She refused our offer of assistance, and as she worked on preparing the tea, we wandered around her living room, looking at the photos on the walls. Reo, Momo’s “kitten”, woke from his slumber in a sunbeam and weaved around our ankles as we walked around the room.

The photos on the walls were mostly black and white images, and most of them were of people. Not formal portraits, but more in the nature of candid images, from all over the world, by the looks of it. There were a couple of more formal looking portraits, including one by a small shrine, bordered in black, that I assumed was Mr. Matsumoto. He had been a handsome man, but even smiling in the picture, he looked tired. Or maybe I was just projecting, from what I knew of his death.

Mrs. Matsumoto brought out a tray with tea and cookies on it, and we sat down to drink. Reo immediately jumped into Hanako’s lap, and Hanako laughed. “Hello, h-handsome. You d-don’t look much like your mother.” She scratched his ears, and he rewarded her with a loud purr.

Mrs. Matsumoto smiled. “No, he’s definitely his father’s son. But he’s a good boy.” She poured the tea, and we spent a couple of minutes just drinking. Hanako and I told Mrs. Matsumoto about what we were doing in University, our studies and plans. Hanako in journalism, myself and Lilly in education.

After we finished our first cup of tea, Mrs. Matsumoto began to talk about her memories of her neighbors, the Ikezawas. Hanako sat petting Reo and she drank in every word, nodding from time to time as if something that Mrs. Matsumoto said sparked a memory in her. Listening to Mrs. Matsumoto, the impression I got of young Hanako was of a sweet, slightly spoiled, energetic little girl, who was always curious and asking questions.

After we’d finished two cups of tea, Mrs. Matsumoto glanced at her watch, and said, “I’m afraid I don’t have time today to scan and print all the negatives we found, but we can do at least one. I’ll scan the rest later this week and send you the files.”

“We d-don’t w-want to be a b-bother,” Hanako said. “We can wait and g-get them all at once.”

Mrs. Matsumoto smiled. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t actually have the time.” We went back to her studio office. She picked up the handful of contact sheets she’d found and held them out to Hanako. “Do you have one in particular you think you’d like to have right away?”

Hanako looked through the pages, peering closely at the tiny images, then said, “Th-this one, please.”

Mrs. Matsumoto looked at the frame Hanako was pointing at, and nodded. “Yes, that’s a nice one of the three of you.” She went to the box the contact sheet had come from, and pulled out a page of negatives. She pulled a pair of white cotton gloves out of a drawer by her computer, and put them on before pulling the proper strip of negatives out of its protective sleeve.

She mounted the negative in her scanner with the ease of long practice, and opened a scanning program. I had no idea what all the multitudinous on-screen controls did, but Mrs. Matsumoto made short work of scanning the negative, giving us a preview of the image to come.

Hanako and I stood by the printer, and watched as the photo slowly emerged. When the page finally dropped into the paper tray, Hanako carefully picked it up and looked at it more closely, smiling gently. I put an arm around her as I looked at it too.

The picture showed Hanako and her parents sitting on a couch, Hanako on her mother’s lap. It looked like Hanako and her mother were talking to each other, and her father was watching them, a loving smile on his face. I glanced at Hanako, to see her reaction to the photo. She looked happy. Which made me happy.

I heard a soft _click_ , and looked up to see Mrs. Matsumoto with her camera pointed at us. “I hope you don’t mind, but you looked so beautiful, smiling at that photograph.”

Hanako put a hand up to cover her facial scars, an old gesture that she had mostly stopped doing. We had been standing with our right sides towards Mrs. Matsumoto, and Hanako’s scars had surely been visible. “I d-don’t usually l-like having my p-picture taken,” she said, sounding apologetic.

“Because of your scars?” Mrs. Matsumoto asked bluntly. Hanako grimaced and nodded. “But you’re a beautiful young woman. Those scars can’t change that.”

“That’s what I keep telling her.”

Hanako frowned. “You’re d-different. You l-love me.”

Mrs. Matsumoto held up a hand. “I’ll tell you what. Let me load this picture up on the computer, and we’ll look at it together. If you don’t like it, I’ll delete it. But I’m hoping you won’t ask me to do that.”

“I suspect I’ll want a copy of it,” I said. I didn’t have many photos of Hanako, a fact that I sometimes regretted.

Hanako grimaced again, then nodded reluctantly. “Okay.”

“Don’t make any snap decisions just yet,” Mrs. Matsumoto said as the image first appeared on the screen. “Let me tweak this a bit, first.” Hanako frowned and made a quiet pained sound at seeing herself on screen, but she refrained from comment.

Watching Mrs. Matsumoto process the image was a bit like watching Rin paint. The image as uploaded from the camera was in color, but most of Mrs. Matsumoto’s work that I’d seen had been in black and white. She pulled up some dialog boxes that changed the colors of our image to ridiculously garish colors, then she did something else that converted it to black and white. The garish colors vanished, and a startlingly vivid portrait remained. Something about the way she’d adjusted it minimized Hanako’s scars. They weren’t gone, but they weren’t as prominent or obvious as they had been in color. Without their reddish color to give them contrast to undamaged skin, they just looked like slightly darker textured skin.

Hanako’s smile was warm and loving as she stared at the photo in her hand, and I was surprised to see that I was looking at her in much the same way. Mrs. Matsumoto rotated the image a couple of degrees, straightening it out, then cropped the picture in closer to us, getting rid of a lot of the distracting background. She did a few more mysterious things which slowly turned the image from a quick snapshot to a professional portrait.

Mrs. Matsumoto clicked one final button, and the editing program toolbars vanished, leaving just the picture of the two of us taking up the whole center monitor. “There. It’s not exactly finished, but I don’t have time to do a full edit just now.” She smiled at the image. “A portrait of young love.”

“That’s amazing,” I said. “I don’t think either of us has ever looked so good.” I glanced at Hanako. “Do you like it, too?”

She was biting her lip as she stared at the screen. “I…” She blushed. “I l-like the way _you_ look. Are looking. At m-me.”

“And I love the way _you_ look.”

Hanako gave a minuscule nod and continued to just stare at the monitor. “D-do I r-really look…like that?”

I put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her for a moment. “If anything, you’re more beautiful. But it’s the best photo of you I’ve ever seen.”

That earned me an eye roll and a small smile. “Flatterer.”

“No. He’s not,” said Mrs. Matsumoto firmly. She smiled at us. “Hana. I knew you as a young child, and you were beautiful then, and you are beautiful now. Your life has marked and changed you, but that beauty remains. I’m sure your parents, wherever they are, are proud of the young woman you’ve become.”

Hanako closed her eyes took a deep breath. She opened them and smiled shyly at Mrs. Matsumoto. “Thank you.”

I wasn’t sure what Hanako was thanking her for—the photo, or her comments, or both, but Mrs. Matsumoto just nodded back and said, “You’re welcome.” She gestured toward the monitor. “So, does it meet with your approval? May I keep it?”

Hanako glanced at the photograph again, then nodded. “Yes. But p-please…could I— _we_ —have a c-copy, too?”

“I was planning on it. I want to edit it more, when I have the time, but I’ll send you a copy of it with the scans of the other images in a week or so.”

Thus reminded of her earlier comment about needing to be somewhere else soon, Hanako and I made our farewells. I wrote out all of our contact information for her, and we thanked her profusely for all she’d done for us before we left.

As we walked away from Mrs. Matsumoto’s apartment building toward the bus stop, I said, “I never imagined our trip here would be so fruitful.”

Hanako nodded in agreement. She looked tired—the day had undoubtedly been emotionally draining, in many ways—but she also looked relaxed and happy. She hugged the envelope containing the four photos we had been given, and smiled.

 

* * *

 

Less than a week later, Mrs. Matsumoto proved good to her word, and we received a large package in the mail from her. In addition to the dozen images we’d seen in miniature before, Mrs. Matsumoto had found another half dozen images of Hanako’s parents. She’d sent a CD with digital files, and prints of them all. Most were 6P-sized, about the size of a piece of notebook paper, but one was larger: the picture of the two of us. I couldn’t tell what additional edits Mrs. Matsumoto had applied to the image, but it was a stunning image of Hanako. And, I had to concede, it made me look pretty good, too.

Hanako kept flipping through the photos, stopping now and then to examine some detail, until finally she stopped and spread them out all over our living room table so she could see them all at once.

“It’s…an emb-barrassment of riches,” she said, sounding a bit overwhelmed. “I f-feel like I’m…meeting my parents all over again.”

“And I’m grateful for this picture into your past,” I said. Most of the photos had young Hanako in them somewhere, too.

“B-back when I was st-still pretty.”

I cleared my throat sharply and glowered reprovingly at that self-deprecation. “You were _cute_ back then. You’re _beautiful_ now.”

Hanako sighed, and leaned against me. I wrapped an arm around her and we stood beside the table, looking down at her past spread out before us. “I know y-you love me as I am,” she said quietly. “B-but I can’t help but w-wonder sometimes, what if…”

I kissed her cheek, and tried to find a way to express what I felt to her. “If there’d never been a fire, you’d never have come to Yamaku, I never would have met you. If that meant you’d still have your parents, well…that would be a worthwhile trade-off, because I want you to be happy. But…” I trailed off, uncertain of how to express how glad I was to have met her without making it sound like I was glad her parents had died.

She smiled at me. “I kn-know what you m-mean. I’m so grateful to have you in my life. I c-can’t honestly say for certain that I wouldn’t trade you and Lilly for my p-parents, but…since that isn’t _really_ an option, I’m g-glad I found you and her.”

“Yes. My heart attack sucked, but you and she are the best things to come out of it.”

Hanako nodded. “No more what-ifs. Th-things are what they are, and I’m so l-lucky to have you both in my life.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

I stared at the scattered array of photos. “We need to buy some picture frames, so we can hang these up.”

“That’s a l-lot of frames.”

“Maybe we can find something at the hundred yen shop? They wouldn’t be pretty, but they’d at least protect the photos until we could afford something better.”

“Th-that could work. We also n-need to send Mrs. Matsumoto a th-thank you gift.”

I felt momentarily overwhelmed, imagining what almost two dozen large prints from a professional photographer would have cost. Traditionally, one would have sent a thank-you present of approximately a third of the value of _her_ gift, but I wasn’t sure we could afford that.

Hanako looked at my dismayed expression, and said, “She knows w-we’re college students. It d-doesn’t have to be extravagant. Just nice.”

I reluctantly nodded. “I hope so. Maybe we can ask Lilly for a suggestion. She always has impeccable taste.”

“Yes. I can’t wait t-to see her again.”

“Me neither.”

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Lilly returned the Monday a week before the new school year began, “So I’ll have time to recover from the jet-lag,” she said. I wasn’t able to meet her at the airport because of work, but Hanako did.

I hadn't been fully aware of how much I'd missed Lilly until I got home from work to find her and Hanako sitting at the table drinking tea together. Something inside me relaxed at the sight. The apartment felt more like _home_ now than it had just that morning.

Lilly got to her feet, then swayed slightly on the spot. I stepped forward hastily to take her arm, and she gave an embarrassed laugh. “Sorry. The jet-lag always hits me pretty hard.” She gave me a hug.

“It’s wonderful to see you again,” I said, hugging her back. “Welcome home.”

“It’s wonderful to be back.”

“But why are you still awake if you’re so jet lagged?”

“I’m trying to stay up until at least nine o’clock to try and get back into this time zone again. And also, I wanted to see you before I slept.”

“Well, sit back down before you fall asleep on your feet,” I said, letting go of her. She smiled and complied.

“Have you told Lilly about Mrs. Matsumoto and the pictures yet?” I asked Hanako as I sat down next to her.

“We were j-just talking about them.”

“It sounds as if it were a very rewarding trip,” Lilly said. “Sometime when I’m more awake, I’d like to go through the photos with you, have you describe them in more detail for me. Tell me what memories they evoke.”

“Yes. I’d l-like that too.”

“Did you mention the photo of us?” I asked.

“No.”

“Of you?” asked Lilly curiously.

I glanced at Hanako, but she didn’t look like she wanted to describe it, so I said, “Mrs. Matsumoto took a picture of the two of us while we were looking at one of the photos of Hanako’s parents. It’s one of the best pictures of Hanako I’ve ever seen.”

“And it’s a w-wonderful picture of you, too.”

I shrugged, “Yeah, I look okay, too.”

“More than okay. The way you’re looking at m-me…so lovingly.” Hanako gave me a loving smile herself. “I love that part of the p-picture the most.”

Lilly smiled at us. “I rarely waste time regretting not being able to see things, but I do wish I could see that.”

“J-just imagine Hisao smiling at me…the way you’re smiling at us right now,” Hanako said.

“Oh! Ah…” Lilly’s smile faltered, and she looked—sheepish?—for just a moment. Then her smile returned, and she said, “I’m sure it’s quite lovely.”

We chatted for about another half hour. Lilly also giggled mightily at my mother’s sleeping arrangements, and the comments pertaining thereto. We tried to ask her about Scotland, but, aside from a few remarks about some day trips she took with Akira, she didn’t have much to say and kept turning the conversation back to Hanako and me.

Eventually she conceded she couldn’t keep awake any longer, and headed off to bed. “Well, at least I made it to eight thirty,” she said wryly.

Hanako and I stayed up and read for another couple of hours before turning in ourselves.

“It’s n-nice to have Lilly back,” said Hanako, as we curled up together in bed.

I nodded. “It makes the apartment feel more like home, having us all here.”

“Well, home is w-where the heart is,” she quoted.

“Yeah. ‘My home is not a place, it is people.’ ”

“Is that a quote?”

“Yeah. From a book called _Barrayar_. I think you might like it. Even though it’s SF, it also has a bit of romance.”

“Maybe I’ll ch-check it out.”

I thought a bit about what that quote meant as I drifted off to sleep. What _did_ it mean, that my home felt like Hanako _and_ Lilly?…

 

* * *

 

By the next day, Lilly was caught up on her sleep enough to function semi-normally, and she made a lovely dinner that was waiting for Hanako and me when we got home from work that evening.

“Thank you so much,” I said afterwards, as Hanako and I worked on cleaning the dishes and kitchen. “I’ve missed your cooking.”

Hanako stuck out her lower lip at me. “My cooking isn’t g-good enough f-for you?” she teased.

“Your cooking is wonderful,” I said, honestly. She _had_ improved greatly under Lilly’s tutelage over the years. “But…you have to admit, Lilly’s oknomiyaki is something special.”

Hanako was unable to maintain her pout as she smiled at that. “True.”

After we finished cleaning up, we went to sit down around the low table with Lilly. But before I sat down, Lilly said, “Hisao, there’s a shopping bag just inside my bedroom door. Would you be so kind as to bring it out here?”

“Sure.” It was a white plastic bag, emblazoned with the logo of an athletic supply store. I took it to Lilly, who was sitting on the floor by the table.

“Thank you, Hisao.” She slid her hand into the bag and felt for something, then pulled her hand out empty. She smiled toward us, looking oddly nervous.

“I have a favor to ask.” I glanced at Hanako, who shrugged and shook her head at me. I wondered if the athletic supply store had anything to do with the favor, or if it was just a random bag.

“I've just spent ten days in Scotland, where it rained almost every single day. Cold rain. I understand you both have the four days before classes start off from work?”

“Y-yes,” confirmed Hanako. I wondered what rainy Scotland had to do with our long weekend.

“Did you have any plans for your long weekend?”

“Sleep in. Read. Play some games. Maybe see a movie or two.”

“So, no planned trips to Mount Fuji or anything.”

“Uh, no…” I exchanged a puzzled glance with Hanako.

“All right.” Lilly sat up straighter, and smiled again at us. “I want to put forth a proposal for weekend plans.”

“Sure.”

“I would like to take us to Ishigaki for the weekend.”

“What?”

“W-what?”

Hanako and I stared at her, confused. “Ishigaki. As in, the island? In Okinawa?” I asked.

“Yes. I know it’s short notice, but we could have three days on the beach. Drying out and warming up. The forecast says it’s supposed to get up above twenty-eight there this weekend.”

“It’s not a question of the weather, Lilly,” I began slowly, but she held up a hand.

“I said _I_ wanted to take us there. I fly often enough to Scotland that I have sufficient frequent-flyer miles to get us all there for free. If I went by myself, I would be stuck with whatever is easily accessible from the hotel, but if you were to come with me, we could explore more widely. You would be doing me a favor. I want to go somewhere to thaw out.”

I ran a hand through my hair, considering. I had made some extra money with my extra shifts the past couple of weeks, but I had been hoping to save it towards getting Hanako a new laptop for her birthday. The nicest thing that could be said about her current machine was that it worked. Usually. Surely a journalist needed better tools than that.

“It’s n-nice of you t-to offer this,” Hanako began. “B-but our finances are a little…tight.”

“Too true,” I said.

Lilly buried her face in one hand for a moment, then lifted her head and said, “I know we don’t often discuss the fact that my family is wealthy. I know it is not a comfortable subject. For any of us. But…I _can_ afford this. I don’t want you to have to pay for _anything_ this weekend.”

“Lilly—”

She cut me off again. “I want to give you this gift. I want to give _me_ this gift, of getting to do something fun with the people I love. I have only gone to Ishigaki a couple of times, but I’ve loved it both times. I’m sure you’d love it too. The beaches are wonderful. And having your company would make it even better for me.”

“B-but I’ve never gone to the beach. At least, n-not since… I d-don’t even own a b-bathing suit.” Hanako looked dismayed at the very idea.

“Ah. Yes. I had considered that, and I took the liberty of purchasing one for you.”

“You _what?”_ Hanako looked utterly taken aback.

I had a momentary mental image of Hanako in a bikini, but that pleasantly erotic notion was disrupted by my knowing just how incredibly self-conscious that kind of attire would make her feel.

Lilly reached into the bag beside her and pulled out a large bundle of cloth. It didn’t look like any swim suit I’d ever seen. It was long and mostly dark purple, with panels of bright tropical flowers. As Lilly shook it out, I realized it was a full-body suit, with arms and legs, something like a wetsuit, but made of cloth instead of neoprene.

“It’s called a surf suit, or a rash guard swimsuit,” explained Lilly, holding it out toward Hanako. Hanako just stared at it, not taking it from Lilly’s hand. “Snorkelers and surfers sometimes wear them. It will cover you from neck to ankles, with an SPF of more than fifty, so you won’t have to worry about issues of sun exposure on most of your scars.”

Seeing that Hanako wasn’t going to take the suit from Lilly, I took it from her, asking, “Can I see that?” There was a product tag that was several pages long attached to the wrist, and I skimmed it. The sizing chart seemed to indicate that she’d gotten the right size for Hanako, and it touted its UV protection capabilities. “She’s right, Hanako, it would protect you. And also…hide most of your scars from the public eye.” Saying that made me think about my _own_ scars, and the notion of displaying my chest in public made me grimace. Maybe I could keep on a t-shirt the whole time.

Lilly reached into the bag again and pulled out two more surf suits. “I also got ones for Hisao and me. So that you wouldn’t have to be the only person on the beach wearing one.”

“Oh. Thank you. I was getting self-conscious thinking about displaying my scars in public, too.” Lilly’s was blue and white, with floral panels similar in style to Hanako’s. I took my suit, which had short sleeves and legs, and was solid black with gold colored sleeves. It was still a little intimidating, since it looked like it was skin-tight. Though I _was_ currently in the best shape I’d ever been in my life, thanks to my running.

Hanako seemed to come out of her freeze with a shake of her head, and said, “Th-thank you for th-thinking of me, but…it’s not about the suit, Lilly.”

Oh. Right. I was letting myself get side-tracked. I sighed. “This would not be an inexpensive trip, Lilly, even with free flights. I confess I would feel a bit like I was taking advantage of you.”

Lilly frowned. “But _I’m_ the one who offered it. You did not ask me for this. You _never_ ask me for anything like this, which I appreciate. I want to give this to you. To _us._ It’s for my own pleasure and enjoyment, too.”

I frowned, and was about to open my mouth to offer further objections, when Hanako said, “Hisao. Let’s d-do this.”

I turned to Hanako, surprised. “What?”

“It would be rude to r-refuse such a fine gift. And it is to Lilly’s b-benefit as well as ours. You know she c-can afford it. She would not offer this if she c-couldn’t.”

“Well, no, I’m sure she can—”

“Yes, I can. And it’s not just that. I _want_ to do something nice for you. It would make me happy, to make you happy.” She smiled at us, but it seemed that the smile was also a touch sad. “I just spent almost two weeks with my…biological family in Scotland. Aside from Akira, it was…well, that’s irrelevant. Now, I want to spend four days with the family of my heart, doing something frivolous and fun. And _warm_.”

God, what had her visit with her parents been like? I was pretty sure that if I asked, I wouldn’t get a straight answer. At least, not yet. So I said, “Well, since you put it that way.” I looked at Hanako, and she nodded at me. “Thank you, Lilly, for this kind and generous gift.”

Lilly’s face lit up with a broad smile, one of the most open and happy expressions I’d ever seen on her face. “Wonderful! Thank you so much, you two. We’ll have a wonderful time.”

I passed the long-sleeved swimsuit to Hanako, and this time she took it. “It looks pretty,” I offered, gesturing at the floral panels that adorned the suit. “Do you want to try it on?”

Hanako held the suit up, examining it, and bit her lip. “It l-looks…skin-tight.”

“Well, yes,” said Lilly.

“That sounds…uncomfortable.”

“It’s no more uncomfortable than a leotard and tights,” said Lilly. “I tried mine on while shopping for them.”

“I d-didn’t mean physically.”

“Ah.”

“Why don’t you try it on,” I urged. “See how it fits.”

Hanako grimaced, then said dubiously, “All right.”

She disappeared into our bedroom to change. Given that Lilly couldn’t see her, and I saw her undress every day, that seemed a little silly to me, but I guess it made her more comfortable.

Hanako remained in the bedroom so long, I finally called out to her, “Do you need help getting it on?”

“No…” Hanako slowly opened the bedroom door. Her face was as red as a beet, and she was staring at the floor. She stepped into the living room in her bare feet.

“Ohhh, my,” I breathed. Despite the empathy I felt for her embarrassment, I couldn’t help but smile at the sight she presented. “Oh, Lilly, you chose well. She is _gorgeous_.”

At that, Hanako looked up at me. “G-gorgeous? I’m p-practically _n-naked_!”

Lilly choked back a small giggle. “And don’t you think your boyfriend should find that gorgeous?”

“B-but it won’t b-be j-just _him_ seeing me l-like this. It will b-be _everyone_ on the b-beach.” She grimaced, and gestured towards her chest. “Everyone will see… _this._ ”

“Oh. Right.” I was used to Hanako’s breasts—well, to be more accurate, I loved them—but she was self-conscious about the fact that her right breast was smaller than her left. “Can you wear—do you think your inserts are waterproof? Can you wear them with a suit?”

“What inserts?” asked Lilly.

Hanako grimaced, then sighed. “B-because of my scars. My r-right b-breast is a lot smaller than m-my left. I wear a p-padded insert in my b-bra to…even things out.”

“Oh.” Lilly looked startled. “I…had no idea.”

At that, Hanako managed an embarrassed giggle. “Well, it’s not as if y-you’ve ever felt my naked b-breasts before.”

Lilly smiled. “This is true.”

“S-standing here in this…surf suit almost f- _feels_ like I’m standing naked in f-front of you.”

“People wear much less than that at the beach all the time,” said Lilly.

Hanako rolled her eyes and dropped down onto the couch. “I _know_ th-that. I know that th-this isn’t a string b-bikini”—

“Unfortunately,” I murmured.

Lilly giggled, and Hanako glared at me, but the corner of her mouth also twitched up a little at my comment. —“b-but _I’ve_ never worn anything so r-revealing in my _life_.”

“So…do you not want to visit the beaches on Ishigaki?” I asked hesitantly. It seemed like that would defeat the purpose of going there in the first place.

Hanako buried her face in her hands for a moment. “No. I _want_ to v-visit the beach,” she said, her voice muffled by her hands. She lifted her face and sighed. “I just…I’ll j-just have to get used t-to being looked at.” She frowned. “Usually, when s-someone s-stares at me, it’s…because of my scars.”

“Trust me, that won’t be the first thing people notice in this outfit,” I said.

Hanako scowled at me. “Th-that’s not…helping.”

Oops. “Sorry,” I muttered.

Hanako stared down at her body in its skin-tight covering, a pensive look on her face. She looked up at me. “D-do I really look…okay?” she asked me hesitantly.

I shifted up to sit on the couch beside her, and took one of her hands in mine. “More than okay. Sweetheart, even if I didn’t love you, I would find you attractive. You’ve got a beautiful face and a luscious body.”

“All lop-sided,” she grumbled.

I shrugged. “So? It’s part of what makes you uniquely you. You may be different—heck, we’re _all_ different—but you’ve got delicious curves.”

“Most women are somewhat asymmetrical,” Lilly said. “My right breast is a touch larger than my left, though not so much so that I need a special bra.”

“And maybe we can make one of your inserts work with the suit, if that’ll make you feel less self-conscious,” I said.

“I’m sorry I can’t reassure you the way Hisao can,” Lilly said, “But you’re truly beautiful in every way that I know you. If your visual beauty comes close to matching the beauty of your soul, you indeed have nothing to worry about.

Hanako bit her lip and stared at Lilly for a moment, then asked, “Do you want to look at me, too?”

“Pardon me?” Lilly looked startled, almost as startled as I felt.

Hanako took a deep breath. “If the whole world is g-going to get to see my body…it only seems f-fair that my best friend should, too.” Her face was a bit red, but…not as much as I might have expected.

“I…Hanako, I…” Lilly seemed to be utterly at a loss for words, her face redder than Hanako’s.

Hanako’s face fell. “Y-you don’t have t-to if you don’t w-want to, of course,” she said.

“No, I want to, it’s just…are you _sure?_ ” Lilly asked.

“I’m not really n-naked, I just feel that way. Haven’t you ever w-wondered what the rest of my b-body looks like, aside from my face?”

“Well…yes…I mean, I have some sense of it, from hugging you, or cuddling in bed, but still…” Lilly paused for a moment, then she nodded decisively. “Yes, thank you, Hanako, I’d be honored.”

I looked at the two of them, utterly flabbergasted. Hanako stood up and walked over to where Lilly was sitting. “W-where do you want to s-start?”

Lilly considered for a moment, then stood up as she said, “At the top. With your face.”

Hanako nodded. “Okay.”

Lilly reached out a hand, and Hanako took it and guided it to her face. Lilly raised her other hand, so she was cupping Hanako’s face in her hands. Her thumbs gently stroked Hanako’s lips and cheeks.

Lilly smiled in response to feeling Hanako’s smile. “You’re smiling.”

“Yes. I’m happy.”

“You’ll tell me if anything is too uncomfortable, or intimate?”

“I will.”

Lilly visibly relaxed at that, and her hands began to trace Hanako’s features in the familiar way, outlining her eyes, nose, mouth, pressing in lightly against her cheekbones. She stroked delicate fingertips across Hanako’s eyebrows, and then eyelids.

Then her hands wandered further than normal, tracing the shell of Hanako’s ears, causing her to giggle. She brushed Hanako’s long hair back behind her ears, and ran her hands behind her head, feeling the shape of her skull under her long hair. The maneuver pulled their faces closer together, and I could see Hanako staring into Lilly’s half-lidded sightless eyes. I found the intimacy of their closeness somewhat…distracting. _This is just how Lilly looks at things,_ I scolded myself. But I didn’t fully believe it.

Lilly ran her fingers through Hanako’s hair, brushing it out. “You have such lovely hair,” she said. It wasn’t as if Lilly hadn’t brushed Hanako’s hair for her before, but it seemed like Lilly was intent upon capturing every tactile aspect of Hanako in this “look.”

She returned her hands to Hanako’s head, and let her fingers slide down her neck. Her left hand moved no differently over Hanako’s scarred neck than her right hand did over the unscarred flesh. Her fingers moved to the back of Hanako’s neck, then to the front. Then they separated and stroked down the length of her arms. When she got to her hands, the two of them joined hands, palm-to-palm between them for a moment.

“Is this still all right?” asked Lilly. She wasn’t able to see that Hanako’s smile hadn’t faded.

“Oh, yes.”

“I…” Lilly paused for a breath. “I must confess that now you’ve told me about them, I’m curious about your…breasts. May I—“

“Of course,” said Hanako. “I was assuming you’d l-look at all of me.”

I watched as they unlinked their fingers, and Lilly let her hands slide back up Hanako’s arms. She stroked the curve of her collarbones, then hesitated. I found myself holding my breath for a moment, watching this, and tried to make myself look away, but I couldn’t.

Maybe I made some small sound, or maybe Hanako just knows me that well, because she glanced over at me. Her smile sharpened just a touch as she looked at me, and then—she winked.

Her attention was drawn away from me as Lilly’s hands hesitantly slid down to cup Hanako’s breasts. She was incredibly tentative and gentle, looking slightly uncertain. “Huh,” Lilly said, sounding surprised.

Hanako giggled. “L-like I said. There’s almost a f-full cup size difference b-between the two.” Lilly nodded.

The suit didn’t have much in the way of padding. I was surprised to see Hanako’s nipples were rather erect, and I swallowed hard at the implication. There was no way that Lilly’s sensitive fingers, used to reading small dots on a page, could have missed that biological Braille.

Lilly bit her lip, and moved her hands down Hanako’s rib cage. She dropped to her knees, and let her hands trace the contour of Hanako’s belly and hips, and down the length of her legs. She avoided Hanako’s sex, but other than that she touched her everywhere.

Once she was done with Hanako’s feet, she ran her hands back up the outside of her legs, her hands boldly cupping Hanako’s buttocks for a moment, then she steadied herself by holding onto Hanako’s hips as she stood up. She let her hands go around to Hanako’s back, wrapping her in a hug. Hanako lifted her arms to hug her back, and they ended with a long hug.

“Thank you, Hanako,” Lilly said quietly. “Hisao is right. You _are_ quite beautiful.”

Hanako had a sweet and gentle smile on her face as she hugged Lilly back. She looked more than happy—she looked content.

As they broke apart, Hanako gave a happy little sigh. “All right. I th-think I can bear to wear this in p-public, now. As long as the people I l-love think I’m beautiful, everyone else d-doesn’t really matter.”

“I don’t just think it, I _know_ it,” I said.

Hanako’s gentle smile shifted to a grin. “Flatterer.”

“But no less true,” said Lilly.

Hanako took one of Lilly’s hands in hers, and reached out to where I was sitting. I reached up to take her hand. “Thank you. B-both of you,” she said quietly.

“My pleasure,” I said.

“Mine too,” said Lilly, and then she blushed. Hanako and I both laughed.

As Hanako released our hands, we all sat back down. Lilly found the bag and reached into it again. “I also got us beach wraps to wear over the suits. I asked the clerk for two pretty ones to go with our suits, you can pick whichever you prefer.” She pulled out two bundles of light cloth, both with floral prints, one predominantly blues and greens, the other purples and reds.

“I…like the purple one. And I think the b-blue one would go nicely w-with your eyes and hair.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“Thank you for the s-suit. And wrap.”

“And vacation,” I added.

Lilly smiled. “Thank me when we’re baking on a beach.”

 

* * *

 

We only had Wednesday to pack and prepare for our trip. Fortunately, Hanako and I both worked morning shifts, so we were able to take the afternoon to run around getting odds and ends we thought we might need, like suntan lotion and flip-flops. Hanako visited the lingerie store where she usually bought her bras and inserts, and found something that would work with a swim suit, much to her relief. It turned out, logically enough, that it wasn’t an uncommon request. Lots of women who’ve had mastectomies or other breast surgeries still liked to swim.

As we prepared for bed that night, Hanako kept opening our suitcase and pulling things out, then putting other things in. “Sweetie, it’s just four days. We’re not going to the jungles of Brazil.”

Hanako sighed, and sat back on the edge of the bed. “Yes, b-but it’s the furthest _I’ve_ ever traveled. And it’s m-my first flight. What if I f-forget something important?”

“As long as I have my meds, you have your lotions, and Lilly has her cane, everything else can be purchased when we get there if we forget it. It’s not the wilderness, it’s a tourist destination.”

“Yes…” she said dubiously.

“Come to bed, silly woman. We’ve got to get up early to catch the train to the airport.”

She stared at the suit case, then resolutely zipped it shut. “All right.”

Hanako was unusually quiet on the train ride to the airport the next morning. Lilly was sitting next to her, and I was sitting across from them, facing them. After several attempts to draw Hanako out in conversation produced only monosyllabic responses, Lilly asked, “Are you nervous about the flight?”

Hanako shrugged, looking embarrassed. “M-maybe. A l-little.”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of. Statistically speaking, it’s far safer than driving,” I said.

“Or walking around a city blind,” added Lilly drily. “I’ve been in three accidents just walking, but none while flying.”

“I know th-that. In my head. B-but my heart is s-still in my throat.”

I reached across and took her hand in mine. I squeezed it firmly for a moment. “We’ll be with you, Hanako. It will be fine.”

She gave me an unconvincing smile, and said “Th-thank you.”

“This will only be the third flight _I’ve_ ever taken,” I told her. “But I really enjoy it. The view from the air of the countryside is amazing. I hope the sky is clear for most of our trip, so you can see the ground.”

Lilly sighed. “For me, it’s just a few hours in a cramped seat, the price I pay to get to where I want to be. At least this flight is less than three hours. It’s over fifteen to Scotland.” She smiled. “ _And_ there are no changes in time zones. I hate jet lag.”

Since we were traveling with Lilly, we boarded the plane early, which was convenient. We were on the right side of the plane, and Hanako habitually sat down first, next to the window, so she could keep her right side away from prying eyes. I had been planning to offer her the window seat in any case.

As the plane slowly filled up, I noticed Hanako had closed her eyes, and was doing her breathing exercises. I debated asking her if she was all right, but decided to let her meditate uninterrupted for the moment. Lilly and I quietly talked about what we wanted to do once we landed.

As the the plane pushed away from the terminal and the flight attendants began their safety demonstration, Hanako opened her eyes. She listened intently, having never heard it before. Afterward, she closed her eyes again and resumed her breathing exercises. I squeezed her hand, and she opened her eyes to glance at me briefly. “It’s n-not just the flight…it’s all th-these people, so c-close, with n-no place to escape,” she said softly. I nodded in understanding.

As the plane’s engines revved up, and we began to roll down the runway, Hanako’s hand gripped mine even harder. I didn’t have anything new to say to reassure her, so I just squeezed back, and smiled at her. She tried to smile back and failed, then turned to look out the window at the runway flashing past.

It was a smallish plane, so when we left the ground we did so quickly. Hanako gasped as the ground fell away from beneath us, the rough vibration of the wheels on tarmac giving way to the sensation of being pushed back in our seats as we angled up into the sky. We had taken off facing north, so the plane did a slow half circle to get us heading south, giving us a lovely view of the city below as it did. Hanako let go of my hand and turned to face the window more fully, her face pressed up against it, drinking in the sight.

“It’s…beautiful,” she said quietly.

“Yeah. It is.”

She continued to stare out the window, entranced, and I turned to Lilly and murmured, “I think the view is distracting her from her anxiety.”

“Oh, good.” Lilly smiled.

Hanako turned to us and smiled. “It’s not just d-distracting, it’s w- _wonderful_.” I guess I hadn’t been as quiet as I’d thought. She looked relaxed, her shoulders down and her hands no longer balled into fists. She turned back to the window. “It’s like being a b-bird, or a giant, and having th-the world spread out b-beneath you.”

I relaxed too, my tension from worrying about Hanako fading away. I took her hand in mine again, and lifted it to my lips to kiss it. She glanced at me and flashed me a smile, a real one this time, then returned to looking out the window.

After an hour or so, we left the main body of Japan, and were flying over the East China Sea. Hanako turned her attention to the Ishigaki travel guide she’d checked out from the library yesterday, still looking out the window at regular intervals.

The Ishigaki airport was surprisingly nice, for such a small island, and we easily retrieved our bags. The warm air hit us like a promise of beaches to come as we exited the airport, and Lilly sighed happily. We found the bus to our hotel, and the first part of the brief trip was through farmland before we got to the city, with palm trees lining the sides of the roads.

“I’ve never s-seen real palm trees before,” Hanako said, staring out the window. “Everything here is so green.”

“Have you ever seen—felt a palm tree, Lilly?” I asked curiously.

Lilly smiled. “I tried to climb one once when I was a little girl. I couldn’t believe there were actually trees that had no branches for climbing.”

“Y-you climbed trees?”

“Oh, yes. I used to love that when I was a child. Climbing _up_ was easy, I just felt for handholds over head. Climbing down was…sometimes a bit more problematic. But I never fell.” She looked wistful. “It’s been over ten years since the last time I did that, though.”

“Wow.” I stared at Lilly. “I must admit, I never would have guessed that part of your childhood.”

Lilly chuckled. “Well, we all have our little secrets. Someday I’ll have to tell you about the my…less than successful attempts at snow skiing.”

When we checked in, I had to suppress a gasp when the clerk told Lilly the room rate for our visit. Lilly seem neither surprised nor dismayed, she just smiled and handed over her credit card.

“Thank you again for this vacation,” I said, as we rode the elevator up to our room. The cost of the hotel had rattled me.

“It’s only just begun,” she said with a smile. “If you want to eat anything while I’m asleep or not around, just charge it to our room.”

“All right,” I said, while resolving to never do such a thing.

The suite we had consisted of a bathroom with a large shower and tub, a large living room area with a futon couch that folded flat for sleeping, and a separate bedroom with a large bed. The view out our window was of the city, not the ocean, which I suspected meant that the room cost less. I shuddered to think how much more a room with a view cost. Since the view meant nothing to Lilly, it made sense to be on the non-scenic side of the building.

“I’ll take the futon,” said Lilly.

“Don’t be silly, you’re paying for all this, you should get the bed. We’ll be fine on the futon.”

Lilly sighed. “The bed is larger than the futon, and makes more sense for a couple. And if you two should desire any…private time, it would be easier for you to be in the bedroom than the living room.”

I did feel a touch guilty about taking the bed from her, but the idea of privacy was valid. And enticing. I glanced at Hanako, and nodded. “All r-right,” said Hanako. “If you insist.”

“I do.” Lilly smiled. “Now, let’s get into our suits and visit the beach. There are still a few hours of afternoon left before dinner, and I want to warm up.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

I stared at myself in the bedroom’s mirror, and suddenly I sympathized more with Hanako’s reaction to first donning the surf suit. In the past when swimming, I had always worn baggy swimming trunks, not the skin-tight briefs that some men favored.

But now, I was on full display. The suit wasn’t quite tight and thin enough to see my scar through the fabric, but it was a close thing. And below that, well…I slipped a hand into my suit to adjust myself a little, trying for a less conspicuous arrangement. To no avail. I just had to hope that I didn’t see anything too arousing on the beach. Which, given that I was traveling with two of the most beautiful women I knew, was a slim chance. I sighed, and considered just going with my usual loose trunks and a t-shirt. People swim in t-shirts, right?

The bedroom door opened, and Hanako came in. “Hisao, are you—oh!” Hanako looked startled at first, but her expression slowly shifted to an appreciative smile. “That’s _very_ nice.” She already had her suit on, and the pretty purple beach wrap over top of it.

I sighed. “To quote you: I feel naked.”

She giggled at that. “Now are you g-going to show Lilly what you l-look like?”

I glowered at her. “I don't think so.” I tried, and failed, to suppress the mental image of Lilly running her hands all over my body. Not a notion I needed running through my head while wearing a skin-tight outfit.

Hanako sighed dramatically. “Y-your loss. L-Lilly’s too.”

Well, I guess making me blush kept the blood flowing _up_ my body instead of down. “Maybe I'll just wear my regular swim trunks,” I said dubiously.

“That w-would be rude, to not wear your gift. B-besides, if _I_ have to wear this, it's only f-fair that _you_ do, too.”

“I suppose.” Lilly _had_ said she’d bought the suits for herself and me partly so that Hanako wouldn’t be the only person on the beach wearing such extensive covering.

“Come on, Hisao. It’s n-not that bad. And at l-least you have sexy legs to show for it.”

I had to smile at that. “Thank you, dear.” By and large I wasn’t terribly vain, but I _did_ have a sneaking bit of pride at the way my regular workouts had shaped my legs. I pulled a T-shirt on over my suit, and said, “All right, let’s go.”

Lilly was waiting in the living room, also attired in her suit and wrap, and she had a large floppy white sun hat on her head. She was holding a second such hat in her hand, which she held out towards us when she heard us emerge from the bedroom. “Here. This will keep the sun off the scars on your face and neck. And I’ve got sunscreen in my bag.”

“Th-thank you, Lilly.” We’d of course brought sunscreen as well, but Lilly liked to take care of us now and then.

As we rode the elevator down to the lobby, I said, “I can’t believe I’m just now thinking of this, but, Hanako—if you haven’t been to a pool or beach since you were a child, do you know how to swim?”

Hanako nodded. “Yes. I used to s-swim a lot. Before. I th-think it’s like riding a bicycle? I hope it w-will come back to me.” She smiled at me. “D-don’t worry, I w-won’t go deep-sea d-diving until I’m sure I won’t drown.”

I glanced at Lilly, who was holding my arm, as we exited the elevator. “And you too, Lilly? I’ve just been assuming you can swim, since you’ve been to the beach before.”

“Oh, yes. I manage fine in the sea with a companion to keep me from swimming away from shore.” Her smile sharpened a bit, and she asked sweetly, “And what of you, Hisao? Can you swim, too? Or we can rent you a life jacket if you need.” Hanako giggled.

I snorted. “Sorry, Lilly.” She could be sensitive at times about other people’s assumptions regarding the limitations her blindness placed on her. Those limitations were real, but they were nowhere near as extensive as I’d believed before I’d met her. “I won’t win any medals, but I can do a few laps.”

“Good.” As we exited the cool lobby onto the veranda leading to the beach, the warm salt-scented air washed over us, and Lilly paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. Since she was holding my arm at the moment, I stopped too. I looked at her, and her smile and posture relaxed in the warmth.

“Oh, I’ve needed this,” she said. “Can you find us three beach chairs together near the water?”

“Sure.”

There were a fair number of people on the beach, but the resort seemed to have a more than adequate number of chairs and umbrellas set up. At Hanako’s request, we headed for the far end of the row, away from most of the other sunbathers and swimmers.

After we set our towels and bags down on our chairs, Lilly untied her beach wrap and slipped it off, and I got to see her in her suit for the first time as she draped the wrap over her chair.

Wow.

Lilly usually wore trim but loose fitting clothing. I was well aware that she had, to quote Hanako, beautiful large breasts and nicely rounded buttocks. But they were usually more…camouflaged. Discreet. The full-body surf suit was skin tight and left little to the imagination.

“P-put your tongue back in your mouth, d-dear,” Hanako murmured, sounding amused. I blushed and looked away from Lilly, checking to make sure that my mouth wasn’t really hanging open.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “She just…caught me by surprise.”

Lilly, of course, heard everything. “I trust I’m not _too_ unpleasant to look at?” she asked with a smirk. I didn’t think I’d ever seen Lilly smirk before.

Hanako laughed. “Quite the op-p-posite.”

“Truly.”

“Do you want to sunbathe first, or go swimming?” Lilly asked.

I definitely wanted to get into the water, in hopes of cooling off. “Swimming sounds good.”

Hanako stared at the water. The waves were small and gentle at the moment, perfect for wading and reacquainting herself with the water. She took a deep breath. “Sure. S-swim first.” She bit her lip, and looked up and down the length of the beach, her hand on the tie of her beach wrap.

I rested a hand on her left cheek, and she looked at me, giving me a nervous smile. “Hey. You’re beautiful. The main thing you have to worry about is me getting into fights with all the guys hitting on you.”

At that, Hanako relaxed and gave me a more genuine smile. “Silly man.”

“Not about this I’m not.”

She shook her head, and, still smiling, untied her beach wrap and tossed it onto her chair. “Come on. L-let’s see if I can still r-ride this bicycle.”

As it turned out, swimming _was_ like riding a bicycle, at least for Hanako. In fairly short order, the three of us were floating and splashing around in the pleasantly cool water.

“I c-can’t believe I’ve…avoided this for so long,” Hanako said, as she floated on her back next to me. “I’d f-forgotten how much fun this is.” With her hair floating in the water around her, her full face was exposed, and I drank in the sight of seeing her in daylight. Normally I only got to see her like this, fully exposed and smiling, while we were alone in bed. I smiled and shook my head, which Hanako noticed. “What?”

“I just can’t believe how beautiful you are, that’s all. I’m so lucky.”

That earned me a splash of water to my face. Totally worth it, though.

After about a half an hour of splashing and swimming, we waded back to shore to stretch out on the beach chairs. I put up the umbrella next to Hanako’s chair. Her body reacted poorly to overheating, since her scar tissue didn’t sweat, so she stayed out of the direct sun. But the air was warm enough to dry her off.

Lilly and I opted to toast in the sun. I had brought a book with me, but had trouble focusing on it in the warmth. Eventually I gave up and settled into a half-dozing state for a while.

I was roused from my somnolence by the sound of Lilly standing up from her chair. “Going somewhere?” I asked.

“I just wanted to get wet again to cool off,” Lilly said. I glanced to my other side, to see Hanako asleep.

“Mind if I join you?”

“That would be nice. We can go out further than I might on my own.”

I offered her my arm, and we waded into the water. It felt chillier, to my sun-warmed skin, but we eased into it slowly. Eventually we were fully immersed, and we ended up just bobbing around and chatting for a while. I shamelessly took the opportunity to admire her figure in a way I wouldn’t with Hanako around. She was amazingly sexy, and I was grateful I was immersed in cool water to control my reactions. She stretched out on her back to float for a few moments, and I was glad her ears were submerged so she couldn’t hear the involuntary sound of appreciation I made at the lovely sight.

Something grabbed at my ankle, and I yipped in startlement, flailing and falling flat on my face in the water. I surfaced and got my feet back under me, only to find Hanako laughing at me, and Lilly saying “What happened? Is that Hanako?”

My heart was pounding a little from the unexpected submersion, but not enough to worry me. “You scurvy wench! Sneaking up on a man all unawares,” I growled at her, then dove toward her, intent upon ducking her underwater too. She fell over backwards while evading me, and resurfaced a moment later, coughing but still giggling.

I glanced over to where Lilly had been, checking on her, but I didn’t see her at first. Then I noticed the lightness of her blonde hair under the water, heading toward us, and Hanako yelped in startlement too as Lilly grabbed her legs and pulled them out from under her. The two women surfaced a moment later, and they wrestled for a moment before they both succumbed to laughter and just stood there, holding each other up.

I waded over to them, holding up my hands in surrender. “Truce?”

“Truce,” they agreed.

“I guess you weren’t as asleep as I thought you were,” I said to Hanako.

“When I w-woke up and you weren’t there, it t-took me a moment to find you in the water.” I realized we were a fair bit south of our chairs, having been pushed in that direction by the waves, gentle though they were. “Then I s-saw my opportunity, and I c-couldn’t resist.” She grinned at me.

“How did you find Hanako?” I asked Lilly.

“The two of you were making enough noise that Shizune could have tracked you without sight,” said Lilly. “Although I _was_ aiming for you, Hisao.”

I laughed. “Well, you still hit _a_ target.”

“Just you wait. Next time, for sure.”

“Yikes.”

We waded out of the water, and back up the beach to our chairs. The sun was getting lower on the horizon, and wasn’t as hot as it had been earlier, so we decided to head back in.

When I came out of the bathroom after showering the salt water off, Lilly was on the phone. “Yes, three for seven o’clock. Thank you. We’ll see you then.” She hung up.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I was just making dinner reservations for us. There’s a lovely little French place a few blocks from here, we can easily walk there.”

“French? How fancy are we talking?” Lilly had asked us to bring a few “nicer” outfits for dining out, but I wasn’t sure if our definitions of “nice” were totally congruent.

“Slacks and something not-a-t-shirt would suffice.”

“All right. The bathtub has one of those retractable clothes line thingies, and I’ve hung all our suits on it to dry,” I told her, habitually informing her of changes to our communal areas.

“Thank you.”

Lilly and Hanako had donned summer weight dresses, and they both looked stunning. Hanako even wore one of the few short-sleeved dresses she owned, much to my delight. She would normally only expose so much skin if she were feeling relaxed and confident. I was glad an afternoon of being “almost naked” hadn't made her more self-conscious.

It being warm out, I opted for just a striped blue button-down short-sleeved shirt and khakis. As I stepped out of the elevator, a gorgeous woman on each arm, I felt like a million yen.

I felt Hanako’s hand tense as she saw a few people staring at us. I murmured to her, “They’re not staring at you, sweetie, they’re staring at _me_.”

That got a small laugh out of both of them. “How d-do you figure _that_?”

“They’re all wondering how such a goofy-looking nerd ended up with the two most beautiful women in the hotel.”

Hanako’s grip on my arm relaxed, and she smiled.

“You did it by being you, Hisao,” Lilly said. “And none of them can hope to replicate that.”

“Indeed,” agreed Hanako. “And I d-dispute the ‘goofy-looking’ part of your assessment.”

“But not ‘nerd’?”

She shrugged and smiled sweetly at me. “You are w-what you are.”

Laughing, we headed out to dinner.

 

* * *

 

Around three a.m. I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. Insomnia was less of a problem for me than it had been when I had first gotten out of the hospital, but it still struck me from time to time. It had been a few weeks since I’d last had a sleepless night. After an hour of lying in bed, trying not to toss and turn and disturb Hanako, I gave up on sleep as a lost cause for the moment and slipped out of bed. Perhaps reading for a while would lull me to sleep. Then I hesitated—where to go? Hanako was easily woken by light. Lilly was sleeping in the living room part of the suite, and the only other space was the bathroom.

Then I shook my head. Light wouldn’t bother Lilly, and she was a heavy sleeper. The sound of turning pages shouldn’t disturb her. I picked up my book and slipped out of the bedroom, closing the door as quietly as I could behind me. I hesitated for a moment before flipping on the lights. Even after living with her for years, it felt odd to turn on the lights around a sleeping person. But reason prevailed, and when I turned them on, Lilly of course did not stir.

I looked at Lilly, asleep in her bed, and smiled. Even when she was relaxed around us, she had a slight edge of control and poise that never went fully away. Asleep, that tension was gone, and she looked even more beautiful. More at peace. More vulnerable.

As that thought occurred to me, I looked away from her, suddenly abashed at violating the privacy of her slumber so. I sat down in the armchair and resolutely opened my book, trying to give Lilly the illusion of privacy, even if she wasn’t awake to appreciate it.

I was only partly successful. My attention to the text kept flagging, and I found my gaze drawn inexorably back to the sleeping beauty before me. I briefly contemplated getting up and turning the chair around so I wasn’t facing her, but the notion of expending that much energy was just enervating. Eventually, I just gave in and let my book fall to my lap, and I gazed at Lilly, my eyes at half mast as my brain plodded wearily along in that gray, sleepless fog that was an insomniac’s demesne.

I was just beginning to contemplate rejoining Hanako, feeling like I might finally be able to fall back asleep, when Lilly whimpered. It wasn’t a loud sound, but it made me start. I set my book aside and stood up, then paused, looking down on Lilly. I wasn’t sure if I should just return to bed, to give her her privacy, or if she might prefer to be awakened from a bad dream. Her previously peaceful face wore a small frown, and even as I watched, she whimpered again and flinched. She rolled onto her side and pulled her knees up, curling into a ball. Her lips moved, as if speaking, though no words came out. The scientist side of myself was fascinated to note that her eyes were flickering under her eyelids, indicating REM sleep, despite the fact that she was blind. Her frown shifted to a sadder expression, and she made a few other quiet sounds. Her head twitched from side to side, as if she were shaking her head in her dreams.

I wondered if she often had nightmares, but was so quiet about it that Hanako and I had never heard her before. Or perhaps this was the result of some recent stress, such as her visit with her family?

I took a few steps around her bed and turned off the lights, planning on returning to my own bed to give her privacy, when she began softly speaking. “No no no no no,” she whispered, and her whole body jerked slightly. I watched her in the dim city-light that came in through the window. I bit my lip, then sat down on the bed beside her. I laid a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Lilly?” I said quietly. Her shoulder twitched at my touch, and I ran my hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her if not wake her. She was normally a deep sleeper, hard to rouse, but I hoped my touch might at least prove comforting.

She continued to twitch and whimper, and I increased the pressure on her back, now trying to wake her. With a final startle, she stopped moving and vocalizing, rolled onto her back, and her eyes fluttered open part way. “Toh—Toshiko?” she murmured sleepily, looking wary.

I felt a surge of anger at his name; if Ogata was the cause of her nightmares, I had just one more reason to dislike him. I said, as gently and quietly as I could, “No, it’s Hisao.”

“Hisao?” She looked confused for a moment, then relaxed. “Oh. Hisao. Wha…what are you doing here?”

“I was reading because I couldn’t sleep, when I heard you cry out. I woke you because you sounded like you were having a nightmare.”

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

I smiled. “No, I was already awake. Insomnia.” I brushed her hair back off her forehead, and stroked it gently. She relaxed against my touch. “Are you okay?”

“Sorry,” she repeated. “Just bad dreams.” Although she was relaxing, her eyes stayed opened, and her unguarded expression was bleak. It saddened me to see her looking so.

“Would you like a hug?” I asked.

She hesitated a moment, then nodded. I slid into bed next to her and slipped an arm under her head. She curled up against me, head on my shoulder, hand over my heart.

I asked quietly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

She shook her head. “It’s nothing. Just dreams. I get them sometimes.”

“Okay.” I considered pushing for more details, but, honestly, I was too tired for an intense personal conversation, and I also wasn’t sure if pushing was the right thing to do. So I just stroked her hair, trying to comfort her. Eventually, her breathing slowed, and she relaxed further, indicating that she’d fallen back asleep. But before I could slip out from under her head and return to my own bed, I joined her in slumber.

 

* * *

 

I woke up slowly, the light from the sunrise shining through my eyelids. I felt warm and cozy, lying curled up on my side, with the warmth of—

Of Lilly snuggled up against my back, I realized. Snoring quietly. The events of last night came flooding back into my memory.

 _Well, at least this time I didn't wake up groping her,_ I thought wryly. Her arm was wrapped around my chest, pulling me close.

Then I realized that it wasn't just the sun that had awakened me. I could also hear the shower running. Which meant Hanako was awake, and had walked past us to get to the shower. I was suddenly nervous about her reaction. We had discussed the possibility of one of us sleeping with Lilly alone, when the other one was out of town or some such, but this wasn’t quite that same situation.

I took a deep breath, and slid out from under Lilly’s arm and got out of bed. She snorted quietly—a delicate, lady-like snort—and rolled over, still asleep.

I headed towards the bathroom, determined to face the music as quickly and quietly as possible. I was sure Hanako would understand my actions, as long as I had a chance to explain them to her. Lilly slumbered on as I entered the bathroom and quietly closed the door behind me.

“Good morning,” I said, to let Hanako know I was there. She stuck her head out around the shower curtain and smiled at me. I relaxed immediately at that smile, and smiled back.

“Good morning t-to you,” she said. “D-did you sleep well?” There was a glint in her eye that I had trouble deciphering. I decided to ignore it for the moment and plow forward.

“Not really. Had a bout of insomnia, and I sat up reading in the living room for a while. Lilly had a nightmare, and I woke her, then I fell back asleep while giving her a hug.” There. Everything out as quickly and plainly as possible.

Hanako’s smile vanished. “Is sh-she all right?” she asked.

I shrugged as I peeled off my pajamas. “I think so? She didn’t want to talk about it, she just said that it happens sometimes.” I grimaced. “Though she thought I was Ogata at first, when I woke her.”

“Oh.” She scowled for a moment at Ogata’s name, then smiled at me again. “Well, I’m g-glad you were there to c-comfort her. The two of you l-looked very cute together.”

I stepped toward the shower, and she stepped back, pulling the curtain open for me. I loved the large hotel shower, which was big enough for two people. As the warm water ran over my body, relaxing me, I took Hanako into my arms and hugged her tight. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

“Not many women would be so…sanguine about waking up to find her boyfriend asleep in her best friend’s bed.”

Hanako smiled and gave me a kiss. “Well, not m-many women have such a wonderful boyfriend and b-best friend.” I snorted at that. “T-truly, Hisao. I love you both. The two of you couldn’t…hurt me.”

I thought that was a remarkably broad statement, but it warmed me nonetheless. I smiled at her. “How did I ever get so lucky?”

She smiled playfully at me, and slid a hand between our bodies. “You haven’t gotten lucky yet,” she said, and she grabbed my cock. I gasped as she gently squeezed me.

“Hanako! Lilly is in the next room!” I hissed. I bit my lip, willing my body to not respond to her blandishments, but that was a futile effort.

“So? She’s always in the next room when we m-make love. And you know how deeply she sleeps.”

“Not exactly…” The bathroom was between our bedrooms at home, but her hand was making it difficult for me to coherently verbalize that objection. My wavering resolve disappeared completely as she lowered herself to her knees in front of me. She licked me, then grinned at my gasp.

“ _Shhh_. If you don’t want to wake her, you’ll have to be very, _very_ quiet.” I clamped my teeth on a moan as she slid the length of me into her mouth, her lovely violet eyes locked on my face.

I _mostly_ succeeded in staying quiet.

 

* * *

 

After breakfast, we spent the morning exploring a botanical garden that was just a short bus ride away. It being early spring, a lot of the flowers weren’t yet in bloom, but there were more in bloom than there were back home. And since the gardens weren’t in full bloom, it wasn’t terribly crowded, which worked to our advantage.

There was enough variety of scent and sound to hold Lilly’s interest as well as our own. We crossed over a pretty wooden bridge that arched over a small stream, and Lilly came to a sudden stop. She inhaled deeply, and smiled.

“Do you smell that?” she asked us.

I sniffed the air, and was rewarded with a delicate sweet scent. I looked around for the source, but there were no large flowers nearby, just some tiny white dots among the ground cover.

“Th-that’s lovely,” said Hanako. “But what is it?”

Lilly chuckled. “It’s my namesake. One of them, anyway.”

“I don’t see any lilies nearby,” I said.

“Not lilies, lily of the valley,” said Lilly. “Look for a tiny white flower at ground level.”

“Really?” Hanako sounded incredulous. “B-but they’re so small, for such a s-strong odor.”

I bent closer to the ground, and realized Lilly was right. The scent grew stronger as I approached the tiny flowers. “They’re beautiful,” I said. They were delicate pure white bells, maybe a half centimeter in diameter each, hanging in clusters from their stems.

“And poisonous,” Lilly said. “Don’t eat them.”

I stood up. “I hadn’t planned to.”

“Is there a bench near here?” asked Lilly.

“Yeah. You want to sit for a while?”

“I think this would be a nice spot to relax for a moment.”

Hanako was currently guiding Lilly, so she lead her to the bench and they sat down together. Lilly was in the center of the bench, so I sat on her other side.

“Thank you for coming with me on this trip,” Lilly said. “This garden excursion is the kind of thing that would have been difficult for me to do on my own.”

I laughed. “You don’t need to thank us for this. It’s wonderful for us, too.”

“Is there enough beauty to look at as well as hear and smell here?” Lilly asked.

I looked at Lilly and Hanako sitting next to me, and smiled. “Most definitely.”

Hanako was looking around the garden and missed my glance. She said, “It’s like g-getting a preview of spring, a month or two early. It’s w-wonderful.”

I stared at the two of them, Hanako engaged and looking around, Lilly sitting with her head motionless, but still taking in the environment. Curious to know what she was experiencing, I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my other senses.

The sound of cars and the city was a faint but constant background noise, unescapable even in this peaceful oasis. But over that was the sound of the stream next to us, and the birds chittering amongst themselves in the trees. The wind rustled the leaves lightly.

The scent of lily of the valley was the dominant olfactory presence, but even under that was the green growing scent of the trees and other plant life around us, and the smell of the rich earth. And there was also the scent of Lilly, beside me, and as I concentrated, I could even pick up a faint hint of Hanako, next to her.

I rubbed my fingers over the warm wood of the bench we were sitting on, feeling the grain worn smooth. There was the pressure of Lilly’s thigh against mine where we sat, and the faint tickle of the breeze blowing across my face. Although we were mostly shaded by the trees overhead, I could feel a warm spot on my left arm where the sun shone through.

As I focused on these sensations, it occurred to me, _This is how Lilly lives all the time._ It was hardly a new thought; I had done similar “experiments” in the past, but somehow the intensity of the smells around us drove the point home more vividly this time. Without thinking about it, I put my arm across Lilly’s shoulders, with my hand resting on Hanako’s shoulder. Hanako made a small “Hm?” noise of inquiry, then said, “Ah.” I felt her arm slip around Lilly’s waist, her hand resting against my hip.

The three of us just sat there for a time, listening, feeling, smelling. Being.

 

* * *

 

On our way back to the hotel we found a small conveyor-belt sushi joint at which to have lunch. The seafood, not surprisingly for an island, was wonderfully fresh. I ate too much, and couldn’t regret it.

When we got back to the hotel, I wanted to take a nap, but the sun and surf called, so we donned our suits again and returned to the beach. I figured I could sleep as easily on the beach as in our room.

One nice thing starting the day with a blowjob in the shower—well, one of _several_ nice things—was that I wasn’t as concerned about my reactions betraying me while at the beach. Although I found the scantily-clad women around us to be of aesthetic interest, Hanako had managed to temporarily quench my libido to a remarkable degree. I smiled contentedly at her as I recalled yet again just how she had accomplished that.

I still had a few hours of lost sleep to make up for from last night, as well as a full stomach, so I chose to nap first, while Lilly and Hanako went into the water to swim and play. I really _did_ want to sleep, but the sight of the two of them kept my eyes open, as I watched them in the water. They were so different, and yet both so beautiful. I found myself just smiling for the simple joy of watching them. I was so lucky to have them in my life. I felt like I could happily sit there just watching the two of them indefinitely.

I must have dozed off eventually, because I’m reasonably certain they didn’t actually lose their suits in the sea before coming back out of the water. Looking like a pair of complementary goddesses, blonde and black hair flowing down past their ankles around them like cloaks and dripping as they strode powerfully out of the sea. Jiggling nicely as they came. But it was a lovely image.

“Hey, you got a swimsuit like mine.” I was pulled from my torpor by a young girl’s voice. Judging by the sun, I must have been asleep for about an hour.

“I do?” asked Lilly. I looked over to see a girl standing by Lilly’s chair. She was maybe seven or eight (I wasn’t terribly good at estimating children’s ages), and she was also wearing a full-body surf suit.

“Yeah. Does your mommy make you wear yours, too?”

Lilly chuckled. “No, I bought it for myself. To protect me from the sun.”

“Yeah, that’s what mommy says, she doesn’t like putting lotion on me all the time.” The girl tugged at the fabric covering her arm. “But sometimes sand gets inside and it’s really itchy.”

“I’m glad that hasn’t happened to me yet,” said Lilly.

“Your suit is really pretty. I like your flowers.”

“Thank you,” said Lilly.

“Do you like my suit?” She spun around in a circle, showing off.

“I’m sure it’s lovely, but I’m afraid I can’t see it.”

“Huh? Why not?”

“I’m blind. That means I can’t see anything.”

“I _know_ what blind means.” The girl looked thoughtful for a moment. “You can’t see _anything_?” She waved her hands around, as if to test Lilly’s claim.

“No, nothing. But I’m sure your suit is pretty too. Can you describe it to me?”

“Oh, it’s pink with all these slanty purple stripes all down the sides which makes it look like it’s really fast, ‘cause I’m really fast when I run, and I’m getting faster when I swim.”

“That sounds lovely. It sounds like you swim a lot.”

“Yeah, I’d swim every day if I could but Mommy says she can’t spend her life at the beach and sometimes I gotta go to school and stuff and our school doesn’t even _have_ a pool, not like my friend Mikki, her school has a pool and she gets to swim for _gym class_ , which sounds like _super_ cool, and I want to go to Mikki’s school but Mommy says I can’t which just isn’t fair.” This monologue was interrupted when she noticed me watching her. “Are you blind too, mister?”

I laughed. “No, I’m not. What’s your name?”

“Oh. I’m Yuki.” She bobbed her head in what looked like a vague sketch of a bow. “Pleasedtomeetcha.”

“And I’m Miss Satou, and my friend is Mr. Nakai,” said Lilly.

“Is the other lady in the long suit your friend too?” Yuki peered curiously past me at Hanako.

“Yes, that’s Miss Ikezawa.”

I looked over at Hanako to see her sitting up, apparently drawn in by the mention of her name. She smiled at Yuki. “Hello, Y-yuki.”

“Hello.” Yuki cocked her head, looking curious. “What happened to your face?”

“That’s not a polite—” Lilly began to reprove, but I put a hand on her shoulder, cutting her off.

“Wait,” I said quietly.

Hanako didn’t look offended. She often found children easier to deal with than adults, finding their directness preferable to plastic smiles and pity.

“I was caught in a f-fire when I was a little girl. I got b-burned.”

Yuki’s eyes went wide. “Wow. Did it hurt?”

“Yes. B-but it was a long t-time ago.”

“My cousin Shinji got burned on his arm once, he’s got a big red scar.”

Hanako ran her fingertips down her cheek. “Well, th-that’s what these are. Scars.”

“Will they ever go away?”

“No. Scars are f-forever.”

“Oh.” Yuki frowned for a moment, then said decisively, “But you’re still pretty anyway. I like your suit, too.”

Hanako’s smile blossomed bright. “Th-thank you. Your suit is pretty too. It m-makes you look very fast.”

Yuki beamed at that assessment. “I’m the fastest swimmer in my family. Even faster than my brother.”

“You’re probably faster than any of us, too,” I said.

“Really? But you’re grown ups.”

“Well, we don’t swim as much as you do,” I said. “Practice helps.”

“Do you want to race me?”

“Ah…” I was uncertain how to respond to that one. The thought of getting near this tiny powerhouse in the water sounded like an invitation to getting kicked in the chest.

“Shouldn’t you ask your mother before you go into the water?” Lilly asked.

“Oh, yeah, I guess,” said Yuki, sounding unconcerned. She turned away from us and yelled, “Mommy! Can I go swimming with Miss Setou and her pretty friend?” Apparently I didn’t merit a mention. Lilly winced slightly at Yuki’s volume.

“Yuki, stop bothering people,” called back a woman, sitting on a beach chair a half-dozen seats down from us. She stood up and walked over to us. “I’m sorry, she can be aggressively friendly at times.”

“Look, Mommy, they got swim suits like mine!”

“Yes, dear, I see.”

Lilly smiled at Yuki’s mother. “She’s fine, she was just telling us about what a good swimmer she was, and wanted to demonstrate.”

A look of realization crossed Yuki’s face. “Oh, but you wouldn’t be able to see me swim,” she said, sounding disappointed. She turned to her mother and explained, “Miss Setou is blind.”

“Miss Satou,” Lilly corrected.

Yuki’s mother’s face acquired the slightly frozen smile I was all too used to seeing from people sometimes when they first encountered Lilly or Hanako. “Come along, Yuki, let’s leave Miss Satou and her friends to enjoy the beach in peace.”

“But _Mommy_ …” Her mother took her hand and pulled her away from us, quietly lecturing her about bothering strangers at the beach as they went. Yuki looked back over her shoulder and waved her free hand at us.

“Bye, Yuki,” I called, and gave a little wave back.

Lilly sighed. “Did I scare her mother off?” she asked me quietly.

“Eh. I’m not sure how much was her being weird about us, and how much was just her trying to rein in Yuki. I suspect we’re not the first strangers Yuki has struck up conversations with.”

Hanako chuckled. “I suspect the issue f-for Yuki would be g-getting her to _not_ talk.” I glanced at her, to see she was still smiling. Yuki’s compliment had really cheered her.

“Cute kid,” I said. “And she had impeccable taste in swim wear and women.” Hanako laughed at that.

“I’m going for a swim now,” I said, figuring that I’d gotten as much sleep as I was going to. “Anyone else want to come with me?”

 

* * *

 

Dinner that evening was in a small restaurant that Hanako had found in the guide book, under the heading of “Underappreciated Gems.” The decor was so-so but the food was excellent, and there was an outdoor patio facing west, where Hanako and I, at least, could enjoy the sunset. Lilly appreciated the breeze, and turned her face towards the sun for warmth, smiling.

The cuisine was European, skewed towards Italian, and Lilly ordered a bottle of red wine for us to go with dinner.

I know there’s some evidence that occasional red wine consumption is good for the heart, but there haven’t been any studies done for people with my particular condition, so I took that notion with a grain of salt. As a general rule, I limited my alcohol intake to the equivalent of a couple of bottles of beer a month, a limit my cardiologist gave grudging consent to. So I sipped my glass slowly over the course of dinner, letting the ladies share the rest of the bottle.

We talked about our day, and we laughed as we recalled the particularly persistent street vendor who kept trying to interest Lilly in his paintings. He seemed to assume that since she was blonde that she was American, and he spoke in a horrible pidgin English as he hawked his wares. Lilly had played along for a while, responding in English, until finally she couldn’t keep it up any longer and told him regretfully in Japanese, “I’m afraid I have no use for your wares, kind sir, inasmuch as I am blind.”

“I’m n-not sure if he was more shocked that you were b-blind, or that you spoke Japanese,” laughed Hanako.

“Either way, at least it got him to leave us alone.”

Lilly laughed. “That reminds me of the time Tosh—” Her smile froze for a moment, then fell off her face. I looked at Hanako, and she was looking at Lilly with a concerned frown on her face. Lilly sighed quietly, drawing my attention back to her.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that… _cad_ …into our conversation.”

“That’s all r-right, Lilly. It s-sounded like it was a…g-good memory,” said Hanako, showing more charity to Ogata than I could have managed.

Lilly smiled a little. “Yes. There _were_ good times.” She tilted her head down, looking lost in thought for a long moment. “I…think I sometimes need to remember that there were also good things, good times. If all I remember are the bad parts, then I feel even more…foolish for having stuck with him as long as I did.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess I can see that,” I said. That had never occurred to me. I suddenly felt guilty for all the times I’d badmouthed him around her. But then I remembered how he’d broken up with her, and that guilt mostly faded away.

“What were some of the th-things you liked best about him?” asked Hanako quietly.

Lilly looked thoughtful for a moment. “He was well read. We had a lot of good conversations about literature. That was how we first started talking, actually. He was funny, and witty, and bright. He’s a… _fairly_ good writer.”

I snorted. “That story he published in the school literary journal was…well, it struck me as kind of self involved. Adolescent. And it felt as if he used a thesaurus to excess.”

Lilly smiled wryly. “I didn’t say he was an _excellent_ writer.”

“Not as g-good as you,” Hanako said.

“That…may have also been a sore spot for him. Although he never said so, of course.”

She shook her head. “Good things, though. He had…gentle hands. He had a light touch, even while guiding me, never shoving or pulling me around.” I winced a little at that one. It had taken me some time to become proficient at guiding Lilly without manhandling her when we walked together.

Hanako groaned a laugh. “Oh, god, do you r-remember the first t-time you let _me_ guide you as we w-walked to town together?”

Lilly chuckled. “It would be hard to forget.”

“Have the b-bruises faded yet?”

“They didn’t last _that_ long,” Lilly said. One hand came up to rub at her arm as if in memory.

“I was t-terrified that I would steer you wrong, and you’d w-walk in front of a car and die and it would b-be all my fault.” Hanako shook her head, smiling. “Th-thank you for not dying.”

“My pleasure.”

“And thank you f-for giving me more explicit directions on how best to guide you b-before the next time we went to town.”

“Also, believe me, my pleasure.”

“I find it hard to—” I cut myself off.

“Hard to what?” asked Lilly.

“Never mind. We’re focusing on the good things.” I did my best to keep my distaste for Ogata out of my voice.

“What do you find hard?” Lilly asked.

I sighed. “I find it hard to reconcile the notion of someone bright and witty and gentle with the cad who would treat you like he did.”

“We all have…multitudes. Different sides to ourselves.” Lilly frowned. “We all do things that are…not our best selves. Maybe the way he treated me at the end was…him at his worst. Or maybe it was his true self finally coming to the surface. I can’t know.”

“Based on other things you’ve said about him…I think it was his true self coming to the surface.”

Lilly nodded reluctantly. “You may be right. Either way, I can’t help but wonder—if I am such a bad judge of character as to stick with him for almost five months, what does that say about _me_?”

Hanako reached out and took Lilly’s hand in hers, and I took her other hand. “It’s n-not that you’re a bad judge of character, Lilly. If you have a f-fault here, it’s that you’re too good.”

Lilly made a soft scoffing noise and shook her head.

“No, r-really, you’re a good person, and you expect other p-people to be as good and kind as you are.”

“You are one of the nicest people I know,” I added.

Lilly squeezed our hands, then let go of us. She reached for her wine glass. “Thank you. But I think I may require another glass of wine if we’re going to continue this conversation.”

I grimaced. “I’m sorry, this is my fault. I shouldn’t have distracted us from talking about his good qualities.”

“Perhaps we can find something more pleasant to discuss?” Lilly asked.

“Y-yes, that’s a good idea.”

Lilly took a sip of her wine. My mind was running a complete blank for new topics. I stared helplessly at Hanako and shrugged. After almost a half minute of awkward silence, Hanako started to giggle, and Lilly joined her.

“So…do you think the Yomiuri Giants will beat the Tigers this year?” I asked, provoking more laughter.

“The idea of you d-discussing sports…” Hanako sputtered.

“Hey! I’m a manly man! I _love_ talking about soccer.”

“Yes, Kenji,” said Hanako placatingly.

Lilly laughed. “Even _I_ know the Giants and Tigers are baseball teams.”

I chuckled. “Busted.”

As the laughter wound down, Lilly smiled. “Thank you, you two.”

“For what?” I asked.

“Making me laugh.” Her smile grew warmer. “And for being here for me.”

“We’ll always be here for you,” Hanako said firmly.

“Yes,” I agreed. “Just like you’ve always been here for us.”

Lilly lifted her wine glass in a toasting gesture, and Hanako and I raised ours to match. “To dear friends.”

“To being there for each other,” I added.

“To family,” said Hanako.

Hanako and I clinked our glasses against Lilly’s and each others’, and we all drank to that.

 

* * *

 

The two of them finished off almost two bottles of wine, less my single glass, before we headed back to the hotel. Lilly, when she got tipsy, tended toward being even more poised and precise, but also more giggly. Hanako got more relaxed and physically affectionate, to the point where she was grabbing my ass as we walked back to the hotel. I was glad Lilly couldn’t see what Hanako was doing. As I had one arm supporting Hanako and my other arm held out to guide Lilly, I didn’t have a hand free to disengage Hanako’s affections.

Thankfully, the hotel lobby was almost empty, and I think we only amused one desk clerk as we made our way to the elevators. Lilly pulled out her room key and very seriously unlocked the door, succeeding on her third attempt.

“Are you okay from here, Lilly?” I asked as we entered the room. I thought we’d been here long enough that she could navigate the hotel room on her own by now.

Lilly waved a languid hand. “Oh, I’m perfectly fine, thank you. You go pour Hanako into bed.” She giggled at that, then covered her mouth. “Pardon me.” She stood up straighter, and walked over to the sofa. I was about to call out to her before she ran into the coffee table, but she took a neat side-step around it, her navigational memory coming through despite her alcohol consumption.

“I’ll be back out in a moment to help you unfold the futon,” I said, as I guided Hanako into our room.

“No rush, I’m sure you have your hands full,” said Lilly. She sat down on the edge of the couch, posture erect, hands folded neatly on her knees.

“N-not as full as they’re _about_ to b-be,” said Hanako, then both women giggled.

I sighed as I gently untangled myself from Hanako’s arms. Somehow it seemed like she suddenly had six of them, and it took me a minute to do so. “I’ll be back in a minute, sweetie, I just need to go help Lilly.”

“Oh, you go help Lilly all you want. I’ll b-be right here if you need any _other_ help.” She flopped back on the bed, and started pulling her skirt up, exposing her lovely long legs. I hurried out of the bedroom before she could grab me again.

I found Lilly standing by the sofa, struggling to reach the zipper on the back of her dress. “Hanako, would you be so kind as to unzip my dress for me?” she asked. Hanako had helped her get into that dress before dinner, I recalled.

“Ah, Hanako is…getting ready for bed. I can help, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh, of course not. What’s to mind?” She lifted her hair off the back of her neck, presenting me with a lovely view of her long slender neck. I gingerly reached out and grabbed the zipper and edge of the dress, and slid the zipper pull down to the small of her back.

“There. Just give me a second to unfold your bed, and you can—” I froze as Lilly dropped her dress to puddle around her ankles. Her lingerie was lacy and a lovely shade of blue, a little darker than the color of her eyes. I absently wondered if Akira or Hanako had helped her pick out the color. She stepped out of her dress and bent over to pick it up, displaying her ass to wonderful effect as she did so. She carefully draped it over the back of the arm chair I’d sat in the previous night, her hands drifting over it for a moment as if to set into memory where she’d placed it.

When she turned around, I snapped out of my frozen state and turned back to the sofa. But not before getting a lovely look at her from the front. Her lingerie wasn’t as translucent as her peach pajamas, but it was a close thing. My heart was beating fast, and I closed my eyes and took a moment to take a calming breath or three. When I opened my eyes again, I saw Hanako through the bedroom door, watching us and smiling wide as she slid her panties down her legs. I hurriedly turned my attentions to unfolding the futon.

“I. Am going to go brush my teeth,” Lilly said, making a carefully enunciated pronouncement of it.

 _Thank god_ , I thought, and quickly made up her bed for her before she could return. I called out “Good night, Lilly,” and beat a hasty retreat to the bedroom without waiting for a reply.

Where I discovered that Hanako had started without me. Her skirt was up around her waist, her panties were dangling off of one ankle, and her hands were…busy. “ _There_ you are,” she said, a little breathlessly. “What took you so long?” Then she giggled. “Did you have fun unzipping Lilly?”

_Oh, dear lord, these women are going to be the death of me…but what a way to go…_

 

* * *

 

Perhaps not surprisingly, we all slept in late the next morning. I woke up first and slipped out of the bedroom to use the bathroom. Lilly was still asleep, now attired neatly in her dark blue pajamas. Being a merciful boyfriend, I brought a full glass of water and two ibuprofen tablets back for Hanako. I left them on the bedside table where she could find them when she woke up, and I dug out some clean clothes and went to take a shower.

By the time I emerged from the bathroom, smelling much less interesting than I had a half hour ago, Lilly was sitting up in bed, hunched over slightly and holding her head. I did an immediate about-face and got a second glass of water and set of painkillers for her.

“Good morning, Lilly,” I said quietly. I walked over to stand beside her. “I’ve got ibuprofen and water for you, if you’d like.”

“Yes, _please_ ,” she croaked, and held out her hand. I placed the pills in her hand, then after she’d tossed them into her mouth, I placed the glass into her hand. She washed down the pills with a gulp. “Merciful Mother of God, what was I _thinking_ …” she muttered, then she finished the rest of the glass of water. I chuckled and took the glass from her, taking it back to the bathroom for a refill. She drank that one down too, and mumbled, “Thank you, Hisao. You are truly a saint among men.”

I coughed as I remembered some less-than-saintly thoughts I’d had last night, then said, “I’m going to go check on Hanako.”

“Mmm. Okay.” Lilly swayed slightly where she sat, as if trying to decide between being vertical or horizontal, then she opted for the vertical and headed toward the bathroom as I re-entered the bedroom.

Hanako, clad in the t-shirt I’d been wearing at the beach yesterday, was awake, and almost perfectly echoed Lilly’s earlier posture, holding her head in her hands.

“Good morning, love.”

“Wha’s so good about it?” she muttered.

“The existence of water and painkillers?” I suggested. I picked up the pills that she apparently hadn’t noticed, and handed them to her. She whimpered gratefully, then took the glass and washed them down. “Oh, my aching head,” she moaned. She moved to swing her legs over the side of the bed, and winced. “Oh, my aching… _privates_ ,” she added. She glowered weakly up at me. “What did you d- _do_ to me last night?”

I snorted. “Nothing you didn’t ask of me. Rather insistently, I might add. I honestly had no idea that I could… _perform_ …three times in such a short span of time.” _And without killing myself, at that._ Mind you, even drunk she had taken care of me—for round three, she had insisted that I just lay still and do nothing. Which had proved to have its own set of challenges and rewards.

Hanako buried her face in her hands, and moaned quietly. “Oh, god. I hope we weren’t t-too loud…I n-never meant f-for Lilly…I mean…oh, _bother._ ” Hanako finished the glass of water and closed her eyes. “I hope w-we didn’t offend her, I wanted her t-to…to…” she trailed off and shook her head slowly.

“You wanted her to what?”

Hanako opened her eyes and looked up at me. She gave me a weak smile. “Never mind. N-not important just now.” She sat up a bit straighter and her smile grew more sincere. “Last night _w-was_ quite special. Headache and vagina-ache n-notwithstanding.”

I smiled and sat on the bed next to her. “Yes, it was. Thank you for a most memorable night, you sexy thing.”

Hanako snorted, and threw back the covers. The sheets blew a fragrant gust of air at me. Our exertions had created some rather _interesting_ scents.

Hanako stood up and stretched. Since she wasn’t wearing any panties, the view as my t-shirt rode up on her body was rather lovely, and I leaned forward to kiss her hip-bone. She snorted a small laugh at that, then she winced, putting a hand to her forehead. “I th-think I need more water.”

“Ah…Lilly is in the bathroom at the moment, so you’ll have to get it yourself, I’m afraid.”

Hanako sighed. “Oh, v-very well.” She took her empty glass and shuffled out the door, bouncing off the doorframe as she went.

I shook my head, feeling slightly smug about the advantages to my not being able to drink much alcohol. I’d only experienced one hangover in my life, after the first time the three of us got drunk together.

I smiled as I recalled that night. Hanako’s birthday party. Back when I’d had no idea of where I was going with my life, if I could _have_ a life after my heart attack, or even if maybe one of these lovely ladies might want to have something more to do with me. As I thought about it, it seemed to me that that evening could have gone quite differently, leading to other possible outcomes—

I shook my head and banished the speculation. Things had turned out for the best, as far as I was concerned. I had Hanako, and we still had Lilly in our lives. Things could have hardly worked out any better for us, I was sure.

Hanako reappeared in the doorway, glass of water in one hand, room service menu in the other. “L-lilly wants to order in this m-morning. She said she’s not up to b-braving the real w-world just yet.”

“Oh.” I’d looked at the room service menu yesterday, and been appalled by the prices. “Uh, sure. I just need a cup of coffee, really.”

Hanako pursed her lips for a moment. “ _And_ she said that if you d-don’t order a full b-brunch, she’ll just order one of everything on the menu f-for you.”

I snorted. “Busted. All right, let me look.”

The prices may have been ridiculous, but the hotel made up for it somewhat with the quality of the food and service. It made me feel a little pampered, to have nice linens, pretty china, and fresh-cut flowers with our meal.

As we finished our brunches, Hanako and Lilly both looked a little less cadaverous, and decided that they could now face the world again.

“What do you want to do today?” I asked.

“I am open to suggestions,” Lilly said. “Hanako, you’ve been reading that tourist guide. Did anything jump out at you as something you wanted to do?”

“Um… Most of the things l-listed are either scenic vistas or dives—”

“Not so good,” I said.

“—or restaurants. But th-there were a couple of things that sounded like…well, super-touristy things to do, b-but…still fun things w-we could all enjoy.”

“Such as?” Lilly asked.

“Well, one was a marine park where you c-can swim…with dolphins.”

“That sounds cool,” I said.

Hanako nodded. “B-but they require reservations, so we might not be able to g-get in at this late date.”

“Well, it never hurts to call and ask. Someone may have canceled at the last minute,” said Lilly.

Hanako nodded. “True. Another t-touristy thing is a historic v-village called Yaima Mura—”

“Oh! I went there with Akira,” said Lilly, smiling. “With the little monkeys you can pet?”

“Squirrel m-monkeys, yes.”

“Squirrel monkeys?” I asked. “Aren’t they a South American species?”

“Yes, but there is a c-colony here, where you can feed and p-play with them.” Hanako smiled. “They’re _incredibly_ c-cute.”

“Well, then. Let’s go pet some monkeys,” I said.

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

The warmth of Ishigaki kept us warmed and cheered for a couple of weeks after the start of the school year. I’d never taken a vacation like that before, and was pleasantly surprised at how it truly did help to restore and reinvigorate me, allowing me to dive into my new courses, and new course of study, with a fresh will.

A month after the start of the new school year, Hanako and several of her classmates attended a journalism conference in Shinjuku. She was only going to be gone for one night, Friday to Saturday, but for some reason, she seemed more nervous about this trip than she had about previous trips she’d taken on her own. Which didn’t help my own nerves any. I always had to quash my anxiety about Hanako venturing out into the great big world without me when she travelled. Not only would she not appreciate the sentiment, but, honestly, my concern was far less needed than it had been a few years ago. It wasn’t her first trip without me or Lilly, nor would it be her last, and every trip she took she handled more smoothly and confidently than the last. Which made her nervousness this time all the more puzzling, but I put on a confident face and wished her well.

Because of classes, we said our goodbyes at the apartment Friday morning. I didn’t have time to go with her to the train station to see her off. “I’ll be there to pick you up tomorrow night,” I promised, as I gave her one final kiss.

Hanako smiled. “That’s not n-necessary, but—it would b-be nice.”

“A sweet romantic reunion on the train station platform?” said Lilly with a smile.

Hanako nodded. “Yes.”

Hanako gave Lilly a goodbye hug. “Take good c-care of Hisao while I’m gone,” she said with a smile.

“Hey! I can survive on my own just fine,” I protested, mock indignantly.

“I’ll make sure he eats something other than instant noodles for dinner,” Lilly said with a small grin. It’s possible that they know me too well.

“And _you_ t-take care of Lilly,” Hanako added, soothing my ruffled feathers.

“That I can do.” I glanced at Lilly. “ _We_ can do. We’ll take care of each other.” For some reason, that made Hanako blush as she smiled back at me.

“Good. I’m c-counting on it.” She grabbed the handle of her small rolling suitcase, and we all headed out to the elevator and our respective busy days.

I received a handful of texts from Hanako throughout the course of the day, letting me know she'd arrived safely. She called around ten thirty that evening to say good night, and we talked for a while. I was reassured to hear how well her day went, and to hear about what sessions she was looking forward to the next day.

A half hour after we hung up, I realized I had been aimlessly browsing random web sites instead of studying for the past fifteen minutes. I closed my laptop and gave up on studying as a lost cause for the rest of the night. It certainly wasn’t too early for bed. I stood up and stretched, then glanced at Lilly. She had her headphones on, listening to some class notes. I touched her arm to get her attention, and she paused the recording and pulled her headphones down.

“I’m going to turn in. Do you need anything before I go?”

She shook her head, and pulled the headphones completely off, setting them carefully on the corner of the table. “No. Thank you. I probably should do the same.”

“Okay. Do you mind if I use the bathroom first?”

She gave me an embarrassed smile. “Actually…I think I’ve had one cup of tea too many this evening. Would you mind if I went first?”

I smiled at her delicate phraseology. “Of course not. Ladies first.”

A sighted person would probably have rolled her eyes at that, I think, but she just shook her head with a sliver of a smile, and got up to perform her nightly ablutions.

I took the time while she was occupying the bathroom to wash and put away the tea set, and tidy the living room and kitchen so that everything was in its proper place. I had never been a horribly sloppy person, but living with a blind roommate had instilled in me new habits of tidiness and order, doubly so since the incident with my backpack full of bricks. I wondered absently if I would maintain those tidy habits after graduation, when we all moved on to our separate lives.

The thought gave me pause. Hanako and I planned to stay together after graduation, of course, but the thought of living without Lilly in our lives was…disturbing.

I stood still in the middle of the living room and stared at Rin’s painting as I contemplated the notion in greater detail. Hanako and I were a couple, Lilly was our friend, and yet—the thought of her _not_ being in our daily lives just felt _wrong_. Painful. Almost inconceivable.

We had been apart at times, of course, once even for a full month when Lilly and Akira took a vacation together in Europe. But although we had missed her, at the back of my mind had been the knowledge that she would return. That the separation was temporary.

Lilly was our friend. But friends frequently parted ways after university, that was the normal order of things. Expected. But…certainly not desired.

Lilly was our friend, but more than that, she was _family_. Hanako and I were both only children, with no experience of siblings. Maybe this was just what it felt like to have a beloved sibling? Heaven knows Lilly and Akira were close, texting frequently and talking via Skype a couple of times a month, when their schedules allowed. Would that become the kind of relationship we had with Lilly? Texts and phone calls? Seeing each other at the holidays?

The thought made my stomach ache. My eye traced the lines of the purple and blonde hair that snaked around the portrait, tying us together, twisting around the heart in the center of us all. Had Rin seen something that we hadn’t?

I realized I had been standing in the middle of the living room for several minutes, staring at our portrait and thinking gloomy thoughts, when Lilly’s voice snapped me out of it. “Hisao? I’m finished in the bathroom.”

I shook my head, chiding myself. _You’re just getting gloomy because Hanako isn’t here._ Even though she had only been gone for fifteen hours or so. _We’ll be fine_. I looked over to see Lilly standing in the doorway to her bedroom, looking lovely in her dark blue pajamas. “Thanks,” I said, and walked over to give her a hug. “Good night, Lilly,” I said, and hugged her tight.

Perhaps my mood made me hold on to her a little longer than usual, because when we pulled apart, she asked, “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah…I was just…” I shook my head and gave self-deprecating laugh. “I was just getting gloomy. Thinking about graduation. About…all of us moving on.”

She was silent for a moment, her hands still resting on my shoulders. I studied her face and watched as she also acquire a slightly sad expression. “About us not living together?” she asked quietly. I was unsurprised by how on-point her question was; she was remarkably sensitive and astute about emotional matters.

_Dammit, I hadn’t meant to depress her too._ I sighed. “Yeah,” I admitted. I forced a smile, even though she couldn’t see it. “But that’s a couple of years in the future. We’re together now, right? And…maybe we’ll all do graduate school together or something.”

Her smile was about as convincing as mine. “Right.” She paused, as if about to say something else, but simply added, “Good night, Hisao.”

“Good night, Lilly.” She turned and closed her bedroom door behind her, and I headed to the bathroom to prepare for bed.

As I turned back the covers to my (lonely) bed, I was unsurprised to find an envelope resting on my pillow. I smiled. Hanako and I usually left each other little love notes when one of us had to be away for a few days. I had tucked one for her into her suitcase before she left. What _did_ surprise me when I picked it up was discovering that there was a second, heavier, cream-colored envelope underneath the first. I glanced at them both. The one that had been on top was simply addressed “Hisao,” with little hearts drawn around my name. The second envelope was addressed, “To Hisao _and_ Lilly, Open Only if Needed.”

_What the heck?_ I stared bemusedly at the second envelope, wondering what it was about. _If needed? What does that even mean?_ I contemplated going to Lilly’s room to open it with her—it was addressed to both of us, after all—but then I shrugged and put it down on the bedside table. It could wait until morning. Or whenever it was needed.

The note to me was short and sweet, and lifted my spirits. I loved reading notes from Hanako. With no evidence of her stutter, and her word choice more considered and exact, she somehow sounded like a more concentrated version of herself in writing. Her Hanako-iest self, as Rin might have put it.

Since no one was there to see me, I gave the note a gentle kiss before putting it aside, and burrowed under the covers, pulling Hanako’s pillow to me so I could smell her scent. A lightly floral shampoo mixed with the scent of the lotions we applied daily to her scars.

I was debating whether to read a while or just turn off the bedside light and go to sleep when Lilly tapped on the door. “Come in,” I called.

“Hisao?” She said softly from the doorway.

I controlled my first impulse to make some crack like “Who else would I be?” and instead said, “What's up, Lilly?”

She stepped a little further across the doorway, and smiled tremulously. “This might seem odd, with Hanako gone, but…could I sleep with you tonight? Do you think she would mind?”

I smiled, and moved Hanako’s pillow back into place. “No, she wouldn’t mind. We’ve talked about this possibility. It’s fine with her. And me.”

“Oh. Thank you.” She crossed the room and felt for the bed. I lifted the covers and she slid in under them next to me. I wrapped my arms around her, and she snuggled in against me, her head resting on my shoulder.

“You and Hanako really talked about this?” she asked curiously.

I chuckled. “A couple of months ago, actually. When I went home to visit for my mother’s birthday.”

“Oh.”

“Not that you joined her, then, but we did talk about the possibility, both ways.”

“Hm. Thank you.” She fell silent, but it wasn’t the silence of sleep. After a couple of minutes, I echoed her earlier question to me. “Is everything all right?”

She shrugged and was silent for a few moments more before responding. “I guess your melancholia was contagious. I began thinking about what life would be like after graduation. Imagining life without you and Hanako, and…” She trailed off and sighed.

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s silly, I guess. As you said, we have a few years yet before that happens.”

“That doesn’t alter the fact that the thought of our life without you in it is…depressing.” I considered the notion in more detail. “Maybe even scary.”

“Scary? How so?”

I stopped to think for a long moment, trying to find words for my gut reaction. “Scary because…losing you would be like…another injury. Another handicap we would have to learn to live with and endure. Not that we couldn’t, we’ve all learned to live with our handicaps, but…that doesn’t mean I look forward to it.” I squeezed her tighter for a moment as I realized something that I had never put into words before. “You’re a part of our hearts, Lilly. Hanako’s heart, my heart. And my heart is damaged enough as it is. I don’t want to cut out another part of it, even if it is just metaphorically.”

“Hisao…”

“Hanako and me…I like to think we’re a good couple. We’ve had our issues, but we’ve worked through them. I think we can make our lives work together in the long haul. I even hope that someday…she might consent to marry me.”

“Oh, Hisao, of _course_ she’ll—”

I place a finger across her lips, cutting her off. “But my point is…as good as Hanako and I are together…we’re _better_ , with you in our lives. Happier. More whole.”

“Your live-in couples’ counsellor?” she asked, and I could tell from her teasing tone that she was trying to lighten the mood. But I refused to take the bait.

“If you think that that’s all you are to us, you’re even more dense than…than _I_ am.” I took a deep breath. _Good_ ** _God_** _, am I ever dense. I can’t believe I’m only just now realizing…_ “We love you, Lilly. _I_ love you. You’re kind, and generous, and gentle, with a core of indomitable strength that you hide behind your proper facade. You’ve become an integral part of our lives, interwoven in our hearts, and I can’t honestly picture my future without you in it, any more than I can envision a future without Hanako. I don’t want us to move on to separate lives. I want us to be together. Forever.”

There was a long silence following this statement, and I could feel my face burning, my heart pounding in my chest. Lilly had pressed her palm flat against my chest, and I was pretty sure she was monitoring my erratic heartbeat.

“Hisao…did you just… _confess_ to me?” She sounded incredulous.

I gave a nervous laugh, and was shocked to realize I had tears in my eyes. Tears of nervousness, and also relief and happiness, for having finally said what I had just said. An incredibly bizarre mix of emotions swirled through me, relief and elation mixed with nervousness and dread.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I just did,” I admitted. “I love you, Lilly, and—”

Lilly pulled away from me and sat up, her face gone utterly blank and unreadable. “I should go, Hisao. This isn’t right. This—I don’t—I won’t come between my two b-best friends—” Her expression may have been blank, but her voice was choked with emotion.

I grabbed her arm as she started to rise. “Lilly, please, wait—” My gaze fell on the pale heavy envelope sitting on the bedside table beside her.

“Please let go of me, Hisao,” she said tightly. “This is not right. Restraining me is not…gentlemanly.”

I maintained my grip on her arm, although it pained me to ignore her wishes. “I will, in just a moment, but there’s something I think we need to read, first.”

That statement was incongruous enough that she stopped pulling against my grip. “We need to _what_?”

I released her arm, hoped she wouldn’t take the opportunity to flee. I counted on her curiosity to at least hear me out. “Hanako…she left us a letter.” I laughed nervously, the sound jarring with the tension in the air between us. “I think…she may have anticipated us.”

“A letter. Are you serious?”

I picked up the heavy envelope. “Nope. Honest, it’s address to both of us.” Even as I said that, I noticed something that I had missed before. Under the hand written address was a line embossed in Braille. I recognized the Braille characters for our names. I pressed the envelope into her hand, and placed her fingers on the raised dots. She quickly read it.

“Open…if _needed_?” She looked as puzzled as I had felt earlier.

“I think…maybe now it’s needed?”

She hesitated, then nodded and handed the envelope back to me. I opened it, and discovered the reason for its weight. There were four sheets of paper inside, one in Hanako’s handwriting, three in Braille.

“There are two letters,” I said, placing the Braille copy into Lilly’s hand. “One for each of us.”

As Lilly’s fingers stroked the salutation, she softly read out loud, “ ‘My dearest beloved Lilly’…” She paused, and took a shuddering breath. Her blank mask slowly slipped away, and I could see that her emotions were as mixed as mine. She bowed her head for a moment, then said, “Very well then. Let us read.” She slid down towards the foot of the bed, away from me. I sat up and leaned back against the headboard, and angled the bedside lamp so that I could see the text more clearly.

 

_My Dearest Beloved Hisao,_

_I hope that you and Lilly have come to the correct time to open these letters, because otherwise I am going to look very foolish indeed. But if you aren’t both hanging at a decision point and having many doubts, please_ **_please_ ** _put this letter back in its envelope now, and I will explain it when I get home._

_Most important things first: I love you. You are the best thing in my life, and I am so grateful every day that you love me too. I love you now, and I will love you always._

_Secondly: I love Lilly. And I know you do too. We three have always spent a lot of time together, but that time has increased over the past few months, and I’m not referring solely to the nights she joins us in bed._

_And, over the course of these last few months, I have watched you falling in love with Lilly, and she with you._

 

I paused and closed my eyes for a moment, and shuddered. I was terrified of where this letter was going.

 

_It was hardly a surprise to me. You’ve always been half in love with her, and she with you. But you are, as Lilly once joked, a perfect gentleman, and she is a wonderful friend, who too often puts the needs of others before her own. I know that neither of you has acted in any way on these feelings, that indeed you may even now be denying that you_ **_have_ ** _these feelings. But although Lilly may not be able to see the way you look at her, I can._

 

Oh, shit.

 

_And you may not fully appreciate the way Lilly lets you see her vulnerable side, but I do. She has opened herself up to you more in the past three months than she ever has to anyone other than myself or Akira. I don’t think you realize just how rare this is, perhaps because it is similar to how I relate to you, and how she relates to me, but it_ **_is_ ** _rare. And precious._

_Yet even as your love grew, I have felt no diminution of love from you, or her. I do not believe that either of you are growing away from me, and I hope you feel the same way too. And so, I want to share our love._

_I am happy, Hisao. Happy for you, happy for Lilly, happy for me. Happy that the people that I love, love each other._

_So, these letters are my confessions. I love you both. I want you both in my life, forever. I want you two free to love each other, as you and I do. And just so there is no room for misunderstanding, I mean carnally. Physically. Make love with one another, joyfully. And know that I am with you in spirit. Seeing you two together—imagining you two making love—all my “training,” all the love stories I have read over the years, tells me that this should make me jealous, unhappy, and insecure. But it does not. It makes me happy, imagining you both happy, taking joy in each other’s arms._

_So, go, make love to your new lover, my love. And when I return, I will be in your arms once again too._

_All my love, now and forever,_

_Hanako_

 

I read the letter through once, quickly, then a second time, more slowly.

Then a third time. Just to make sure it actually said what I thought it said.

I finally looked up, to see Lilly sitting at the foot of the bed, tears trickling down her cheek, one finger gently stroking a line of text near the end of the third page over and over.

Were this one of Hanako’s romance novels, this would probably be the point at which Lilly and I fell into each others’s arms and proceeded to make mad, passionate love all night long.

This wasn’t a romance novel. Alas.

I cleared my throat.

“Well. That was…unexpected,” I offered lamely. “I had wondered why she seemed so nervous about going off to this conference.”

Lilly gave a little hiccup of a laugh at that, and wiped at her cheeks with the cuff of her sleeve. I pulled a tissue from the box on the night stand and bent forward to place it in her hand. I sat back against the headboard to give her space as she wiped her nose.

“Thank you,” she said automatically.

“Well,” I repeated. “It seems Hanako…knows me better than I know myself, in some ways.” Because, try as I might, I couldn’t come up with a counter-argument to her assertion that I was in love with Lilly.

Lilly nodded. “Me too, apparently.”

We sat there in awkward silence for another minute before Lilly folded her letter neatly, rose, and headed towards the door. “I think I had better return to my bed.”

“You…don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” I offered awkwardly.

She stopped in the doorway, and shook her head. “Believe me, I don’t _want_ to, Hisao. I would love nothing more than to take Hanako up on her…unorthodox offer. But…not before talking to her face to face. Not before we _all_ talk. I need to know in my heart that she truly means, in _her_ heart, what she wrote.”

I nodded. “Yeah. That seems wise.” She started to leave, and I called out, “Lilly?”

She paused and turned back, her unfocused gaze turned mostly towards me. “Yes?”

“I…don’t want this to come between us. No matter how this settles out, you’re my friend. Our friend. I’m sorry if my confession made you uncomfortable.”

She gave a small sad smile. “Hisao. You should never have to apologize for loving someone.”

I snorted. “In an ideal world, maybe, yeah.”

“True. I _do_ love you, Hisao. And Hanako. But…I’m afraid I can neither accept nor refuse your confessions at this time.”

I sighed, relieved that she wasn’t outright rejecting me, disheartened that I would have to wait.

“Good night, Hisao.”

“Good night, Lilly.” She quietly closed the door behind her.

It wasn’t until after she’d left that I realized she had said _confessions_ , plural. Meaning Hanako’s letter to Lilly had been very similar to mine.

_Of course it was, she wouldn’t give us mixed messages. Not about something this important._

I looked at the time. Almost midnight. I picked up my phone and hesitated, staring at the picture of Hanako by her speed-dial listing.

_What could I say? “What the heck?” “Are you kidding?” “Really?” “How could you drop this bombshell on us when you’re not here?”_ I had a hundred questions to ask her, but, like Lilly, I wanted to be able to see her when I asked them. After staring at the phone for several minutes of indecision, I sighed, and settled for sending her a brief text.

_I love you, now and always and forever._

I waited for a few minutes to see if she would respond, but apparently she’d already gone to sleep.

I turned out the light and settled into bed, once again pulling Hanako’s pillow to me to breath in her scent. But now her scent was overlaid with a touch of Lilly’s scent, too. Which just seemed too appropriate. _Hmm. She_ ** _did_** _say she wanted to take Hanako up on her offer._ I smiled at that, feeling both reassured, and…just a touch smug.

Suffering from a case of emotional as well as physical blue-balls, I eventually settled into an uneasy sleep.

 

* * *

 

Although I sometimes took Saturdays off from my running regimen, when I woke up at too-darn-early o’clock the next morning, I decided that a run would be a good thing to help clear my mind. I pulled on running gear, downed my morning ration of pills, and headed out, determined to get some blood flowing through my sluggish brain.

When I finished, my brain wasn’t really working all that much better, but at least it didn’t feel as if it was stuffed with cotton any more. As I opened the door to the apartment, I was greeted by the scent of coffee and natto. Lilly was moving around in our small kitchenette, preparing breakfast.

“Good morning, Hisao,” she said, her voice sounding normal. “Did you have a good run?”

I slipped out of my running shoes and hung up my jacket. “It was fine,” I said. “Did you…have a good night’s sleep?” I winced at the inanity of my question.

She gave a delicate, lady-like snort. “Not really. It was a tad unsettled.” Looking at her, I realize she had dark circles under her eyes. Mine probably matched.

I sighed. “I know what you mean.”

“I’m almost done here. Would you bring the food to the table, please?”

“Of course.” Most mornings, I just grabbed coffee and bread before rushing out the door to class. We tried to have slightly more pleasant breakfasts on the weekends, even if it was just simple fare.

Lilly had prepared two bowls of natto with rice and an egg on top, slowly cooking from the heat of the food below. Two small bowls of miso soup with cubes of soft tofu and slices of daikon rounded out the meal, and, of course, tea for her and coffee for me. I placed the food on the table, automatically describing their locations for Lilly’s sake: “Natto in the center, tea at ten o’clock, miso at two o’clock.”

“Thank you, Hisao,” she said, for all the world as if it were a perfectly normal Saturday breakfast.

We began eating, and I was surprised at how hungry I was. Even more than I normally would be after a good run. We ate in silence, and I did my best to not gobble everything down in a mad rush.

I kept wanting to speak, to say something about last night, but the words just wouldn't come. Lilly was likewise quiet, so we ate in slightly awkward silence.

I finished my food before Lilly was even half done. I got up and headed to the kitchen. “I’m going to get some more rice. Do you want anything?”

“No, thank you.”

“Thank you for breakfast,” I added belatedly. “It was delicious.”

She chuckled. “Yes, I can reheat rice and natto with the best of them.”

I sighed, and didn’t bother pointing out that she had done considerably more than that. She often downplayed her skills in the kitchen, despite being a better cook than either Hanako or I.

As I sprinkled some toasted sesame seeds onto my rice, I finally worked up the nerve to say, “So. Are we going to talk about this?”

Lilly sighed, and set down her chopsticks. “Without Hanako here, what is there to say?”

I stared at her, a bit taken aback. “Ah, everything?” I sat back down, but didn’t start to eat.

She grimaced, but relented. “What did you wish to say?”

“I’m going to assume our letters were…basically similar, aside from a few personal touches.” If not, I was really about to put my foot in it.

Lilly nodded. “That seems a safe assumption.” A touch of her normal humor peeked through as she offered, “Would you like to read mine, to compare?”

“Heh. Thanks, I’ll pass.” I knew the basics of the Braille alphabet, but decoding a letter of that length would be the work of a couple of hours or more, for me. “Unless you wanted to read it out loud to me?”

She shivered. “I…do not think I have the courage to do that. Just now.”

I nodded as I contemplated doing the same with my letter. “Yeah. I—yeah.” But I took my courage in hand and, ignoring the thumping in my chest, got right to the—heh—heart of the matter. “Hanako said…she’s watched the two of us falling in love, these past few months.”

Lilly nodded slowly, but said nothing. I stared at her, a little frustrated by her silence. “What do you think of that?” I finally prodded.

Lilly sighed. “What is there to think? For all that she is emotionally reserved at times, she can be a remarkably astute observer of other people’s emotions.”

It took me a moment to interpret that as Lilly’s confirmation of Hanako’s statement. I was simultaneously relieved and terrified that she agreed with Hanako’s observations.

“Well. At least we all three agree with that…assessment,” I said.

Lilly gave me a small smile, lightly tinged with sadness. “Yes. I _do_ love you, Hisao. But I also love Hanako. And I won’t do anything to hurt her.”

“Or me?” I asked, without thinking.

She tilted her head. “Yes, but…I have known her longer. Not that you aren’t dear to me, but…she is dearer. If I had to choose which one of you to hurt…” She shrugged, looked uncomfortable, and didn’t finish the sentence.

Her sentiment didn’t surprise me. What surprised me was that it didn’t bother me. “Good. I don’t want to see her hurt, either.”

We resumed eating for a few minutes, then Lilly said, “I must admit, the tone of the letter struck me as a bit odd. Not quite like Hanako.”

“More forthright? Forceful?”

Lilly nodded. “Yes. Among other things. But she included some details known only to herself and me, so I was sure it was her writing.”

I smiled. “There are certain things about Hanako that I—we—have never been comfortable sharing with you. But you probably should know. If this unorthodox relationship is going to move forward.”

“I do not want you to violate Hanako’s or your privacy.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s all right. It’s actually a source of pride for her, but it’s not something one normally discusses in polite company.” I laughed. “But I think we’re past the point of being polite company, if we’re going to proceed in an honest fashion.” I looked at Lilly, who was looking a bit nervous, but also curious.

“One of the areas of her life where Hanako feels most confident is…in bed.” I swallowed, a blush beginning to form, but I pushed on. “I think it’s because we were both fumbling virgins when we first became intimate, and so were on an even footing. After our…awkward beginning in sexual relations, we took things slowly. Learned together. And, I must admit, she found her confidence more quickly than I did. She, um, took charge. Ostensibly, she did so in order to protect my heart, to keep me from over-exerting myself, but in reality, ah, being on top, being in control…suited her. The bedroom is the one place where our shrinking violet comes fully out of her shell.”

I trailed off, my nerve finally deserting me. I looked up at Lilly to find that she was as red-faced as I felt.

“To mix a metaphor. I think I understand,” said Lilly. “She has hinted at such things, in some of our ‘girl talks’, but I had not quite realized the extent of it.”

“Yes. Well. In any event, the tone of the letter sounded very much like Hanako to _me_ , just—the private Hanako, not the public one.” I smiled. “She almost never stutters while we’re making love. I think you’d like to see—experience—that confident Hanako. She’s something truly special.” Then I blushed again as I considered exactly what “experiencing” Hanako meant, in this context.

Lilly nodded, and reached a hand across the table towards me. I reached out and gripped it gently, feeling the delicate bones of her hand in mine. “I do love you, Hisao. I love Hanako. It is an unorthodox situation, but I’m not sure we can come to any meaningful resolutions about it without Hanako’s presence and input.” She gave my hand a gentle squeeze, then pulled it back out of my grip. “So for now, let us proceed with our day as usual. I know my classical literature paper isn’t going to wait upon the convenience of our hearts.”

I groaned at this level of pragmatism, but had to agree. “All right. Until Hanako gets home, then.” I chuckled. “I had better make sure all my homework is done before then.”

Lilly picked up her chopsticks and resumed eating her breakfast. “Indeed. That seems like a good plan.”

We finished the meal in silence, and I was pleased that it was once again a comfortable silence, not as tense as things had felt before. It gave me hope that we could survive this _unorthodox situation_ with our relationships intact. Or maybe even improved.

Since Lilly had cooked breakfast, it fell to me to clean up. As I was clearing the dishes off the table, she said, “Hisao. At the end of the letter. When Hanako enjoined…” She trailed off, blushing. “When she encouraged us to make love, she said that when she returned she would…join us. Do you think…is her intention…” She seemed unable to finish the sentence, tongue-tied with embarrassment.

“Do I think she has sexual feelings towards you?”

Lilly nodded.

“I wondered about that myself,” I admitted. “I do know she loves you deeply and dearly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her evidence any interest in other women, but, by the same token, I’ve never seen her evidence any interest in other men. Her preferences seem to be more based on emotion, than simple physical attraction. I think…if she does have any interest in you…it may not be so much that she’s bisexual as that she’s…Lilly-sexual. That she’s attracted to you, _because_ she loves you.”

“Oh.” Lilly frowned and looked pensive.

I cleared my throat diffidently. “If I may be so bold as to ask—”

Lilly gave me an awkward smile. “I am…uncertain, myself. I have rarely felt any attraction to girls, or women. I received a few confessions from other girls when I was at that Catholic girls’ school, and never felt much in return for them.”

My heart sank on Hanako’s behalf. Which was silly, since I didn’t even know which way her desires flowed at the moment. “That doesn’t sound very uncertain to me.”

“Yes, but…I think I like the way you phrased it. I do not believe I am very bisexual, but rather say, I am open to the notion of being Hanako-sexual. Those other girls did not offend or repulse me, I just did not return the intensity of their feelings. But when I try to imagine myself being, ah, intimate with Hanako…” She gave me a slightly embarrassed smile. “It is an oddly… _agreeable_ notion.” She lifted her hands in a helpless shrug. “It is all rather confusing.”

“Well, in science, when something is confusing, often times an experiment is called for.”

Lilly looked startled at that, then she burst into giggles. “Spoken like a true scientist,” she said. “I think I shall have to think upon this some more. And we will discuss it with Hanako. And…perhaps there will be some _experiments_ in our future.”

I smiled at that, even as I firmly repressed the flurry of mental images that her words evoked. _Down, boy_ , I scolded myself, as I began washing the dishes.

After I showered and dressed for the day, I glanced at my phone, only to realize I had missed several texts from Hanako over the course of the morning. They all seemed innocuous enough, but they could also be read as having an undercurrent of rising tension in them, given our current situation.

_Hanako: Good morning <3_

_Hanako: Are you sleeping in?_

_Hanako: I hope you slept ok_

_Hanako: Say good morning to Lilly for me_

_Hanako: I can’t wait to see you both tonight :-)_

I checked my phone’s settings, and sighed as I turned the ringer back on.

_Hisao: Good morning, beautiful. SOrry, my phone was on silent. Cant wait to CU2_

Her reply was almost instantaneous, which was rather telling, given that she should be in a conference session right now.

_Hanako: Did you have a good night?_

I smiled, and decided to let her off the hook quickly, instead of dragging this out.

_Hisao: Yes we read your letters and we have a lot to talk about when you get home. No, we were not intimate. Not w/o talking w/you first. We both love you vey very much. <3_

I was certain Lilly would not mind my speaking for her in that respect.

_Hisao: Now pay attention to your confrence!_

_Hanako: ok. I love you both very much too <3<3<3<3_

_Hisao: <3_

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

It was somewhat ironic that in physics class we were studying relativity at the moment, because time had never seemed more relative than it did that day. Hanako was due back on the seven o’clock train. Approximately twelve hours after breakfast. So I was unsure how it was that it felt like a solid week had passed before it was time to head to the train station. But at least it gave me time to finish most of my homework, and even get in a brief nap.

We were just cleaning up from dinner when Hanako texted us to let us know that she had made her train and would be arriving on time. Lilly asked, “Would you mind if I came with you to meet her?”

I hesitated for a moment, considering. Normally I would have gone alone, for that romantic reunion on the train platform that Lilly had mentioned yesterday. But now it seemed like Hanako was urging us towards an… _expanded_ definition of what a romantic relationship was. One which included Lilly.

“Of course not,” I replied. “That would be nice. I was planning on leaving in about fifteen minutes, if that’s okay.”

Lilly nodded, rose, and headed towards her room. “I’ll be ready in ten.”

She had been wearing her usual weekend stay-at-home clothes, a loose floppy t-shirt and soft pants. But she would never go out in public so casually dressed, so I was unsurprised when she returned a few minutes later in a blouse and black slacks, her hair brushed out and pulled back in a pretty headband. “I’m ready when you are,” she said.

Since I would be with her, she folded her cane up and placed it in her handbag, and we headed out, her hand on my arm as usual.

The bus ride to the train station was uneventful, if crowded. The seats reserved for the elderly and handicapped were all filled, and although Lilly had no qualms about evicting able-bodied teenagers from those seats, the occupants all looked old enough to be our grandparents, or older. So I stood with one hand grasping an overhead strap, and my other arm around Lilly, bracing us both. It wasn’t an unusual thing for us to do when sharing a bus ride, but I was more aware than usual of her physical proximity, of her scent and the feel of her body pressed against mine. After a few minutes of riding, I heard her sigh quietly, and she relaxed against me, her head dipping to rest on my shoulder more intimately than usual. I smiled and felt myself relaxing in response. It was both surprising and not surprising just how natural that casual intimacy felt.

It was a cool spring evening, and as we waited on the platform for Hanako’s train to come in, we huddled close together for warmth. We waited at the far end of the platform, because Hanako liked to ride in the first car of the train when she could.

Hanako wasn’t in the first rush of people crowding off the train, of course, but nor was she the last one off anymore. As she came out, her head was turned to the side, and I could see her talking with someone I vaguely recognized as one of her classmates. Hanako turned and scanned the platform, and I could tell when she spotted us by the way her face lit up and her posture straightened.

“Hisao! Lilly!” she called. She darted over to us, let go of her suitcase, and wrapped her arms around us both, squeezing us tight. I managed to get a small kiss from her before she loosened her grip on us. “Oh, it’s so g-good to see you.”

Lilly and I both laughed. “It has only been a day and a half,” Lilly pointed out.

“Although it _did_ feel much longer,” I conceded, recalling how today had felt like it was destined to stretch out forever.

Hanako pulled back from us and examined our faces, looking concerned. After a moment, she relaxed and smiled, apparently happy with whatever she saw there.

I heard a gentle cough, and looked over Hanako’s shoulder to see her classmate looking at the three of us curiously. “Ah, I’ll see you in class Tuesday, Hanako?” she said.

“Oh! I’m s-sorry, Megumi,” said Hanako. “This is my b-boyfriend, Hisao Nakai, and our r-roommate, Lilly Satou. Lilly, Hisao, this is my c-classmate, Megumi Narada. We shared a hotel room at th-the conference.” I let go of Lilly and Hanako, and we exchanged brief bows.

“Nakai. Satou. So pleased to finally meet you,” Narada said. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

I shot a quick glance at Hanako, who was blushing at that revelation. “Only good things, I trust,” Lilly said, with her usual gentle smile. Narada didn’t seem put off by the fact that Lilly didn’t directly face her while speaking, so apparently Hanako had told her that Lilly was blind.

“Oh, yes. I don’t think you have anything to worry about in that regard,” said Narada, grinning slightly. “In any event, I’ll see you in class, Hanako?”

“Yes. Of course. Don’t forget to b-bring those papers.”

“Righty-oh.” She gave us one more speculative look, then turned and headed towards the station exit. Narada’s look made me stop and think about what we must look like to outsiders. Although I had been introduced as Hanako’s boyfriend, I had been waiting arm-in-arm with another woman on the platform when she arrived, and we all three had hugged, not just Hanako and me. In truth, our behavior was no different than it had been for years, but now it _felt_ different.

 _Huh. Well, if we move forward with this “unorthodox proposition,” we may be gathering more strange looks over the years._ The prospect of being with Hanako and Lilly for years, even if we _were_ gathering strange looks along the way, lifted my spirits.

I grabbed the handle of Hanako’s suitcase, and we turned to follow Narada towards the exit, albeit a little more slowly.

“Let’s get a taxi,” said Lilly.

“Really? That seems a bit extravagant—”

Lilly waved away my concern. “My family gives me a travel allowance that far exceeds my needs. I do not wish to spend the next forty-five minutes crammed in a bus when we could be home, and talking, within fifteen.”

Hanako and I exchanged a glance, and she shrugged. “Yes. That s-sounds good to me.”

Hanako rode between us on the ride home. The conversation was mostly Hanako relating what she had seen and done at the conference, since none of us had any desire to get into more personal issues in front of the cab driver. I felt both more relaxed, for having Hanako back at our sides, and more tense, in anticipation of the conversation to come.

When we got home and shed our shoes and jackets, Hanako went to start a kettle for tea. I dropped Hanako’s suitcase in our room, so as to not be in Lilly’s way, then, upon further consideration, I moved it into the far corner of the room where she wouldn’t trip over it. If she happened to be in our bedroom for any reason in the near future.

When I returned to the living room, I found Hanako and Lilly assembling tea for the three of us with practiced ease. I sat down on the floor between the couch and the low table, leaning against the couch as was my usual practice.

Hanako brought the tea tray over to the table as Lilly sat down opposite me. To my surprise, Hanako didn’t sit beside me, as was her usual habit, but instead she sat at the side of the table, so that she was between us. She reached out and placed a gentle hand on Lilly’s wrist. “I’m here, Lilly,” she said softly, so as to let her know of her change in position.

If Lilly was surprised by Hanako’s change of seat, she didn’t show it, but simply nodded, and she poured the tea for all of us.

We all picked up our tea cups at the same time and sipped, a coincidence of timing that made me smile. I looked back and forth between the two women, uncertain if I should dive in to the conversation that was weighing on all of our minds. Or should I let Hanako lead the way, since she instigated this whole affair? Or perhaps Lilly would prefer—

Lilly and Hanako both started to speak at the same time.

“Hanako, why—”

“I just—”

They both broke off, and I found myself chuckling at the pair of them. Admittedly, my reaction was partly just nerves. But my laughter had the benefit of uniting them, as they both turned their attention to me.

“Why are you g-giggling at us?”

I gave Hanako an mock affronted look. “That wasn’t giggling. It was a masculine, manly chuckle.”

Hanako snorted, and Lilly said, “Be careful of that manly man talk, Hisao. You don’t want to end up sounding like Kenji.”

I glowered, ineffectually, at Lilly. “Low blow, Lilly.”

She smiled, took another sip of tea, then gently set her teacup down. “Hanako, I believe you started to say something?”

“Yes. I—yes.” Hanako took a calming breath, and sat up straighter. She leaned over to take Lilly’s hand in hers, then extended her other hand to me. I grasped it and gave it a gentle squeeze. Lilly held out her other hand to me, and I pushed my tea cup aside and reached across the table to take it. I had to suppress a chuckle at the thought that we looked like we were about to conduct a seance. Around a tea set.

“I have a l-lot to say, but f-f-first, would you mind telling me w- _why_ you opened my letter?”

I looked over at Lilly. She didn’t look like she was about to speak, and she gave my hand a gentle squeeze. I thought about it for a moment, then gave a (manly) chuckle. “It started with me washing out the tea pot, actually.”

“Pardon?” Lilly looked puzzled, as did Hanako.

“While I was cleaning up before going to bed, it occurred to me how much tidier I’ve become since we began living with Lilly. And I wondered if I would continue being so tidy when we graduated and moved apart. Which got me depressed thinking about it. Which I shared with Lilly, and made her depressed, too—sorry, Lilly—and because of that she asked to join me in bed. And as we talked about it, and I thought about losing her, I realized I didn’t want to. Lose her, that is. Nor you. I wanted us _all_ to stay together. And when I confessed that to her, she got upset—”

“I had—I _have_ —no desire to come between the two of you,” Lilly put in. “I would _never_ hurt you like that. This…unorthodox arrangement that you have proposed would never have occurred to me.”

“Nor me,” I said. Then honesty compelled me to mutter, “Not that the… _fantasy_ of it hasn’t occurred to me before.” I blushed, and was relieved to hear Hanako and Lilly chuckle at that.

“So, that’s when it seemed like it was ‘needed’ to open your letter,” I concluded.

“I did not trust myself to sleep… _platonically_ with Hisao after that, so I returned to my own bed. Until we could speak with you. Heart to heart.” That reaffirmation of Lilly’s desire for me cheered me, and I gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

“I…see,” said Hanako thoughtfully. She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts, then said, “If you’ll p-pardon the repetition. First things first, I love you. Both. Very much. And don’t want to l-lose either of you.”

“And I love you too,” I said with a smile.

“As do I.”

“Writing th-those letters was one of the most… _terrifying_ things I’ve ever done. But…I could see the handwriting on the wall. Something was going to b-break, soon, and the thought that it might occur while I wasn’t here to…midwife the birth of this new r-relationship was…distressing.”

I was floored by the notion that Hanako had seen this coming. I certainly hadn’t. Was I truly that dense? That emotionally oblivious?

Never mind. I knew the answer to that one already.

Hanako closed her eyes for a moment before continuing. “I spoke of w-watching the two of you f-fall in love. But I’ve been in love with b-both of you…for years.” Now _she_ was blushing. She stared at the table. “I know you d-don’t th-think of m-me that way, Lilly, b-but…” She paused and let go of my hand to run her fingertips over her lips for a moment, a technique she sometimes used to help get her stuttering under control.

“I’m not so certain of that, Hana,” said Lilly gently. Hanako looked at her, a startled expression on her face. To the best of my knowledge, it was the first time that Lilly had used that affectionate nickname with her. “My feelings are complicated, but—” She shook her head and smiled wryly. “I have always tried so hard to meet social expectations that I don’t think I’ve allowed myself to fully realize the depth of my feelings for you. For you both. Your letter…” She swallowed, looking nervous. “It broke a dam inside me. Part of my distress when Hisao confessed to me was the realization that my feelings…had been returned in kind. Which meant I could no longer hide from them. And when your letter let me know that _you_ had returned my feelings in kind also, well…” She gave a weak smile. “Let us just say, I did not sleep very well last night. I had a lot to think about.”

“Me too,” I said.

Hanako looked at Lilly, then me, then asked quietly, “Can we all m-move to the couch? I’d like a, a, cuddle. From both of you.”

I smiled. “I’d like that.” I released their hands and stood up. I looked at Lilly. “Lilly?”

Lilly still sat, looking pensive. “A cuddle, Hanako? And where do you foresee this cuddle…going?”

I blushed at the implications of her question, but Hanako said, in a reassuring tone of voice, “Nowhere that you d-don’t want it to go, Lilly.” She smiled slowly, and there was a heat in the smile that I was sorry Lilly couldn’t see. Or maybe that was for the best, at the moment. “As for where _I_ want it to go…well, I have my hopes. B-but _never_ with unwilling partners.”

“Oh. Yes. Of course not,” Lilly said, sounding both embarrassed and relieved. She extended a hand towards me, and I helped her rise. She stepped around the low table to the couch, and I guided her to a seat between myself and Hanako.

Lilly gave a nervous little laugh. “I said I didn’t want to come between you two…”

I draped my arm across Lilly’s shoulders, my hand on Hanako’s shoulder, and Hanako curled up so she was leaning against Lilly. Lilly looked like she didn’t know what to do with her hands, so she just sat there with them folded in her lap.

“You’re not coming b-between us, Lilly. You could never do that. Say rather, we are around you.”

With my free hand I picked up one of Lilly’s hands, and pressed it to my cheek. “I don’t know about you, but…feeling you close feels so good. And right.”

“Yes,” said Hanako.

“Yes,” said Lilly, quietly.

I kissed the back of Lilly’s hand, and she sucked in a sharp breath. “Just so we’re explicitly clear,” she said, sounding a little breathless, “We _are_ talking about…beginning an intimate three-way relationship. A ménage à trois, as the French would say?”

I shivered to hear it addressed out loud, even though I had been thinking about it for the past day.

Hanako said quietly, “I don’t know what the French say about it, b-but, for me, I want…whatever my lovers are comfortable giving me. If that does not include… _physical_ intimacy from you, if that’s t-too outré for you, as long as I have your heart, I will be content.” She chuckled. “Though I will c-confess I covet your body, too.”

“Oh, my,” said Lilly softly, and this time I thought her flushed face was not solely from embarrassment.

Hanako took Lilly’s other hand and also kissed it. I was shocked to see tears form in Lilly’s eyes. Hanako also noticed and we both tried to let go of Lilly’s hands, but she gripped us tighter, pulling our hands together in front of her chest. “What’s wrong, Lilly?” I asked gently.

She shook her head, a tremulous smile on her face. She opened her mouth as if to speak, then paused. She tried again to speak a couple of times before words finally came out. “I’ve always…tried to do what’s right. What’s proper. But _this_ —this relationship ventures into territory that is so far beyond what is proper and socially acceptable…” she trailed off, shaking her head. “But, God help me, I still want it,” she whispered. She lifted Hanako’s and my hands to her lips and kissed them, then clasped our hands to her chest, over her heart.

“It is, as you so aptly put it, an unorthodox relationship,” I said. “But I want it too. My _heart_ wants it.”

“As does mine,” said Hanako. Then she added, with amusement in her voice, “In c-case my letters f-failed to make that clear.”

At that, Lilly made a sound that was half laugh, half sob, and she turned and buried her face in Hanako’s shoulder, wrapping her arms around her. After only a moment’s hesitation, I wrapped my arms around both of them, sandwiching Lilly between us. She cried for just a few moments, then relaxed into our arms, her body going limp.

“I—I’m sorry,” Lilly said. “But…I’m both so very very happy that this is happening, and also—terrified. This is so beyond the pale…I can’t help but wonder…” She sighed and said, almost too softly for me to hear, “What will my parents think?”

Oh. Yeah. That. I considered my own parents for a moment, and shuddered. And my parents were much less uptight and traditional than Lilly’s parents were—well, than her father, anyway. Her _mother_ might cheer us on.

Hanako gave a bleak little laugh. “I’d n-never thought…that there could be an advantage…t-to being an orphan.”

I suddenly recalled the odd look Narada had given the three of us at the train station. “I think some of the outside world already sees our friendship as…peculiar. It might not be as big a change as you think. We already address one another by our first names. As long as you don’t start calling me Hisao–chan in public, no one should know the difference.”

Both women chuckled. “I’m afraid Misha has forever ruined for me any affectionate _chan_ form of your name, Hisao,” said Lilly.

Hanako nodded in agreement. “Too true.”

“It’s like I said, when you slept with us the night Rin was here. What we do in our apartment behind closed doors is nobody’s business but our own. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, you’re our roommate.”

Lilly turned to face me, and I could see a sad smile on her face. “So, am I to remain the blind unmarried spinster friend, who lives with the two of you from the kindness of your hearts, for the rest of my life?”

“Oh…” I felt stupid. “No…of course not…” But I had no better answer for her. The more I thought about it, the less I liked my previous answer. I didn’t want to introduce Lilly to people as my roommate. I wanted to introduce her as I would Hanako, as my girlfriend, my partner, eventually, perhaps…as my wife.

“I…do not have a p-perfect answer f-for these…larger social issues,” Hanako said quietly, as she stroked Lilly’s hair. “Not tonight. B-but I do know I don’t want to miss the opportunity for the k-kind of happiness I think we c-could have together, just from fear of…others’ disapproval.”

“Yes. I can agree with that,” said Lilly quietly.

“Perhaps…” I said tentatively, feeling my way through unfamiliar territory, “For now, we focus on building our relationship. And we address other social issues as they come.”

Lilly nodded. “We can work on… _defining_ what our relationship is. Will be. What we hope it will be.”

Hanako kept stroking Lilly’s hair. “What _I_ hope is t-to love you both. And have you love me. And each other.”

“Carnally?” I asked, recalling the somewhat old-fashioned phrase she’d used in her letter.

Hanako smiled. “That, too.”

“On that topic, I…hesitate to bring up a delicate subject, but…we need to…” I bit my lip, feeling remarkably awkward. It was just biology, a scientist shouldn’t be embarrassed to address biology…

“Yes?” Lilly asked encouragingly.

I sighed. “It’s not that I don’t trust _you_ , Lilly, it’s more that I don’t trust…Ogata.” _And I never did_ , I didn’t add, although I suspected they could hear the thought in my tone of voice.

Lilly frowned for a moment at the mention of her ex, then she smiled wryly. “As well you shouldn’t, but to address the issue you are so delicately dancing around—I’ve had a physical since we broke up. I am disease-free, and can show you the lab reports if you wish to see them.”

I shook my head. “That won’t be necessary. I trust you.” I glanced at Hanako, who nodded in agreement. “ _We_ trust you,” I amended.

“Thank you. And as you two were ‘blushing virgins,’ as I believe you put it, with no other outside sexual experiences?…” she let the question hang in the air.

“No, not me,” I hastily assured her.

“Nor me,” Hanako confirmed.

“Then that addresses any concerns I might have in that regard.”

“Oh. Good.”

“But as long as we’re discussing…the _practicalities_ of intimacy,” Lilly began, then she too hesitated.

“C-contraception?” Hanako asked.

“No—well, I mean, yes, of course, but that’s not what I was thinking of. I was more concerned with…not killing one of my new lovers.”

I smiled at that. I loved hearing her call us her lovers. “We may joke about sex killing me, but, honestly, my medications and work-out regimen have strengthened my heart well.”

“Our love-making t-tends to be…slow paced.” Hanako smiled. “Which can have its own rewards.”

“I’m not up to acrobatics or sprints, but as long as I pace myself, and you don’t punch me in the chest, I should be fine.” I nuzzled her hair, enjoying her scent. “Even with the added excitement of having the two most beautiful women in the world in my bed.”

Lilly looked relieved. “Oh, good.”

Hanako said, “He has had s-small heart flutters on t-two different occasions since…we became lovers. But none in the past year.”

Lilly suddenly looked less relieved. “Are you certain it’s worth the risk?”

I chuckled and pulled her close. “Lilly my love, I would risk much more than a flutter to be with the women I love. Don’t worry, I don’t have a death wish. I’ll take it slow.” A sudden inspiration came to me and I gave Hanako a sly grin. “If you ever feel a strong _need_ for violent, energetic sex, well…there’s always Hanako. I’d love to watch.”

“ _Hisao!_ ” they exclaimed, in near-perfect unison, both turning charmingly pink. I started to laugh.

“Is it safe to _tickle_ him?” Lilly asked Hanako, with a little growl in her voice.

“No! It’s deadly!” I exclaimed, though I suspect my laughter gave away my lie.

Hanako didn’t answer with words, but with actions, and I collapsed in fits of helpless laughter as she lunged across Lilly’s lap to get her fingers into my ribs. I convulsed as they both tickled me. We all slid off the couch onto the floor, laughing together. I endured it for as long as I could—almost five whole seconds, at least.

“Stop! Mercy! I yield!” I laughed, and they desisted. Lilly and I ended up leaning against the front of the couch, and each other, with Hanako draped across our laps, We were all panting a bit from our brief exertions, and still giggling quietly as we calmed down. I looked down at Hanako’s head, resting in my lap, and I smiled as I brushed her long hair out of her face where our tussle had disarrayed it. One of Lilly’s arms was behind my back, hugging me, and she rested the other hand on Hanako’s stomach, slowly rubbing her.

“Well. That is good to know,” Lilly finally said.

“What, that sex won’t kill me?”

“That, and what your ticklish spots are.” Hanako and I chuckled.

Lilly rested her head on my shoulder, and I kissed the top of her head.

“As for c-contraception,” Hanako said, continuing our discussion of the practicalities. “We just use c-condoms.”

“Ah. That…will not be necessary, for me,” Lilly said, sounding unaccountably shy.

“Oh? Why not?” I asked.

“I had…extremely irregular menses when I was younger. I’ve been taking oral contraceptives since I was fifteen, to regulate them.” She chuckled. “It wasn’t until a few years ago that I was able to enjoy their more usual benefits.”

“Oh. That would explain why you’re so regular.”

Lilly snorted. “You mean to say you’ve been tracking my cycles?”

“Not….deliberately, but—I’m a guy living with two women. I need to keep track of when it’s necessary to stock up on extra chocolate ice cream.” Thankfully, that got a laugh from both women, instead of offending them.

Lilly sat up straighter, pulling away from me a bit. Hanako sat back up on Lilly’s other side. “This may be enough emotional work for one night. Despite getting these practical matters out of the way, I am not sure if I am ready to take the leap to a more intimate physical relationship just yet.”

Look, I’m male; I have to confess I felt a moment’s disappointment at the notion that we wouldn’t be sharing a bed with Lilly right away. Hanako shot me a knowing look, and said, “Of c-course, Lilly. As I said earlier, we w-want nothing from you that you are n-not willing to freely share.”

Lilly gave a breathless little laugh. “Oh, I _want_ to share with you, believe me I do. But…I can’t help but feel it might be… _prudent_ to proceed slowly.”

“That…makes sense,” I said, trying to keep any disappointment out of my voice. “You shouldn’t do anything you’re not comfortable with,” I added, with more honest conviction. “I don’t want to risk damaging our friendship by rushing things.”

“Good. Thank you.” Lilly reached up, found my face, and leaned in to give me a gentle kiss on the cheek. Then she turned and repeated the gesture with Hanako. “I think…I would like some time to think. And I suspect you two have some things to discuss between you, too.” She shifted and stood up. “We can talk more tomorrow.”

“All right.”

Lilly headed, not for her room, but the wall to the left of her door. I was about to open my mouth to give her guidance, but then I realized she meant to go there when she reached out and stroked Rin’s painting. She traced a lock of Hanako’s hair as it twisted and turned, intertwining with Lilly’s hair and the heart in the center. She shook her head slowly, then turned toward her room. “How did she know?” she asked quietly. Without waiting for an answer, she entered her room.

“Good night,” I said.

“Good night, Lilly,” said Hanako.

Lilly paused in the doorway to her room, and turned her head to the side so we could hear her more clearly. She smiled. “Good night, my loves.” I smiled to hear her address us so. Then she gently closed the door.

It wasn’t even nine o’clock yet, but the previous night’s poor sleep combined with the emotional exhaustion from our conversation made going to bed an attractive proposition. We quickly cleaned and put away the tea set, then brushed our teeth and retired to our room. Hanako pulled a full-length flannel nightie on. I gave her a puzzled look, and she smiled. “I… _want_ you, Hisao, but…we n-need to talk, undistracted, first.”

I considered that for a moment. “I would be less distracted after taking care of some basic biological urges, first,” I countered with a smile.

She giggled. “No, you would be _asleep_ ,” she said. Not inaccurately, alas. I sighed, conceding the point, and pulled on my pajama pants.

Hanako curled up under my arm, resting her head on my shoulder, one hand placed habitually over my heart. She draped a leg over my legs, holding me close, and I kissed the top of her head. “Okay. We need to talk. I…agree with the sentiment, but I don’t know where to start.”

“Well, first things first…”

I smiled. “I love you. Now and forever.”

“And I love you. N-now and forever. And I love Lilly, too, now and forever.”

I nodded. “Yes. That too.” I shook my head wonderingly. “I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

Hanako smiled. “Not lucky. Lovable.”

“I have to say, I’m surprised you came up with the notion of this three-way relationship.”

“Given how we all f-feel about each other, it seemed only l-logical. And besides, we haven’t yet f-finished listening to _Moonrise over Lake Biwa_ ,” she said.

“Pardon?” I didn’t understand what the romance novel we’d been listening to had to do with our situation.

“The novel’s resolution is…unorthodox, to use Lilly’s phrase.”

It took me a moment, then I laughed. “You mean, instead of Chiyoko having to choose between Jiro and Takumi…”

“They all three end up t-together, yes.”

“Ah. Well, now I _really_ want to finish that book. So you’re saying you found inspiration for this relationship in a romance novel?”

“No. Not exactly. Say rather, I sought out n-novels where the three lovers end up united in order to encourage and inspire us. If…the t-two of you hadn’t…come to your senses b-before we reached the end of the novel, I thought it might…p-provoke some interesting discussions.”

I snorted. “That it would have, I’m sure.”

She said, sounding slightly aggrieved, “You would not _believe_ how hard it was to find a p-polyamorous romance novel in audio book form. It doesn’t appear to be a p-popular sub-genre. I was beginning to think I would just have to read one out l-loud to you myself.”

“I think I would have enjoyed hearing you read some of the… _spicier_ sections out loud,” I said with a smile.

“Oh, you enjoy hearing descriptions of ‘h-h-his h-hot th-throb-b-bing m-m-m-mem-b-b-ber’, do you?” she asked, exaggerating her stutter. I snorted. It was true Hanako’s stutter got worse when she was embarrassed, and I couldn’t help but imagine that reading erotic passages aloud would have been embarrassing for her.

“Maybe we could have taken turns reading those passages out loud,” I said.

“Hmmm. I might like that,” she mused. “Hearing you, or Lilly, r-reading erotica out loud…” She smiled and gave a little shiver.

I snorted, and kissed the top of her head. “But, seriously. Do you think a, a, three-way relationship between us could work out, long term?”

“I would not have s-suggested it if I didn’t.”

“I guess not…”

“And, also, to a c-certain extent we already _have_ been l-living in a three-way relationship. Just one without the…sex.”

I thought about that for a long moment. “There’s a certain depth of emotional intimacy that comes with sex that we—the three of us, that is—haven’t experienced, yet. But…”

“But there’s an additional l-level of affection and c-comfort we’ve developed with each other since w-we restarted sleeping to-together occasionally.”

“True. So why didn’t this all happen two years ago, when we were sleeping together before?”

Hanako snorted. “Well, _I_ for one certainly w-wasn’t ready at that point. T-too neurotic and insecure. I c-could only conceive of sharing you…with Lilly…once I was fully secure in your love.” She smiled and turned her face up to kiss me. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I kissed her back, and nodded. “Yeah. I…probably wouldn’t have been ready then, either.”

“Everyth-thing in its time.”

“You said in your letter that imagining Lilly and me…being intimate…made you happy, not jealous. Did you really mean that?”

“Again…I would n-not have suggested all th-this were it not so.”

“Hmm.”

“I’ve…done some research on p-polyamory. Th-there’s a word in English that I haven’t f-found the Japanese equivalent to, yet. ‘Compersion.’ ”

I frowned. English was Lilly’s specialty, not mine, but I thought the word sounded familiar. “Doesn’t that mean to…compare two things?”

Hanako giggled. “No. That’s ‘comparison.’ ‘Compersion’ is…f-finding joy in another’s joy. S-such as when seeing your l-lovers…making love.”

“Oh.” I thought about that for a moment. Tried to imagine Lilly and Hanako making love. I smiled slowly. It wasn’t just the prurience of the mental image that was attractive. The thought of how happy the two of them could be together…made me happy. “Compersion. I like it. Yeah, it fits.”

Before I could say more, I heard a single knock on our bedroom door. Lilly opened the door and stepped in before either Hanako or I could respond. She was dressed in a long silky robe of midnight blue, one hand clenching it closed over her chest.

“Hi, Lilly,” I said.

She paused just over the threshold, then said, in a voice that trembled only a bit, “Prudence is overrated. I’m not that patient.” She dropped her robe to the floor. She was gloriously naked, and she looked like some kind of goddess in the dim light, her pale skin and golden hair emphasizing her almost otherworldly beauty.

I heard Hanako give a small gasp, a sound that was equal parts shock and desire. “Ohh, _Lilly_ ,” she breathed. “Oh, my love…”

At least she could manage speech. I was stunned to silence.

“May I join you?” Lilly asked quietly.

I finally found my voice. “Always, my love.” I turned back the covers, and Lilly slid into our bed, just as easily as she had slid into our hearts.

 

* * *

 

It was wonderful. It was awkward. It was arousing, and amusing, and embarrassing, and educational. It was Lilly’s and Hanako’s first time with another woman, and my first time with a woman who wasn’t Hanako. I was pleased and relieved that Hanako and Lilly seemed to enjoy each others’ bodies, even if they were hesitant at first.

We all had a lot to learn. We enjoyed the learning process—fumbles, mis-steps, laughter and all. I had some humbling lessons on how not all women were alike—some things which Hanako adored did little for Lilly, and some things I would never do with Hanako, Lilly loved. Lilly adjusted to the somewhat slower pace of lovemaking that my heart required. We had more learning ahead of us, but we made a respectable start on it, and we looked forward to exploring each other more.

Yet for all the newness, discovery, and delight that came with making love for the first time, there was still a deeper warmth and feeling of familiarity, as if we had all done this before. It felt timeless, and perfect, and right that we should all be together like this. Social issues, problems with fitting our unorthodox relationship into the larger, public world, were still outstanding, but all doubt that this was the right thing for _us_ faded away.

Lilly’s hands never stopped moving, constantly exploring our bodies, delighting in finally getting to feel all of us for the first time. She seemed intent upon committing our entire physical geographies to memory in one night. Not that Hanako and I weren’t similarly enthralled by her, but our measure of her was visual as well as tactile. And we all relished the chance to smell and taste one another in detail.

Lilly was especially fascinated by Hanako’s and my scars, a fact that disconcerted Hanako at first until Lilly convinced her that to her, they were beautiful. Beautiful because they were part of what made us unique. Just as Lilly’s blonde hair made her beautifully different to us, Hanako’s scars made her beautifully different to Lilly and me. Uniquely Hanako. The fact that I had been saying something like that for over two years allowed Hanako to believe it of Lilly, although the fact that Lilly expressed it far more eloquently than I ever had certainly helped.

Love and passion drove us long into the night, exploring and learning and loving, puzzling out the complicated geometries of love with three partners. I found myself laughing in delight at one point, just giddy from the joy of us being together.

And after all passion was spent, and the sweat was cooling us off, and we pulled the covers back up to keep us warm, we had each other. I lucked into being in the center as we all started to drift off to sleep, flanked on each side by my lovers. They curled up under my arms, and their joined hands rested on my chest over my scarred heart.

I didn’t know how much longer I had on this Earth. Exercise and modern medicine willing, I might live for a respectable fraction of a “normal” life span. Or I might drop dead tomorrow. But I would do everything in my power that I could to make sure I had as much time as possible with these two wonderful women.

And although I would never say as much to them, I took solace in the knowledge that, after my probably inevitably early demise, they would have each other to help carry on. I was glad I wouldn’t be leaving anyone completely alone when I died. It was a morbid thought, but one which I found strangely comforting nonetheless.

“Good night, my lady loves,” I breathed quietly. There came no answer, as they were both already asleep. Smiling, I joined them.

We were finally home.

 

 

 

 


End file.
